School prom exclusion just before an exam!

[fluffyhead]

Can anyone tell me if and how they have dealt with this situation as it is causing much grief to our family.Our child was told she would not be able to attend just before going into her 2nd g.c.s.e exam. The school have admitted this was wrong but will not back down.

Really depends why. And what result you are hoping for.

A happy child who can complete her exams in a good frame of mind

we had been monitoring her work and behavior since Jan with a teacher and it was her decision to give her a pink slip target ladder. she was awarded many but had them taken away if she slipped up. She found this to be a rather childish system and rather drawn out.I did agree but told her to get on with it and backed up the teacher. (Detentions are in place at the school to deal with the matter at the time and we can then move on).She has been on report to monitor her behavior and there were many good things said about her but this has been ignored.She has not beaten anyone up, does not joyride or do drugs but has stuck up for pupils who have been bullied! She has achieved many good things in her school life is popular.A petition of 200 names has been made and nearly 200 people have joined a site to support her. Does this sound like an evil trouble maker? My worry is that as proms grow in their popularity we need to put in stricter guide lines to how they are used to mentally damage our children by power crazy teachers who have not many other ways of inflicting their power.A prom will cost a parent in the region of £150 to£350. Luckily I have made her dress but some families would find the whole thing a drain on their resoursces then only to be told at the end of 5 years sorry no go! its a joke! Sorry to sound angry but I am a passive person who never shouts and screams but this has hit a raw nerve

I must have lived a sheltered life. I've never come across any of these "power crazy teachers" who are determined to "mentally damage our children". Bluntly, if this is your attitude to the school's authority I'm not surprised your daughter is in trouble. I also find it hard to believe that a child needs her work and behaviour monitored when, according to you, her only fault is sticking up for pupils who have been bullied. Unless, of course, the alleged "bullies" are the teachers.

Having said that, you should check the school's discipline policy to see if that has been breached. You can also make an appointment to see the head teacher to discuss this. If you are unhappy with the outcome you should write to the governors.

My DCs school states that being able to come to the year 11 prom is at the discretion of the school and the privilege is sometimes withdrawn. If it was my child I would deal with the school and try to get the bottom of it although if they had been on report since January I might have had a clue that there perhaps would be problems. I would certainly NOT allow my child to set up websites or a petition.

It was unfortunate that your DD was told before an exam and the school have admitted fault with that. School proms aren't meant to be a drain on resources, they only are if you let them be.

Given that your daughter is presumably not being monitored for sticking up for people who are being bullied, can you say what it is that she IS being monitored for and what specifically caused withdrawal of the right to attend the prom? Two hundred people signing a petition and joining a group in support of her is all very well but it depends on what the original problem was.

I'm sure teachers would be only too happy to have stricter guidelines around the prom (like perhaps forbidding any mention of them in school hours at all?) given that they seem to be an endless source of angst, worry, tears and stress among certain students about who will or won't get invited, who is getting what dress from where etc.

Would this petition be on Facebook by any chance? (my DS currently has a facebook petition in relation to him being allowed to have a navel piercing )These online petitions mean nothing other than being a list of friends!

I would support the school's decision not to allow her as they must have had reason to if she has not complied with school rules about behaviour. It will be one of life's tough lessons, I'm afraid.

I don't think NOT doing stuff like drugs or joyriding are examples of good things. Not doing bad stuff is not the same as doing or being good.

I have supported the school in every way I can. My mother is a teacher and many of my friends and I know this can be a very trying profession but a very rewarding one but yes you have lived a sheltered life if you consider all teachers to be entirely innocent and with only good intentions!This is surely the case in many professions. I did not intend it to be read that teachers would mentally damage our children but the action of exclusion. My daughter is not in trouble as you have stated My child did not set up web sites or petitions her friends did! I have been through all the relevent procedures and it is continuing now. I would just like to know that other pupils and parents have some hope of not suffering as we have.Thank you for all your positive comments. I am sorry if I ranted.

I agree with prh47bridge and webwiz.

There have been problems with work and behaviour since January and your first post implies (have I got this wrong?) that the problems still haven't been completely resolved. If they haven't, then I do wonder whether your apparent insistence on seeing your child as a freedom fighter on behalf of bullied children, pitting her wits against dictatorial teachers, may underlie some of the problems.

And as for parents spending £150 - 350 per prom, that's their prerogative but it isn't an argument for saying that every child whose parents have gone overboard on designer clothes and limos must be allowed to attend.

Fluffyhead, this seems to be getting out of control.

Go and see the Head if you genuinely feel your daughter has not been treated fairly.

at being excluded from a prom is mentally damaging.

Yes its heated!sorry, I have done all those things Scurryfunge thankyou for your advice.

ds told me lots weren't allowed to go to the prom, i thought it was a bit mean unless they had been really badly behaved or not done the work and it is not quite a big thing. feel sorry for her! i'd definitely talk to the head.

and the costs do add up flowers!

Yes, SEA, I know the expense adds up. But I still think that the school needs to decide who goes to the prom based on whatever policies they have about behaviour during the year and so on, not on how much the parents have spent on clothes and limo hire.

Is the "prom" the last thing they do before they leave school, after exams?

if so I would tell her to bloody gatecrash tbh

I thought that the proms here weren't organsied by the school but by students/parents, but I may well be wrong. They certainly aren't held on the school premises.
Does everyone usually go?

what did she do?

At DS's school the Leavers Ball & Leavers Reception are privileges which would be withdrawn for poor behaviour. This is clearly set out in a letter to all parents.

I do think it sounds like you have inflamed the situation by not intervening to stop the petition & website.If you wanted to discuss the situation surely it would have been better to contact the teacher.

If your DD is only in Year 11, she still has two more years at school / college unless she is ending her education early. Remember the school will provide a reference for future education / employment so I think you need to calm things down a bit. If you really think she has been treated unfairly and the school won't change their mind about the prom you could always have a special family meal / trip to mark the occasion.

Sorry Pixieonaleaf but you clearly have not read the previous post. I am not saying that the sum I have spent is £350 to £450 for your info I have made her dress. My point is that parents and children are put under pressure and that the families who cant rise to the occasion will be made to feel uncomfortable, my concerns are for them! and perhaps the poor child that finds he or herself with out a partner! it is sad that we can now, not help someone who is being bullied for fear of being called a bully! Whats the world coming to, should we stand by and watch perhaps?
ladylapsang, my daughter was told 5 mins before an exam, this is the point I am making, not the fact that she is not able to go to the prom or the cost to us and we have made plans for that evening as she has been excluded. Also her peers invited anyone to sign the petition which she and I knew nothing about, we live in a democratic society it was freedom of choice nobody bullies someone to signing they actually choose too because they like her.

If she gate-crashed, the school would be quite within their rights to call the police. This, on top of an already poor behaviour record, would certainly not be a good start towards college.

As for power-crazy teachers, I seem to have missed out on the power when it was given out - do I have to fill in a form somewhere?

They are sometimes controlled by the 6th formers and held of the school premises