Cathedral Choir School - horrible choice to make

[toughnut]

My son was offered a place at two cathedral choir schools. One is a boarding school and very prestigious and the other is a provincial day school. I am a single working mother and I am afraid that I will not be able to find work in the town where the day school is. How difficult might it be to find a job which will allow me to take my child to school and pick him up? Also, I have lived abroad for about twenty years - I have no idea how bad the job situation in the UK really is. Fortunately, I would not have to worry about making enough money to find the fees or pay a mortgage. Would I manage? I'd do pretty much anything. My sister-in-law suggested working in a ticket office!
Or should I be cowardly and continue working abroad (interesting job, but not transferable to the UK at all) and abandon my child, aged 8, in the prestigious academic/musical/sporty school? I could afford to fly over at least 2 times a month and be there for every holiday etc as I am freelance.
My relatives are cursing me and my indecision, say that I am mad to be even thinking of backing out at this late stage. But I am terrified of what a boarding school might do to my son. Also, not impressed with several things. For example, only 15 minutes reading time each day, lots of team sports (my son probably won't like this although he is sporty), may lose his second language as it is not taught at the school etc etc.

Personally I would never send my child at 8 years old to a boarding school never mind one in another country so it would be straightforward decision for me.

I personally think you have made your decision already, given your final paragraph. But can you say what it is you like about the day school?

I would not put my ds in a boarding school aged 8 (well, not at all because I can't afford it, but you know what I mean). I think 13 is the youngest I would ever look at boarding schools unless there was literally no other option. But I'm not you.

What is your ds's current school like?

I agree, I think 8 is too young for boarding school however fantastic the opportunity might be. I would imagine you will be able to find a job you like, especially if you don't have to earn a huge amount as mortgage/fees are covered

Are there no schools where you live that are suitable? To send him away at 8 is harsh

My dd boarded at 7, was homesick, would call for me to go and see her, would go and see her, and she'd give me quick hug and then say I could go now as she was off to play.

She threw herself into boarding life, and loved it, but at that age was already headstrong, she was the one who asked to go to boarding school, and made sure that she got the scholarship to go.

I won't deny it was hard on both sides, but if you do decide to give him the boarding make sure he sticks it for one full acadmeic year. So many wobbled at spring term, but loved it by end of the year.

My only other point would be only send to a boarding school, that is majority boarders.

Re your working question - yes there are jobs available, depending on your experience you hopefully would get something, but it depends on how much you would need for rent etc.

My only thing I would say is, don't miss out on either, I would say do at least one of them.

meant to say wasn't hard

My brother went to a cathedral choir school as a boarder aged 8. He was fiercely independant and wanted to board. he absolutely hated it. Mum spent 18 months driving for 1.5 hours every day to see him for 30 minutes between service and supper until we managed to move house nearer to him.

If I were you, I'd go for the day school.

Your position is confusing me. Was your son offered a place in 2 cathedral choirs and currently lives abroad? If so, why did you enter him for voice trials if you didn't want him to board, at 8 in another country?

Does he think he wants to be in a cathedral choir ( not that he'll know what that entails, but still)? It's not for the faint hearted.

Or has he got a place as a non-chorister, in which case it's just the problem of boarding at 8 and being in another country?

Oh, and nuts to the relatives.

If you have no financial problems with either school and the provincial school has a better curriculum then I'd go for that one. If you are freelance and could afford to travel to the UK twice a month to see your son if he were boarding here, then can you not also afford to maintain some kind of position abroad and work via internet and twice monthly visits? You'd need to find someone to look after your DS while you were away of course, but an au pair might answer that situation, and if you get one from wherever you are now it would help maintain DS's second language.

Just a thought.

thumbwitch - thanks.
Hadn't thought of that! Possibly a good idea, but it's the kind of country that requires a heap of paperwork to get into or out of. Have been thinking about internet work but not that optimistic about the take-up.
Didn't consider day school originally because of the work situation in the UK and doubts about managing as a single mum in the UK - have driver and nanny abroad to help. First choice was boarding school, but pretty soon after accepting a place I started having real doubts and understood that it would be too painful to do.
Also, have spent some time in schools this year. Reminded me how cruel kids can be to each other and how awful it might be to be stuck for 24 hours with your tormentors. Very difficult to be different.