Hi
I would not worry to much about it. My girls board at a private school but only thanks to the MOD Continuity of Education Allowance which pays the hefty bulk of the fees. We also pay a fair sum (alot more than the minimum 10%)but without the allowance we could not afford it. My husband is not an officer and we are ordinary not posh in any way people.
We live in Forces Housing which depending where we live can be pretty grotty and rarely better than an old fashioned 3 bed semi. Some of the housing estates we live on look pretty dire as with Forces Housing accomodating a transient population most people dont put much love or personlisation to their homes. Our current house has a 1960's kitchen with chipped fake leatehr effect work tops. The unit doors are different colours as they have needed to be replaced over the years - we have orange, yellow, teak wood effect and green all in one room etc. Am not moaning just painting the full picture for you.
Both my DDs have friends back at weekends. One friend that comes often is a day girl at the school who's parents live in a castle - yes I did say castle. Its stunning with suits of armour in the hall . Other friends live in my dream type Farmhouse style houses, with gardeners and au pairs etc other kids live in terraced houses, flats in pretty average type places and both parents work their fingers to the bone to afford the fees.
Yes - there are the shockingly wealthy (lets move to the IOM types) but actually really lovely people, but there are more "normal" (to us) type people too. You will get a mix.
To date we have had no issues with the girls and my eldest is in her 4th year of being at the school. I dont pretend to be anything that I am not - my jaw hitting the floor when I enter the Castle etc - sort of gives it away that its not the norm for me.
I do wonder whether the teenage years will make it more of an issue but having spoken to other Forces Boarding School mums with children a few years ahead of my 2, it seems not.
I don't suppose anyone can ever guarantee you that being a less well off child will have no negative effect but its one of those quirks of private schooling that has not lived upto the sterotypical myths that everyone is posh, loaded etc.
At DDs school it is highly uncool to have brand new uniform it must look faded and come from the S/H shop. DD was mortified (as was I because of the cost) when there were no S/H Blazers left and she shop and she needed new!
The attitude of pupils is alot more positive in general - the children seem genuinely pleased and enthusiatic if another child achieves something good. At DDs last school the piss was taken for doing something well or for standing out from the crowd.
The thing is though - kids are kids. Bullying happens in EVERY community - workplaces, schools etc. I am not saying it wont ever happen - but that all my worries about being the "poorer parents" have been totally unfounded to date.
Another thing to bear in mind is that Inependent schools are just that - Independent - they stand alone and so can be vastly different and each one attract different types of families or have a different feel and ethos.
So do your research, go to open days, go on individual visits. Ask around locally for peoples opinions. When you have shortlisted a school or 2 - ask the school if you can contact a current parent to answer questions etc. Most will gladly do this. I have been asked to chat to other prospective parents for my DDs school - and its something I will gladly do as I know what a big decision it is.
When we were looking at schools I found the school newsletters and magazines said alot more about the school than any prospectus.
If you are on the schools mailing list - you may find yourself invited to shows, fetes, concerts and other functions at the school. Go. This will also help give you a real flavour and insight to the school and type of people involved with the school.