*advice urgently needed*

[sussexgirl78]

This may be a long thread but i really dont know where to turn to next
My son is 14 years old, we have had a tough time through out his life, abusive relationship, his dad leaving and not having anything to do with him, me getting married and then divorced, and 7 deaths of close family - nan, grandads etc within 6 years.
He has always struggled with school and it is now getting worse, he does not go out, he says he has friends but he dosent socialise with anybody outside of school, i have signed him up to groups like football, army cadets etc, he goes a few times and then just dosent want to go again. He would rather spend all his time either with me or his nan or on his own.
He has had a lot of time of school but i have gradually got him to attend, hes in year 10, the school say he shows all evidence of dyslexia or dyspraxia but its too late in his school life to get him tested... there is one main subject that he is really not getting on with and that is maths, he has expressed that he would prefer to be taught by the teacher that taught him last year, he actually improved last year and his teacher said he was an asset in the lesson, his current maths teacher asked him to attend her lessons for a month and then she would review him to change groups, this morning she has told us that although he has attended all her lessons she now is not willing to transfer him to the other group as she feels its not in his best interest, my son has now come out of school and said hes not going back... so i am now back to square one. I have been to GP who spoke to the school and suggested a part time time table to help my son attend school... school refused this suggestion. GP also referred son to CAMHS who said he did not fit their criteria and also suggested a revised timetable at school... again refused by the school.
I really dont know what else to do, the school will not have my son tested for dyslexia and all suggestions made they have abandonded, my son has tried to stick to agreements like the maths attendance and then is let down when the school dont stick to their side of the agreement. I am now back to square one with my son refusing to attend as his view is what the point.
What is the next step i can take? Can i request the school change his maths grouip? Can i take my son out of school for maths and teach him maths at home?
Any advice please... i really dont know what to do next.

Try paragraphs, or it really won't be a long thread.

I found this website quite useful with my concerns about my 13 year old, for support if nothing else - ww.gotateenager.org.uk

Phone parent partnership for your area, also try the BDA helplines (British dyslexia association). 14 is not too late to have your son assessed for dyslexia or dyspraxia, and if he does have either of those difficulties, then he could get extra time and other help in exams.
Who suggested he had either of these problems? Have you been in contact with the SENCo?

Good luck!

My ds is a school refuser so I know how hard it is. Our parent partnership was no help at all. Luckily for us his school are very supportive. It is not too late to be assessed for dyslexia - the school are talking crap.

Can I just ask why CAHMS said your son didn't fit their criteria? If this has turned into school refusal (which it has) I would have thought they would help ...

I only say that as someone who has had many positive reports from others about CAHMS. In fact, I'm really surprised at that. Poor you.

I hope others will be back to answer in more detail. It sounds as though your ds has been unsupported for some time and the dyspraxia/dyslexia is just the tip of the issue.

SGM is right - I think popping over to the SN section might be quite empowering.

Good luck.

poor lad, he's been through a tough time. there are some good general special needs & education related websites and helplines - www.ipsea.org.uk, SOS!SEN and ACE (advisory centre for education), any of these may give you advice about where you stand.

bruxeur, shame on you...

What nonsense from the school about it being too late to be assessed for dyslexia! Students at the university where I work are assessed, paid for by their LEA usually... I would push HARD on that one.

I'd be looking for a new school and complaining to the LEA about the current one. My son is yr 10 and we're still looking at him being formally assessed and DXd next year.
Personally I don't hold with 'school refusal' he's
not having a great time of it, but he's obliged to go. My son would be dragged and I'd wait in the corridors to take him from lesson to lesson if he tried saying he wasn't going to go anymore.

Is he really worried about his social life? My brother never went out with friends or joined clubs. He preferred his own company anbeing with other teens
actually made him very unhappy. Maybe your Ds is like this?

'Personally I don't hold with 'school refusal' he's
not having a great time of it, but he's obliged to go. My son would be dragged and I'd wait in the corridors to take him from lesson to lesson if he tried saying he wasn't going to go anymore.'
Trafficcone - you have no idea. Really.

massive sympathy and empathy- really understand how hard it is.

i think that there are 2 things to tackle/think about really.

first one, i would echo others and find ways to explore the issues around dyslexia. the reason i say this is that my dd, when she had an assessment suddenly understoof for the first time in her life that she was clever but was only tested at school on things she couldnt do. it has still been a long road and a long one ahead however it was the start in going in the right direction. i went private and it cost £450.

the other thing i would do is start to look ahead to post 16- what does he want to do? i got some brochures from good local FE colleges and looked through them with DD so she could understand what the options are. In fact there are loads of routes to qualification and careers. she identified that to do some coures that she wants to do- design, business studies and has identified that if she wants to do them she actually only has to get 4 GCSEs and if she doesnt manage that, she can just start at a lower level. now she understands that she actually has lots of options she is much happier.

having teens is just bloody hard though a lot of time.

my dd isnt a school refuser- but i think i would find it pretty hard to make her if she made up her mind not to so i really feel for you.