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Original poster

i want to put dd in new school what do i tell them?

20 replies

lifesucks · 29/03/2010 07:58

dd1(9)has been having problems with other children since nursery.they say things to her and she reacts by hitting them.since being in year4 she has tried really hard and this has stopped but there was an incident the other day and after school one of the kids parents said something not very nice to her.i know my dd is wrong for hitting but these girls dont get in trouble for what they say to her she gets all the blame cause she gets caught hitting.i've had enough now and i am going to take her out of this school and get her into another one.what i want to know is what do i say to the new prospective school so they will give her a place.do i have to give them a reason why she left the other school?hope someone can help.

OP posts:
Portofino · 29/03/2010 08:01

It doesn't really sound like the school is the problem here. Have you spoken to them about how to deal with the issue?

Original poster
lifesucks · 29/03/2010 08:06

i know the school isnt the problem i just want to get my dd away from these girls and have a new start.the school say she isnt really a problem.

OP posts:
oldenglishspangles · 29/03/2010 08:10

Just tell them she hasnt really settled in school. You have been patient but feel your dd needs a fresh start.

Original poster
lifesucks · 29/03/2010 08:13

thanks i just dont want my dd to be branded with a bad reputation at a new school cause of the past.

OP posts:
mnistooaddictive · 29/03/2010 09:32

A word of caution - at the the new school she will be isolated as the new girl and may recieve unkind comments becayse they don't know her. She and you need to be prepared for this.

MintHumbug · 29/03/2010 09:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
lifesucks · 29/03/2010 09:36

thank you i understand this but i really think this is the only choice.i just dont know how much to say to the possible new school

OP posts:
ageing5yearseachyear · 29/03/2010 13:24

in reality, if the new school has a place, they have to offer it to her, so unless she has a statement there is no need really for you to flag it up.

I think, if it were me, I would be honest with the new school. What you are suggesting seems really reasonable. She has had problems with these girls since nursery- they taunt her to get a reaction and she very occaisionally hits out under provocation. She now has been labelled. The school have been good but cant stop these girls. you want her to have a fresh start. what will they do to help her settle in and make new friends?

It sounds like you have made a good decision. It signals to your daughter that you understand her. If it continues at the new school, you will know that it isnt just those particular girls and that the problem is wider and needs addressing.

Ring round some schools, find which have vacancies and go and have a look.

Original poster
lifesucks · 29/03/2010 15:12

thanks ageing.i have called the school nearest to us but they have no places.they have her name on the list and will call if a place comes up.all i can do is wait as all other schools are a bit far away.
i called her school earlier to tell them about what the other mum said and found out my dd was in the heads office.this was cause she had sent notes to the girls mum telling her i was coming into school to talk about her mum.the head was furious with her and said she was stiring up trouble.
i told the head i was going to change school and she said that would be a shame.im so fed up and cross and sad.

OP posts:
MillyMollyMoo · 29/03/2010 15:52

A word of caution - at the the new school she will be isolated as the new girl and may recieve unkind comments becayse they don't know her. She and you need to be prepared for this.

My experience is quite the opposite and that the other children love a new girl with her new life story to extract from her, she'll be the centre of attention for a good week or two.
But how she handles that is important.
My DD who was also 9 when I moved her decided to announce to her new school friends that she was weird, a label given to her by the kids we were moving her from to knock the name calling on the head. It didn't occur to me that DD would bloody do the damage herself before she even got to know anyone.
Luckily the girls in the new school told her to get a grip and be herself and she has, but worth a little chat to make sure you don't have the same problems.

Original poster
lifesucks · 29/03/2010 15:57

thanks milly.my dd says she does want to move school.i have told her that she needs to behave differently at the new school or else it will just be the same.

OP posts:
MillyMollyMoo · 29/03/2010 16:06

I found it virtually impossible to move schools within the state system, we called schools to see if they had a place and they phoned our children's current school to keep them informed and gave a run down of all our reasons.
It came down to private for us because we wanted three places but even one place would have meant finding God (Catholic).

Original poster
lifesucks · 29/03/2010 16:09

we cant afford private.i want her to go to a localish school cause my dd2 will be starting nursery in september.so cant be in two places at once at drop off and pick up time.

OP posts:
rainbowinthesky · 29/03/2010 18:47

I can understand why you think it's a good idea to move schools but I honestly think you're just going to shift the problem elsewhere.

primarymum · 29/03/2010 18:50

The Head from your prospective school will, no doubt, speak to the Head of your current school to find out all about your daughter so don't try to avoid mentioning the problems your daughter is having as he/she will soon find out! That said, there are SOME Heads whose opinion we take with a very large pinch of salt!

sunnydelight · 30/03/2010 04:42

There is a process called a "managed transfer" that isn't widely known about. In doing this a child actually transfers his/her funding with them, enabling a school that may officially be full to accept an extra pupil. It is used mainly for children who everyone agrees need a "fresh start" so it may be appropriate in your case.

We managed to move DS1 to a school that was officially full using this. Our situation was different - DS1 was assaulted by a teacher at his first school, the school tried to cover it up until the same teacher broke another child's nose in front of 30 witnesses, but the head STILL didn't want us to move our son. The LEA were really helpful and told us about this when the school we wanted to move him to were happy to have him, but didn't have a place.

Hope it works out whatever you decide to do.

PruneJuice · 30/03/2010 05:05

just tell the new school she was being bullied. Seems to me that this is wht has been happening.

Original poster
lifesucks · 30/03/2010 07:50

we have decided that we are taking dd out of her school and homeschooling her until a place comes available at the other school we want.

OP posts:
PruneJuice · 30/03/2010 07:57

good for you.

Is she going in today? Because you can withdraw immediately. A letter to the school is all you need to do.

A draft of the de-reg letter is on the website at www.educationotherwise.org if you need one.

Original poster
lifesucks · 30/03/2010 08:17

she is not going in today and they break up for hols tomorrow.i will probably give the letter after the hols.

OP posts:
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