My son needs to improve his listening skills ' as a matter of urgency'

[tigermoth]

That's what my year 1's school report says. Without those skills, the teacher says he will be holding himself back in all subjects.

His teacher says he is very bad at following instructions- poor eye contact, won't concentrate if an adult is speaking to him. I know this. He can hear and respond if he wants to but will switch off when he doesn't. He had his hearing checked six months ago. It was fine. He can concentrate when he wants to - spends hours playing imaginary games with friends or his toys.

The report states that these listening skills can be (with the implication should be) taught at home. How exactly? I feel there is a bit of buck passing happening here. I am happy to work in partnership with the teacher but feel she is blaming us. She has not suggested ways we can improve his listening skills.

Anyway, I know as a suitably worried and concerned parent I will be expected to go in to see her next week. Before I do, can you give me ideas about improving listening skills - strategies that would work with a nearly 6 year old with perfect hearing? I want to go to the meeting full of positive suggestions. Thanks very much.

Tiger, I just ordered it here . I have had ongoing problems with ds1 aged 8 who is actually very bright, classed as "talented" but from the off has never paid attention in school. Friends who know ds1 think its because he's so far ahead of others (i.e was reading at level of 8-year-old before starting school) but I know there's more to it. We have had him assessed by an OT and got headphones for sensory integration which did help some but not hugely. The assessment showed that he had poor muscle tone and was distractible, any little noise or any feeling of discomfort like e.g a label rubbing off the back of his neck would throw him off. It does annoy me when teachers suggest that somehow its our fault or that our home environment is lacking in some way because I know that I am an attentive parent!

btw, I have noticed that if they do a science project or has to write a story, he is very enthusiastic but some of the more mundane tasks seem to be a problem.

And I really wish they had a name for this!
He doesn't have AS/ASD
He doesn't have ADHD
He doesn't have dyslexia
He doesn't have dyspraxis
He doesn't have anything I can google!

I sometimes think that home education would benefit kids like this - or any education that let a child follow their own interests as much as they wanted. Sure it would suit ds. HOwever am not suited myself for this job (and have my own job) so he will be going to school and I fear he might be a bit like this himself.

tigermoth,

Have you considered requesting a referral to a speech and language therapist? My dd1 has normal hearing and speech but has quite severe language problems in terms of how she takes in, processes and then uses language. Her poor listening skills are part and parcel of this. These types of problems are very easily missed or put down to the factors that your son's teacher is implying. Something to consider anyway if the other strategies don't help.

Aloha, I completely agree with you. But I do feel that school has been brilliant socially for ds. He does love school, loves certain subjects, but appears to be "absent" for quite a lot of it! I also have a feeling that if we were homeschooling here, we might not always get up on time in the mornings to get any work done!

not read all of thread (again) but listening isnt something that goes hand in hand with hearing! I once went to a book sale thing and there was a man there selling tapes to improve listening. They were music with apeaking hidden in it! it was years ago and i am a bit vague but the sale was in assosiation with the dyslexic society so maybe someone there could help.
I dont think it will be a serious as that but if you are concerened. Anyway most childs listening skills are selective...Can you tidy the atble... I didnt hear you...do you want chocolate with your strawberries...yes please!!!!

such a lot of useful advice here!
I was heartened to see other people thought the teacher's had been in the wrong to put my son's bedtime as a target in his report. It's not in his power to alter the time he goes to bed, so I think it's a really inappropriate thing to list. Because of this, and the other meetings I have had with the teacher, I know we won't see eye to eye so I want to avoid seeing her this week.

All your messages gave me the idea to write her a note. I acknowledged her concern about my son, then listed the tactics we will be using to help ds with his listening, memory and concentration skills (playing games, positive praise, looking him in the eye when we are speaking to him, adding a buzz word at the beginning of a sentence etc) Unfortunately I did not see all the messages from today but at least had something to go on.

I ended the note by saying if she still wanted to see me this week, can she fix a time? But if she feels we have discussed this enough already and thinks our plan for the holidays is ok, I am happy to leave it for now. So the ball is in her court. I have shown willing and if she feels she has something new to discuss with me, she is free to contact me. I am hoping she will not see this as an opportunity to probe further into our home routine and make more critical judgements....

basketcase, your description of why childern don't respond to teachers in class - fear of the audience, the flight, fight, flock or freeze pressure, rings so true. I can see how my son would respond like this. The teacher says his vocalubary is good, but I still don't think at his age, he is articulate or self aware enough to tell anyone how or why he freezes up. I will try to talk to him about it, as I know he thinks hard, but bottles things up. If nothing else, it will give him food for thought. When he is a bit older I hope we can have a proper conversation about it.

