Can schools force child to take anger management classes?

[annielouise]

Hello,
My son is being bullied at secondary school. He reacts by lashing out. His school have said he needs to take anger management classes. I'm not 100% sure about this even though I agree he needs to find another way to deal with them. I'm concerned he'll be forced to take them. I'm worried about how effective they are, what the school's agenda is, whether it will mess with my son's psyche. Does anyone know the law on this or where I can find out?

Many thanks

I'd ask the school for more details. But the Anger management stuff I'e seen is great!
You son should get a lot out of it, as it is all about being assertive rather than aggressive, and finding other outlets for aggression. It could also give him a chance to talk to someone about what is going on.

However I would want to know: who is doing it (preferrably someone outside school, or at least someone you trust), and if any of the "bullys" are going on it too. If the second is true I would kick up a fuss. It would not be a "safe" place for your son.

annielouise your intincts are right, anger management has NO EVIDENCE BASE for this age group and can actually make things worse. I work as a therapist in child and adolescent mental health so I like to think I know (a bit!) what I'm talking about. We often get teachers on the phone nagging on about how we "have" to "make" one of their pupils have anger management and becoming v hostile with us when we won't offer it. It's one of my pet hates [anger].

Also forcing a child to have an intervention is hugely damaging to their self esteem and self confidnce, can make them very hostile and contribute to a decreased sense of self worth.

some (better) schools offer a group intervention and emotional literacy type programmes to help with childrens self confidnce, self esteem and social skills with a focus on sharing and achievement. Any intervention to help your ds would involve him, the family AND the school is it should be multi systemic.

where are you? You could always try speaking to someone at your local CAMHS team. It sounds like the school are reluctant to take hold of their part in this ie the bullying and do something proactive about it. What's the school nurse like? The SENCO? Would they be sympathetic?

I would tell them that once they've sorted out the bullying, if my DS was still displaying anger in an inappropriate manner, then I'd be happy to let him go to anger management courses.

It seems to me that they are trying to make him, the victim of bullying, into the problem. Bloody disgraceful. Tell them to deal with the cause of the anger - bullying - rather than the effects of it. The twats.

Sorry no idea about anger management, but this (to me) seems pretty normal provoked behaviour (although what exactly is he doing?). The problem lies with the bullying. I very very much doubt they can make him, but I am sure the law says something about a duty of care if he is being bullied.

Thank you so much - from the heart! Fantastic responses - exactly my feelings about it. And to hear from a trained therapist minxofmancunia that it can do more damage - that completely is what I thought. I have told the school I need to know more about it before I agree. I was told I might not have a choice and that they were surprised I didn't agree straightaway. I completely agree with HerBeatitude and said to the school once they address what I see as the crux of the matter - the bullies - you won't see any anger from my son. I know it is hard to believe but he doesn't cause trouble in class, is well behaved and polite. Everything he does is as a reaction to what they do to him - and I think anger is a normal reaction. I do agree he needs to temper it but he feels hounded by these boys on a daily basis - name calling, threats of punchs and being battered, being jumped on out of the blue, ganging up and throwing empty bottles at him, trying to get others to annoy him, throwing pencil sharpeners at him in class, shoving him for no reason. The list goes on. Thanks to a SecretLemonadeDrinker too for seeing that it is a normal reaction to provocation and mummytime for her good advice if it does take place. Thank you all.

annielouise, prehaps you need to realise that your son lashing out maybe at the root of his bullying problems. The world is not split into victims and bullies. There will always be bullies in life and getting help to learn to deal with them is constructive.

Anger management classes I have seen in the school I work in, involve teaching a child to be assertive rather than passive or aggressive.

"Everything he does is as a reaction to what they do to him - and I think anger is a normal reaction."

The bullies are diliberately trying to initate a reaction. They are winding him up for entertainment.

Yes, anger is a normal reaction, but there is a right way and a wrong way to act on anger. It is never OK to lash out at people.

Not the point though RT.

The problem here is the bullying. Lots of kids lash out, they grow out of it if they get more mature and more socialised.

Some children get bullied in any situation. They could be sent to any school in the land and they would still be bullied. There is something about them that attracts bullies.

It does not help the bullying situation having a child lashing out.

Prehaps if annielouise goes along with the schools suggestion then the bullying might get better.

We often help our children better if we look at their situation from more than one angle. None of our children are perfect. Its rare for a bullying situation to be "good versus evil". Relationships between teenagers are far more complex than that.

That's all well and good, but i would want to know exactly what steps the school are taking to deal with the bullying as well as the response to the bullying.

Otoh ReallyTired, I think it helps if the adults in charge (=the school) really clamp down and show that they consider this situation unacceptable. And by just giving the OPs son anger management classes, they are not really doing that. The bullies won't magically stop bullying just because one boy learns not to raise to their bait. They will simply move on to the next victim. Ime bullies bully because they want to. They need consequences to feel that it is not worth it.

There is not even a guarantee that they will stop bullying him. I never lashed out, just walked away quietly without showing a reaction, and I was still bullied throughout junior school. Anger management wouldn't have made a blind bit of difference because they wanted someone to bully and there was noone to make it not worth their while.

In my dcs' schools otoh, bullies are made to feel that this game is really not worth starting because the staff will react, and the other pupils are conditioned to intervene at the first sign- and they do.

This is an effective way of dealing with bullying. It is expensive though.

www.thescaryguy.com/

When you work in a school you see things from the other side. Often a no blame approach is more effective for dealing with bullying than sanctions. The problem is that for a no blame approach to work adults have to spend a lot of time working with ALL the children.

No one likes their children to be critised, but victims of bullying often have weak social skills. They often benefit from a bit of assertive training/ anger management/ communication skills. Lots of children need help to teach them how to handle unpleasent situations. An adult is not always around to intervene. You can not rely on teachers in the work place to counter act bullying.

I think its kinder to call such intervention "Protective behaviours" rather than anger management.

The problem with the OPs school is that they are only intervening to change the behaviour of one child.

What has worked really well in dcs' school has been to train all children to deal with bullying, not only when they themselves are being bullied, but when they see anyone being hurt or frightened.

In my own workplace, my social skills may be important, but they are not the only thing I rely on: I also rely on the workplace to have an ethos that excludes bullying. If this was not in place, I'd be looking for another job.

"The problem with the OPs school is that they are only intervening to change the behaviour of one child. "

We have no idea what help the OPs school is providing other children. It would be breaking confidentality if the school discussed interventions for other children.

Posts of these nature are often one sided. It is impossible for the school to give their side.

But if the whole school were being trained in this on a regular basis, wouldn't the OPs child know? Mine have known since reception what was expected of them in this field, and this has been regularly reinforced (still is, in secondary). Now that I know how good schools can be on this score, I would be unwilling to settle for less.