Vicar wants to send his dd to private school even though he is the Governor of lovely inner city school

[iamnotaprincess]

I am really disappointed and angry about this. Ds goes to a CoE primary school here in inner city London. We were all expecting the vicar, school governor, to send his dd to the school, but no, apparently he is thinking of sending her privately. I feel outraged. It is a good school, very inner city, but a good school, the children in ds' class are thriving. How dare he? And he is a vicar!

[Badgerlady]

Gosh! Sorry. Just saw it in active and didn't note the OP date!

[prh47bridge]

This thread is 4 years old. I doubt the OP is paying attention.

[Badgerlady]

As a vicar's daughter myself, there are very good reasons for his daughter NOT attending the school where her sad is The Vicar. She will always be the Vicar's dd to other children, parents and teachers. Believe me, that can be hugely frustrating. Everything you do and are is seen through the lens of your clergy parent. Not to mention the teasing that arises from your parent doing assembly, leading services etc.

The vicar is doing the best for his dd by sending her to a school to which he is not connected.

To the person who said the being a vicar is a calling, of course it is. But clergy children were not 'called' and had no say in the matter. The fact that the world and his wife thinks that your parent is public property is not easy.

The fact you feel you have the right to judge the Vicar's private, parenting decisions, really sums up all that is difficult about being a vicar/vicar's dd.

[RolloRollo]

Sometimes it is better to not mix your 'business' (governor role) and 'private' (DDs education) life. I am a teacher but would always avoid sending DD to the same school.

At the end of the day it is his decision, you don't know his full circumstances and reasons and education is a private choice.

PS it is probably for the best, you otherwise would have heard non-stop about issues he has experienced through his DD at governor meetings rather than him taking a broad view. Being a parent and governor (but not in the parent governor role) would impact his role and make him have a more one-sided view of the school.

[timeBandit]

Assuming the school is oversubscribed, perhaps he's convinced himself he's doing some other family a favour by freeing up a place. Our local vicar, and school governor, lives practically next door to the school, and presumably signs his own supplementary admissions form to say he's a practising churchgoer, so his kids must be pretty much top of the list of priority for admissions.

[minifingers]

"stop judging others"

No, no, go ahead and judge.

I do!

[minifingers]

Private schools enable the children of well-off people to clamber up over the backs of children in state schools who are just as intelligent as they are but who get less teaching time.

It's unfair, but for some reasons you're not expected to support the idea of equality when it comes to your own children.

Vicars are just as grasping as your average mumsnetter when it comes to their children.

Live with it.

[Spotsonmydots]

This really is none of your business.

[rabbitstew]

Obviously, if I were to be an escort, it would be a high class one.

[Madcatgirl]

You can be an escort if you like.

Obviously that should say certain, stupid autocorrect.

[TheWordFactory]

I'm a governor at a school where I don't send my children.

TBH, they asked me to do it, and I thought I should try to help out. But I anit gonna send my kids there.

[CheeryName]

I agree with Madcatgirl. Though I do enforce my Nestle and pink/blue Kinder Egg boycott on my children.

[rabbitstew]

If you can be fairly cortina, can I be fairly fiesta?

[Madcatgirl]

Two things.

1.) stop judging others, I'm fairly cortina Jesus said "judge not lest you be judged".

And

2.) never sacrifice your children on the altar of your beliefs.

[Lilymaid]

Not uncommon for vicars to send their children to independent schools whilst being governors etc of local schools. One reason is that vicars tend to move parishes fairly frequently (every seven years) so putting child in an independent school in area but not local makes sense if (s)he moves to another parish in the diocese as child can more easily have continuity in education.
And many schools offer scholarships/reduced fees to clergy children.

[rabbitstew]

My pleasure, IsItFriday.

[IsItFridayYetPlease]

Thanks for that rabbit!

[rabbitstew]

Not wrong, but you were an idiot if you didn't think people would be asking themselves why you did it.

[IsItFridayYetPlease]

Does the same go for teachers and headteachers, then? I lived near the village school when I had young children and was an "important member of the community ... (who) ... tend to be seen as an example to others". Was it wrong of me to send my children to the school in the adjoining village to avoid living in my shadow and constantly being judged and criticised for being my children?

[rabbitstew]

I don't think it's outrageous - I can think of plenty of reasons why a vicar might want his children not to go to the school that don't involve it not being "good enough" for them or wanting to keep them away from bad influences. I can understand the fear that his children by being there might feel uncomfortable with it (eg "who would believe the vicar's children would be so naughty," or "well, that's just typical that the vicar's child gets to be Mary in the Nativity Play,"). However, I don't think it's unreasonable to be affected by the decision of an important member of the community not to choose the community school and to be unsettled by it, given that vicars tend to be seen as an example to others (whether they like it or not). It's not at all unreasonable to question it in your own mind.

[IsItFridayYetPlease]

But it is not about the vicar avoiding people; he is around his parish, he is in school as CoG. It is about his children avoiding people. Poor kids, they have a right to not have people bitching if they get a big part in the nativity or get picked for a team or are awarded a certificate. Or that Dad has the teacher's ear because he's in school or good seats at the shows because his CoG... etc. Or criticising their behaviour because "his dad's the vicar".
How many MN-ers moan when teachers have children in their school/class...

[LJBrownie]

I agree that this is outrageous. But typical. If it's a good school, it's all about avoiding the people. That is shocking for a vicar - I do not agree that it is none of your business. It absolutely is.

[rabbitstew]

And, of course, what we do and think has absolutely nothing to do with the world we end up with - that's always someone else's problem to sort out and everybody should mind their own business, not everyone else's. It's a wonder anyone bothers to pretend otherwise, by swanning around with a dog collar, or asking for your vote.

[rabbitstew]

I guess it's got fuck all to do with anyone whether he's a Christian, either, I mean fgs, what's it got to do with anyone what other people do or think? We're all just little floating islands, unconnected to the mainland.