Binkie, your memory strategies are spot on - the things you list are exactly the things my son would find challenging. Yet he can be the leader in playing complicated make believe games with other children and adults, issue streams of orders and follow them to the letter, be totally on the ball when he wants to be. I just don't know what to make of this.

scummy, I will definitely be telling my army-mad son how soldiers have to listen hard to commands. Hope this gets through to him...and most importantly he holds that thought when he is in the classroom.

Custardo, I did remember your previous postings about your son being in a land of his own when I first saw the teacher's comment on the report. You have more years of experience of this than me, so pleased to see you think it's an interest thing, too.

got to dash and will come back to the other comments later. Yeahbut, that's really interesting about the speech and language therapist. Ds can talk well and confidently. He is outgoing and has IMO good social skills, but I am not so sure about how he takes in, uses and processes language in every situation. He just clams up sometimes when asked really simple questions at home. If he is doing this a lot in the classroom, then I can see why the teacher is very concerned.

Read the most recent messages again, just now. Thanks again. At present, I honestly don't think my son is on the autism spectrum in any way, or has dyslexia, but time might prove me wrong. When I next see the teachers (this term or next) I will definitely talk about him being referred to a speech therapist.

Right now, my gut feeling is that ds2 needs lots of conversation time without his bigger, louder, super articulate 11 year old brother butting in. I feel he needs extra practice in talking and listening with me and other adults, holding a conversation for longer than 2 minutes. He is lovely company, but so eager to play when we go out that he often runs off, finds friends, gets involved in a game and that cuts down the time I talk to him. At home, he gets very busy with toys and will watch TV avidly when allowed. And if we are having a conversation, ds1 will often take over and ds2 fades into the background. Perhaps this is it. We do chat before bed, and he seems to listen and converse very well then. Mind you, I am not asking him to learn his ABCs....

I will keep reading these messages as there is such a lot of advice in them. The more I think about it, the less I want to see ds's form teacher this term, but I have a horrible feeling she will want to see me. I'll let you know what happens.

Just stall her for another week. You can do it.

stallng her for another week takes us into the summer holidays of course. Don't think she'll hound us then...

T'moth - sorry, missed this, and haven't any thoughts based on experience as my DS is you nger - nbut i am v much of S=the Scumster's and Aloha;'s thoughts on this - and think your last post sounds v perceptive, too.
Having met your Ds quite briefly, I thought he was absolutely delightful, but maybe he is proof of Steve Biddulph's pudding about school not necessarily suiting boys until a few years after girls. Lots of encouragement, one-to-one communication mihgt do the trick - and maybe some intensive tome with his dad??

I dunno....

Tigermoth, not being able to answer direct questions was one of the most obvious "symptoms" of dd1's issues. With lots of people around i.e. the classroom situation, this is very often put down to not listening unless the teacher is switched on. BTW, we still don't have an exact diagnosis for dd1's issues - she doesn't fit neatly into any recognised disorder although she has these distinct language problems and they are pretty convinced that she does not have autism or ADD.

yeahbut, sounds very similar - I will remember this and may pick your brains further if this continues next term.

Binkie, likewise - is it ok to CAT you about memory games if we decide to take this further?

Well, it looks like I don't have to see the teacher - phew! I'm off the hook.

I asked my son's after school playclub leaders if they thought he had bad listening skills.They know both my sons well.

The leadres said ds's listening is bad, but it is selective - he listens when he's interested. Not then a general or easy to label SEN issue, then. I also asked them if he seems exhausted and needing sleep. They said absolutely not - he is always very on the ball.

Yes of course do CAT me.

I will also have a word with ds about when & where he has listening problems, and what helps. Sometimes with him it may not precisely be listening problems - ie he takes it all in fine - but responding problems - ie he can't process and package an answer in the way & in the time expected of him. His school reports tend to deplore the fact that he stares out the window, taps his pencil, generally is a space cadet and pain; and then comes out with a question that proves the whole lot's gone in. I think the whole area of boys and ideas and language is all rather subtle and fascinating.

Just wanted to add one thing: has your ds seen an educational psychologist? Would you think of doing that? I think my ds has a few more issues than yours, so it was a more obvious thing for us to do, but the view of a good EP is very interesting. (NB there are good ones and bad ones!)

Likewise, Tigermoth, if you want to ask anything, feel free.