Vicar wants to send his dd to private school even though he is the Governor of lovely inner city school

[iamnotaprincess]

I am really disappointed and angry about this. Ds goes to a CoE primary school here in inner city London. We were all expecting the vicar, school governor, to send his dd to the school, but no, apparently he is thinking of sending her privately. I feel outraged. It is a good school, very inner city, but a good school, the children in ds' class are thriving. How dare he? And he is a vicar!

[messysponge]

I have a friend whose dd is the dd of a Vicar. She was sent to the local school and she had a lot of nasty remarks made to her not just by other dc but by teachers as well. It was not helped by the fact she is a bright girl.

Now she is about to go to a private school - because she asked her dad to send her there.

A lot of people are not nice to Vicars DC these days, they think they are fair game because of their fathers occupation. Sad but true.

As for mentioning Jesus' education - I would be careful there. Jesus was of a Pharasaic family ( his ministry tells you that).. Education in his day was the preserve of the few (around 5% of the population) and was only given to those who could afford to pay for it or who showed exceptional promise. In other words education was " private" and it was religious denominational.

I do not think it is your place or mine to judge the Vicar concerned in any case .

[rabbitstew]

SO, HAS THE VICAR REPENTED YET, THEN?

[rabbitstew]

If I were a vicar and governor at the local CofE school, the local school is the last place I'd want my children to go - they'd be like little goldfish in a bowl.

I'm not surprised about the going private thing: vicars may not be paid much, but a large proportion of CofE vicars that I've met seem to come from quite well heeled backgrounds. You just have to look at the Archbishop of Canterbury...

[IsItFridayYetPlease]

Maybe he is protecting his daughter from the association with him. It can have an impact on friendship groups and accusations towards the school of favouritism when your parent is chair of governors, add the church aspect into the mix and the child may have a rough ride.

[IsItFridayYetPlease]

There are special bursaries for children of the clergy at many schools.

[disgracefullyyoung]

Yes it is a vocation…for the vicar. Not necessarily for the rest of the family. Why should vicar's dd have to go to this or that school just because of what her dp has been called to do? There's a long history of difficulties, depression and fracture in these families where it's been assumed that one person's calling gets to trump everyone else's possibilities and options in life. Children of clergy often need a bit of space precisely because the community looms so large in their family life.

Schools, families, individuals - there's no one size fits all.

[spanieleyes]

Our local vicar is vicar of three churches and governor of three church schools . What was he meant to do, split his poor daughter in three so she could be seen to be supporting all his parish schools! As a parent you chose the best school t meet your circumstances not everyone else's prejudices.

[GretchenWiener]

i would say a c of E vicar sending his kid to a catholic school needs a word with his Bishop.

[timeBandit]

My brother is a vicar, and sent 2 DCs to private school. In the distant past vicars got school fees paid by the church, but not any more. However, their low income and social status means they're sometimes eligible for discretionary bursaries. In the case of my nephew and niece, their bursaries were 100%. No doubt the Headteacher saw himself as clocking extra brownie points with the Big Guy Upstairs :-)

I'm an atheist, and not particularly a fan of private education, so looked on with bemusement. I don't think my very unsophisticated niece was particularly happy at her very expensive private primary school. She's now at a local comp and is much happier.

[ReallyTired]

A vicar would have to have a bursery to pay for private education, or a rich wife or granparents.

Frankly its none of your business. Surely if the C of E school is so amazing then there will be another child who will benefit from the place.

[GretchenWiener]

Grandparents. Grand

[ReallyTired]

its a typ0 *gretchen" get a life!!!

Its none of anyone business where a vicar sends his kids to school. There is nothing wrong with a c of e vicar sending his kids to catholic school. Its not as if RC is a radically different religion. I know a vicar who got allocated a special measures RC infant school he hadn't applied for because there were no spaces at his three nearest school. People on this thread seem to think he shouldn't use an RC school or a private school for his kids.

It might come as a shock to some mumsnetters, but vicars don't always get places at schools they want. Not all C of E schools have ridicolous hoops for faith places. A family that attends church once a month is often given the same priority as a the vicar's family. If there are a lot of children who meet the faith criteria/ sibblings then the vicar might lose out on distance.

