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Original poster

Children on facebook - any views?

25 replies

MrsBarchester · 27/06/2010 16:28

Our 11yr old is badgering us to let him set up a facebook account (he claims that all his friends are on facebook) I don't do facebook so have little real understanding about how it works; but am concerned about possible safety issues, and isn't there a minimum age limit? Or am I just being over cautious?
This is probably the wrong place to post this, but wasn't sure where would be appropriate.

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 27/06/2010 16:29

well you would need to lie to get him an account as you have to be 13

ivykaty44 · 27/06/2010 16:31

I would probably be better if you got yourself aquainted with face book etc - then when your ds is old enough to get an account - you will nknow what he is doing - as even at the correct age for an acocunt there are secuity risks.

lucykate · 27/06/2010 16:31

min age is 13, a lot of kids have accounts by changing their date of birth. personally, i don't agree with it, but if you do relent, i'd make sure privacy is set to only allow friends access, make sure you know the log in so you can keep a check on what's going on, and make sure they only accept friend requests from people they actually know well rather than just a vaguely.

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 27/06/2010 16:31

I don't like it. If any of my friends DC try and make friends with me, I ignore them. Not for kids, IMO.

daisymiller · 27/06/2010 16:32

Minimum age is 13 which makes it rather simple to say no.

LynetteScavo · 27/06/2010 16:39

min age 13 is for a reason, IMO.

Like cert 12 films.

There was an article in the DM recently, in which a mother let her 11yo have a FB account because she cried and stamped her feet.

I couldn't care less if all my 11 yo DS's friends have a FB account. More fool their parents.

spudmasher · 27/06/2010 16:45

I teach Year Six and most of the children in my class are on Facebook. As part of our internet safety week we sent home information saying that they had to be 13 to be on facebook and as far as I can see, no one acted upon it.
It really is parental responsibility. I personally believe that it is about the individual- their maturity/ ability to deal with stuff. But I have been teaching year six for 13 years now and I have an eleven year old dd and I have not met one yet who possesses the skills you would need to survive everything facebook throws at you.

misdee · 27/06/2010 16:46

its a no it this house. dd1 has asked as a lot of her friends are on FB. i said no, you have to be 13. 'oh but so and so's on there'

i have had her school friend ask me to add them to my list. i habve declined all their requests. some have asked why. i said you really dont want to see some of the stuff i post, its unsuitable for chidlren.

gillybean2 · 27/06/2010 16:56

My ds(11) is NOT on facebook. He is not old enough and I don't care how many of his friends say they are on there. I spoke to a couple of other parents on the issue and they say their dc aren't either but they do know that other's in the class are (mostly girls.

I wasn't aware there was an age limit until the boy with the farm account story blew up recently. So when I found out it was all the more reason to say no!

Our school haven't told us of the age limit, tbh I think school's telling yr6 parents is a bit late (shutting the door after the horse has bolted). It should be stated much sooner.

Also perhaps there should be some way to report underage children who had lied to get an account? Then if you get nagged by friends of your dc you can report them! That might stop some of it.

janeyjampot · 27/06/2010 17:23

My DD(12) is on Facebook. We allowed her to do it to keep in touch with her old friends from primary school because she was the only one in her class to go to her secondary. Pretty well all of her class were on there already by the end of YR6, and almost all of the YR7s where she is now are on it too.

I know her password and check all of her home page and emails every other day. She knows this and sometimes draws my attention to particular posts. As parents, we are both on it and are competent with IT. DD is 'friends' with both of us so we can see everything she posts. We have been very cautious with the privacy settings. DD2 (11) is not on and will not be allowed access until she is also 12, for the same reasons as DD1.

