feeling hopeless :( is there ANYTHING we can do?

[MathsMadMummy]

DH and I are feeling increasingly worried about his DD (1 of 3 DCs with his exW). She's in yr7 and unlike her twin is really not enjoying school. She's completely disengaged from education. She's really bored and not putting in any effort, but the school are just not picking up on it - she's not misbehaving or badly struggling so she gets ignored.

But the main problem, TBH, is from her home environment. DH went for custody during the divorce (before the DDs were born, way before we met) but got nowhere. We moved closer in 2008 to be nearer and help with school but it feels totally pointless because of exW. Please note I don't make a habit of bitching about her - especially to DCs, quite the opposite in fact - but basically she doesn't care about their education.

DSD said today that if she enjoyed school it'd make her a loser.

Now that they're at secondary (the worst in town) they're also getting all the negativity from their friends, my happy clever DSD is disappearing! We've seen her big bro go from super-smart (he had much more input from DH in the early years) to failing and now this

It'd be easy for me not to care, they aren't my kids after all, but I love them so much! We give them help with hw, they get loads of encouragement but it is undone the second they walk through their mum's front door.

Sorry for waffling, I haven't made my point very well but I'm pretty upset right now. We are so frustrated if they lived with us it could be so very different. We are fighting a losing battle, any suggestions at all?

Gosh this sounds so tough.. I don't know if it's possible in your circumstances but could you employ a tutor to perhaps help get her back on track?

It's touching to read how strongly you feel about your DSC by the way..

thanks. I just want them to be happy and to have a decent future.

unfortunately a tutor is out of the question financially. although maybe if exW stopped smoking...

TBH between DH and I, we're capable of helping with most of their schoolwork, but DSD doesn't want to do her hw here much anymore, she prefers rushing through it at home in the lesson.

it's like they think it's normal for parents not to give a monkeys

Have you spoken to the school?

imo it really is important that they understand how important you view education. what do they think her underlaying abilities are? Is she reaching this? You know that there is nothing you can do about her mum but you can enagage with the school and set clear expectations about homework etc

yes, DH spoke to the school. he was shocked that DSD's teacher hadn't even noticed that she was bored because the work was too easy

so he asked them if they could challenge her a bit more, DSD was annoyed that he asked this, and quite embarrassed too.

similar problem with her twin actually, she's dyslexic but because she had a scribe/reader in SATs she got good results and is not entitled to extra help (WTF?!) - DH offered to bug the school about it as she really wants the help - but she said no, her mum was doing it (which is not true)...

I don't think the school have a clue about anything really. they just set worksheets for most subjects and just tick them (no comments on it) and maths is done online so the teacher doesn't even look at them, just gets the percentage score.

we really don't want to mess up the relationship we have with DSCs, it's got so great since we moved here and exW slags us off enough as it is. maybe she'd be happy for DH to talk to the school, I'll get him to ask again.

I know it's not exW's fault really, she readily admitted a while ago that she found it hard helping with hw (she was glad when we said we'd help more) - anyway it's the way she was brought up too I suppose. just wish she'd help her DCs work for the opportunities she didn't get IYSWIM? even if she can't actually help, she could encourage them?

oh dear another long waffly rant sorry

just a question - how do you know they are underachieving?
It is quite common for yr 7 pupils to plateau as they hit high school as they get a bit overwhelmed with the range of subjects and the depth of learning.

You say they don't look at the maths? I really doubt that, most schools are using their VLE to deliver lessons but that doesn't mean the teacher isn't looking at them?

while you clearly want the best for the children perhaps you are over reacting a tad?
You state you were shocked that the teacher hadn't noticed that she was bored, perhaps thats because she wasn't bored in the class, perhaps she is telling you that as you have high expectations of her and she doesn't want to disappoint you?