[AuntieStella]

If OP is still around and sees that this thread is reanimated, perhaps she'll be able to update. In particular, is the vicar still in that parish?

[telsa]

He is a hypocrite. make him feel shit about it.

[rabbitstew]

I love the way nothing is, apparently, anybody's business. I guess that's how people sometimes end up being dead in their own houses for years before anyone finds them, the powers that be cover up child abuse, and those responsible for preaching morality don't have to consider whether they are practising what they preach. Whether we like it or not, where we choose to educate our children does say something about us. It will never be something that people feel is none of their business. This doesn't mean that if your opinions differ from someone else's, that other person is an evil hypocrite who is judging you for your choices just by the fact that their decisions are different from yours. It's the refusal to engage or acknowledge that our decisions do actually impact on others, or the attack of others just for having different views, that is obnoxious, not the questioning.

[TalkingOwl]

Yes but vicar's children aren't called to the service of others. They're born into it and it can be tough because you live in a fishbowl and are constantly judged! Leave the poor man alone and let him do what he thinks is best for his child.

[rabbitstew]

You could say almost the same thing about the Royal Family...

What's more, we are all judged for what we choose to do with our own lives and what we choose to do with our children. On a daily basis I have to hear about "hard working people" and "scroungers" and "feckless people" who want to take their children on holiday in term time (even if it is to see a dying relative in the US) despite the statistics which apparently tell them their children will be guaranteed to do badly in school exams as a result , etc, etc... If you really want to be left alone, you shouldn't choose to be a vicar - it's a very bad combination of wants and you and your family will inevitably be disappointed if you seek constant left-aloneness, as will your parishioners.

[Cockadoodledooo]

Our minister is a governor at the secondary school in the village. His dd goes the the grammar in town. They've chosen the environment that suits their child best, and no one as far as I'm aware is being judgy about it. Nobody's business but theirs imo.

[JoyceDivision]

it'sgot f*ck all to do withanyone where he sends his child to school!!

and he is a governor because the church 'leader' has tobe a governor of the school taht is attached to their parish!!!

Do all teachers send their dc to the school they work at?

[rabbitstew]

I guess it's got fuck all to do with anyone whether he's a Christian, either, I mean fgs, what's it got to do with anyone what other people do or think? We're all just little floating islands, unconnected to the mainland.

[rabbitstew]

And, of course, what we do and think has absolutely nothing to do with the world we end up with - that's always someone else's problem to sort out and everybody should mind their own business, not everyone else's. It's a wonder anyone bothers to pretend otherwise, by swanning around with a dog collar, or asking for your vote.

[LJBrownie]

I agree that this is outrageous. But typical. If it's a good school, it's all about avoiding the people. That is shocking for a vicar - I do not agree that it is none of your business. It absolutely is.

[IsItFridayYetPlease]

But it is not about the vicar avoiding people; he is around his parish, he is in school as CoG. It is about his children avoiding people. Poor kids, they have a right to not have people bitching if they get a big part in the nativity or get picked for a team or are awarded a certificate. Or that Dad has the teacher's ear because he's in school or good seats at the shows because his CoG... etc. Or criticising their behaviour because "his dad's the vicar".
How many MN-ers moan when teachers have children in their school/class...

[rabbitstew]

I don't think it's outrageous - I can think of plenty of reasons why a vicar might want his children not to go to the school that don't involve it not being "good enough" for them or wanting to keep them away from bad influences. I can understand the fear that his children by being there might feel uncomfortable with it (eg "who would believe the vicar's children would be so naughty," or "well, that's just typical that the vicar's child gets to be Mary in the Nativity Play,"). However, I don't think it's unreasonable to be affected by the decision of an important member of the community not to choose the community school and to be unsettled by it, given that vicars tend to be seen as an example to others (whether they like it or not). It's not at all unreasonable to question it in your own mind.

[IsItFridayYetPlease]

Does the same go for teachers and headteachers, then? I lived near the village school when I had young children and was an "important member of the community ... (who) ... tend to be seen as an example to others". Was it wrong of me to send my children to the school in the adjoining village to avoid living in my shadow and constantly being judged and criticised for being my children?