As a cautionary tale, a friend did not allow her DD (10) access to Facebook, and I later discovered (by checking my own DD's account) that she had set up an account for herself under a pseudonym. It was all very creative stuff, but really frightened her parents. In some ways this has been quite a useful episode, however, as it shows how easy it is to find that you do not know who you are really talking to on Facebook! I should add that she had told DD1 her pseudonym, which is how they had come to make contact. Alarm bells rang for me when I discovered that my DD was friends with a child I have never heard of...

spudmasher · 27/06/2010 17:33

I agree gillybean. We sent out info to whole school- age three to eleven.

gorionine · 27/06/2010 17:41

All my Dd1's friends are on it (11yo, in year 6) I am totally opposed to her joining until she is 13 and does not have to lie about her age. I see 3 possible things happening there:

  1. one is not aware their dcs under 13 are on it and one should pay much more attention

  2. one knows they are under age and do not mind letting them lie to get on it and it is just wrong

  3. One does not know you have to actually be 13, somehow a bit of a "milder" fault but still...

DD1's teacher told half the class off because she had seen them on facebook. She must have felt very small when they told her her son was on it too (same age as them, 11).

pointydog · 27/06/2010 17:44

I don't like it and don't trust it and I think it makes people vulnerable but it's such a big part of the social scene. However, I don't allow it under 13.

PixieOnaLeaf · 27/06/2010 17:49

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Message withdrawn

roisin · 27/06/2010 18:07

ds1 will get a FB account next month when he turns 13. Most of their mates have been on since age 8 or 9. I don't care, it doesn't happen in this house.

ds2 (10) did earlier this year set up for himself a hotmail account and a FB account. After going ape and then calming down, we had a discussion about why he's not having a FB account at this age and he is OK with that. (He was banned from the computer completely for 10 days and had major restrictions on his computer access imposed after that.)

RatherBeOnThePiste · 28/06/2010 09:34

DD aged 13 has one, DS who is 11 certainly doesn't. I am DD's friend so can see exactly what is going on, but am a silent partner as such and wouldn't write. I don't actually do Facebook because life is too short and I love Mumsnet!!

  1. There is an age for a reason.
  2. Find out more about it yourself, before even contemplating it!
willali · 28/06/2010 11:18

My DS (12) is on it and I really can't fathom the scare stories about it

I am a friend as are many relatives and friends of the family so that enables us to monitor who he is "friends" with

I know his log in and password and so freely spy in his activities (he does not know this)

The computer is in the sitting room so can look over shoulder from time to time

The privacy settings are such that only "friends" can see stuff including photos and as mentioned above we know exactly who he is freinds with (all school fdriends, relatives and grown up friends of the family)

It is fun - he mostly plays games and "chats" with friends and MOST IMPORTANTLY we talk about what is and is not appropriate in life and online.

PixieOnaLeaf · 28/06/2010 11:22

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Message withdrawn

willali · 28/06/2010 11:24

AH

CantSupinate · 28/06/2010 13:09

But there are other social networking sites for children (Club Penguin, Legoclub, etc.) why does it have to be Facebook for a 8+yo to keep in touch with their friends (who they see at school almost everyday and around the neighbourhood the rest of the time, half of whom have their own mobiles, as well)?? I don't get it.

roisin · 28/06/2010 18:13

If they accept someone as a friend - possibly a complete stranger who saw their photo - they can then "Chat" online without any record being kept. So you can't tell what is being said/exchanged. This is what people do who are grooming kids - they don't use the walls and leave records.

AnnaSergeyevna · 28/06/2010 19:02

Ratherbeonthepiste - the age restriction on FB is based on them protecting themselves from legal liability in the USA, its nothing to do with the appropriate age for social network services.

pointydog · 28/06/2010 19:06

Yes, all of you who say you can see everything your child gets up to on facebook are kissing yourselves. You cannot see all their chat and often that's what they spend the most time doing.

willali · 29/06/2010 12:19

Surely the point with "chat" is that they can only "chat" with their "friends" which is something you can monitor by being a "friend" yourself". Granted you don't know what they are saying but neither do I know what my children say to their friends at schoolor elsewhere

pointydog · 29/06/2010 17:38

They are not 'friends' just with 'friends'. It's mainly about numbers, innit.

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