HELP! 6 yr old terribly upset this morning!

[Chuffinknackered]

DS1 has always been very happy at school. He's in Yr 1. High achiever, top groups for Maths and Literacy, was chosen as class rep in September.
Only had one 'friend' in pre-school but once he went to school, he seemed to settle into a lovely group of friends. Always happy to go to school.
Over the last 6 weeks, he has complained of tummy ache before and at school. He cries when I drop him off at school.
This morning he was supposed to be reading something in assembly, but he burst into tears and wouldn't do it. This is so unlike him.
I have tried asking him, and he has made a comment about his closest friend having new friends now. I don't think this is the whole picture though.
I need some advice on how to deal with this best. I don't want to make a big thing about it, but I want to reassure him and help him gain some of his confidence back.
Any ideas?

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Poor ds, something is going on to make him unhappy and worried. Can you draw his teacher aside after school today?

And maybe when cuddling and not looking directly at him, ask how school was today? And is anything worrying you? Sufficient pauses between questions can be enough to have it all tumbling out - bedtime usually works for my reticent ds who stores up his woes.

Many times I use bedtime to ask my kids about the day. We try to remember what we did-Who woke up first, breakfast, run to school/nursery. Then I proceed to tell them some of my own day at work (around 1 boring min.) and try to work out what was my 'best' and 'worst' moment of the day.

I asked them about theirs and many times things come up. Others, they do not remember anything or they do not feel like speaking or can only remember what they have had for lunch. You need to speak with the teacher and try to work out what has changed in the past weeks. She may not know either. It may be an isolated event that has upset him very much.

In any case I would try to show him that you understand he does not want to go to school and that you are sure he has a very good reason for it. Also that you understand he may not be able to speak about it. Make it clear that you will be there when he wants to speak about it - Sometimes I tell my kids that I have some small magic tricks to resolve problems and I may be able to use them if they allow me to. Many times you will only be able to listen.

I'd maybe take him with you to see the teacher so he feels included. I did that earlier in the year with DS when he had a few wobbles and the teacher was brilliant. We all sat down together and said we wanted him to be happy like he used to be and asked him how we could help. With him it was about friendship shifts mainly, so we agreed a couple of things, like him having a job first thing when he went in and the teacher also got together a 'circle of friends' whose job it was to make sure he was okay. If he wasn't and they couldn't help him, they were asked to tell a grown up. All worked incredibly well and within two weeks all was sunny again. Hope you get him back to his old self again soon.

Thank you so much for all your comments.

Tears again this morning.

Dilemma - he goes to swimming and Beavers already.

Camaleon, I love your ideas. Sometimes I think that as parents we blunder on in trying to solve our kids problems instead of just being there and letting them talk to us when they are ready. It's only natural though to want to fix things and make your child happy again.

I have to say, his teacher is pretty useless. I mentioned this to her right back at the beginning. She has no light to shed on why he is unhappy, nor has she suggested anything. The head of lower school has been better and let DS know that he can talk to him if he needs to.

I also like smee's idea about getting a circle of friends together to make sure that he is alright.

I think that I will chat with DS tonight. I want him to come up with some of the answers himself (I think that it raises self esteem and confidence when you fix it yourself instead of letting an adult band aid it). Whatever he suggests, we'll try.

I will take your advice though camaleon. It needs to be when he is ready and he just needs to know that we are here for him when he is ready to talk.

Thank you so much. What would I do without you fabulous mumsnetters!

Aw, that's sad. Monday's are hard though. I still think you should talk to the teacher, even if she is flakey. Can't believe she wouldn't be concerned and try to help if you told her he's in bits every day. Hope it gets better soon and he's able to talk to you. You sound like a lovely mum.

Thanks, smee!

I am meeting with the teacher on Friday after school ( I work part-time and so won't see her again until Friday). She is lovely but as you say, flakey. I will let her know what we are helping Ben with but I am not holding my breath about the outcome.

Gives a bit of time to see if things can work with DS trying a few things.

It has been great having you guys to offer advice...

Let's hope she's less flakey then. At the very least insist on knowing what tangible suggestions she can come up with. She can't just do nothing surely?! Hope he has a good rest of the week. So hard when they're unhappy.