encouraging your kids to do their best

[Cherys]

Anyone know how to do this?

Whenever I think I'm being encouraging they think I'm nagging. I teach AE and occasionally have had this problem with students. I think they're good and deserve a push - they think I'm getting at them, so obviously I'm a bit thick and insensitive in this area and would love some tips from parents who've got the knack.

My boys are both bright and I don't want to be a pushy mother or hothouse them but they don't need to make any effort at all to be in the top sets at school and I want to teach them that effort is worthwhile. But I find the balance really tricky.

Any advice welcome. Thanks

I think the key is to praise when they work hard rather than nagging them when they don't.

I think a lot of people make the mistake of praising a child when they do well. They think it matters more being clever rather than actually working hard. It is important to praise your child if they have worked hard and not done exceptionally well.

We have this issue with the DSSs - they both do very well and are at or nearly at the top of every class but in matter of fact they could both (usually) do even better.

We encourage them to go beyond what their homework requires of them when we know they are able to do so (notably in English and Maths, where there is quite a lot of room for manoeuvre) and we are always available to show them how to go beyond the minimum (which of course is not the same as doing their work for them).

We constantly tell them when we think that the work they are set is not stretching them, and we set them goalposts outside those set by the school. Basically it's a form of flattery! They have now got it into their heads that the level to which school is working is beneath the level of which they are capable and since they are both competitive and ambitious, they buy in! But we keep repeating the mantra that they are very clever, but that being clever requires ever more work.

Thanks for your replies. Bonsoir, we too comment that being clever in itself is not an achievement but making an effort is. I don't often push them beyond school work, but do encourage a lot of learning outside of the curriculum because they truly enjoy it more. They see schoolwork as rather dull and judging by a lot of the printed handouts they're given, I agree.

Reallytired, this may sound stupid but I'm not sure I know the difference between nagging and encouragement. I always thought nagging was negative and forceful: you must do this/you'll not get pocket money unless you do that etc. I never do that, but what I think of as encouragement, getting them to go the extra mile, often backfires and they lose their enthusiasm.

Are there any books specifically on encouraging your child? I googled the subject but haven't found anything.