Vicar wants to send his dd to private school even though he is the Governor of lovely inner city school

[iamnotaprincess]

I am really disappointed and angry about this. Ds goes to a CoE primary school here in inner city London. We were all expecting the vicar, school governor, to send his dd to the school, but no, apparently he is thinking of sending her privately. I feel outraged. It is a good school, very inner city, but a good school, the children in ds' class are thriving. How dare he? And he is a vicar!

[ClickNegg]

just because someone is a gov of a school doesnt mean they have to send any kids they have there does it?

[scaryteacher]

If by kids you mean offspring, I'd like to see anyone try to send my 49 yo dh back to school because his mum is a governor!

[cory]

lol at scaryteacher

as it so happens our vicar does have children, but the last one didn't (or at least not young ones); he was still a governor by virtue of his office, not through being a parent

parent governors are only part of the governing board- if he's a vicar that's probably not what he's doing there

come to think of it, I think our vicar sends his kids to the Catholic school; I certainly keep meeting him up that way

his choice and does not bother me at all

[piscesmoon]

If I was married to a vicar I would be furious if he thought that the parish should dictate our decisions regarding our DCs.
Schools are a very personal decision, different schools suit different DCs-even within the same family.
He has as much right as anyone else to choose. It doesn't alter his role as governor.
Lots of teachers teach in one school and send their DCs to another (shock horror-some teachers in the state sector educate their DCs privately!)

[pigsinmud]

You do what is best for your child.

Dh's mother refused to send dh to a grammar school when he passed his 11+ because of her principles - believed in the comprehensive system. He went to local boys comp and had the most miserable time of his life.

Don't judge - you don't know the reasons behind the decision.

[MaisietheMorningsideCat]

And conversely, FIL won a scholarship to a grammar school, and had the most miserable time because he didn't have the right sort of everything, and came from the wrong background.

[piscesmoon]

It all goes to show that the child should come first-it is what suits the child-not principles or politics.

[MaisietheMorningsideCat]

Agree - although it's often hard to tell until the child starts the school. You just have to go with your gut instinct, hope that it proves correct, and be prepared to change your mind if it all goes belly-up.

[pigsinmud]

That's very true MaisietheMorningsideCat!

[MrsBarchester]

My DH is a vicar and a governor at the local school where our dc are pupils.
He is a governor because a) he finds it interesting, b) he wants to help the school with which the church have very close ties, and c) because he has to - it is in his job description.
Our children go to the school because it is very good and is our local school.
BUT - We very nearly took our DS out of the school (which BTW was the 3rd school he'd been to due to the number of moves that my DH has to make with his job) because he found it so traumatic being in an environment where because his dad has such a close involvement with the school, EVERY child and parent knew who he was, he was teased, comments made about us, where we live, what we wear, what we do etc.
The majority of parents at the school know every single bit of detail about our lives; they are by and large an extremely nice bunch who I hope don't judge us too much so I don't have alot of angst about it, but my DC do from time to time and I have a lot of sympathy for them.
Those sorts of problems are fairly common for clergy children. The other problem is that because of the not infrequent changes of post means that clergy families tend to move every 5-6 years resulting in alot of disruption for children's education. Consequently, lots of clergy try to find boarding schools etc where their children can have some stability in their lives. Others take advantage of the fact that many private schools, if they originally had a christian foundation, give subsidies for clergy children, and are therefore able to afford to send their children there where they are often removed from the parish and can have a bit more freedom to be who they are.
Being a clergy family can be enormously stressful for all sorts of reasons, but we do the best we can - please don't add to our burdens by expecting us to fulfill your personal beliefs / prejudices about how we should educate our children!

[scaryteacher]

Great post Mrs Barchester; my mum lives in a parish where the vicars wife is a high powered business woman with a ds from a previous marriage, and she doesn't go to church or get involved very often. When mum was clucking about this, I pointed out that this lady had married the man, but didn't necessarily share his religious beliefs.

The same for education - I wouldn't want people knowing the ins and outs of my life, so would go down the private route. I also understand about the continuity of education part, being married to a Serviceman.

Great name as well! Am reading the Barchester Chronicles at the moment. I remember seeing it on TV when young, and being charmed by it (and falling for Mr Rickman very early on!)

[MrsBarchester]

scaryteacher - that is so weird! I fancied him too (and I must have been all of 13 or so). Why was that - given that he was playing such an utterly repellant character?!! Is there some secret underground fetishistic Obadiah Slope fanclub out there do you think?
(Sorry - this is all completely off the thread!)

[scaryteacher]

I bet there is, I wonder if they'll let me join?

[susiey]

my dh is looking to become a vicar in the c of e.I currently work for a c of e church.

why should the local vicar have no choice about where to send his child. For the very reasons stated by some posters above about anonimity for the children etc I have sent my dd to a local community school instead of the c of e school. We felt for my dd that the community school had a better feel for her it was bigger she would not be known as the ( potential ) vicars child and also that she went to church quite enough without having to go every 2 weeks with school.Ita a sought after school but its wasn't right for our daughter we let someone who really wanted that school get a chance at her place.

your vicar works for your church his family do not give them a break .Vicars kids get a hard enough time at school without local parishners joining in!I know a number who have been really badly bullied and since put in private education( using full grants) because of the very fact their Dad/Mum was a vicar

[roisin]

I am married to a member of the clergy. He is Chair of Govs at our local primary and works incredibly hard, many, many, many long (unpaid) hours in that role. My children both attended that school and thrived there. However they have since gone on to a secondary, which is not the local catchment school. It is ideal for them, for a number of reasons. The catchment school was not.

I would be devastated if I felt someone was judging us on our education choices because of the work he does in school.

Would you rather this guy did not give his time/input to the school?

[pugsandseals]

Not read the whole thread but that people here think they have a say on what is best for somebody else's child!!!

How dare you! As a teacher I can quite understand why he wouldn't want his child at the same school as himself. It keeps politics out of it & gives the child a chance to be their own person- not just the vicars little darling.

I would never want my child taught in the same catchment area as me. I would find it too difficult to seperate work & home duties, DD would find it difficult having me in her face all the time. This is why vicars are offered reduced private school fees- to protect their family from getting sucked into the politics.

[Egwene]

Good for him.

[SophB95]

I am sorry this is really late, but I just thought I should say, I am a vicar's kid, my dad was not a governor, however I went to the school for 2 years and was known as Paul's daughter and was not treated the same as the other kids which meant I got bullied, I hated it, I recon it is probably why I am so shy around people my own age now, and I would recommend that other vicars did the same. My parents have other friends who are vicars and they have had similar problems.

[AngelsWithSilverWings]

Soph - my DH was the vicars kid and was bullied relentlessly all through school because of who he was. He was a really really bright kid but left school at 16 because he couldn't face going into the 6th form with the bullies.

His parents would never have been able to afford private schooling though. They barely had enough to live on.

[horsemadmom]

If the Vicar's children have any hope of establishing an independent identity, they can't go to a local school. Don't you think it might be unfair to spend your childhood having every thought, word and deed judged because you are the child of the Vicar? This isn't about the quality of the school, methinks. It's about ensuring his DC doesn't suffer from the judgements of others. There's something in your bible about that, I believe.
He's being very sensible IMO.

[settingsitting]

imo, he should not be sending her to a private school.
Part of being a vicar is to set examples. Being a hypocrite is not one of them. And I speak as being a christian myself.

[settingsitting]

He could send her to a different school, not private, if he is genuinely worried about the bullying aspect.

[MrsMaturin]

THIS THREAD IS 4 YEARS OLD.

[settingsitting]

Oh bother.

Why do posters do this?