Has anyone put their kids back in school from home ed?

[ButterPie]

We are considering home education, but are worried about what will happen if it doesn't work out - are our DDs likely to have problems integrating back into a "normal" state school?

Also, why did you stop home ed? I'm a bit worried by all the stories up to now being positive - it must go wrong sometimes.

Just because your children go back into school, doesn't mean that HE has gone wrong. Maybe they have matured and want something different. DS1 considered secondary school because it sounded exciting and we weren't in touch with many home edders so he was feeling a bit lonely. But by the time we found out that we hadn't got the school we wanted, he was less bothered as we had started meeting up with some other home edders on a regular basis. He's still happy being HE but if he wants to go to school, we would support him in that.

One friend's eldest DD went to secondary school after several years of home ed and loves it. She is doing really well and is a 'high flier'. There is another home ed girl in the same year, who is very similar. Some children do struggle, certainly in the early days of returning to school and maybe some are just not suited to a school environment. Also some parents may feel capable of teaching primary and not secondary.

If you post this on the Home Ed board, you'll get a better response . I don't have any experience of this situation personally.

I wanted to get the downsides, the he forum is very positive, which is lovely, but I worry I am missing the bad points.

everything I read makes me think it sounds excellent, but why doesn't everyone do it?

I can't speak from personal experience, but I do know quite a few children who have moved in and out of home ed / school as it suited their needs. In particular at least two boys I know moved back into school at end of primary in one case & 14 in the other because they wanted to study particular subjects & felt that there were good opportunities in school, plus many HE children round here seem to use the local FE college from age 14.

I also know one primary age boy who was HE for a while then chose to go to an 'alternative' school because he wanted more variety of companions (though I know that's not what you're thinking of).

It may be that things are different here though because we are in a very rural area, so there's no issue with not 'getting in' to a particular school, there is only one state secondary school really & I guess they have to take you! Certainly none of them as far as I know have had integration problems, & I guess they are going to have a more positive attitude to school than many teenagers as it is their choice to be there . . .

I get worried too about all the stories about HE being so positive ....

I've found it really quite difficult to have a conversation with home edders about the pros and cons of HE. Because there are no cons! Apparently. And they get very upset if you suggest there might be.

It's like trying to debate god with (some) very devout people. They just do not accept there is another way of seeing things other than their own.

It's actaully the main thing that would put me off HE, having to mix with the HE parents who are like that.
Disclaimer - I'm sure they aren't all like that, it's jsut the ones I've met and the threads that I've seen on the HE board here.

I would be interested tho to see whether anyone owns up to negative experiences of HE if you post something on hte HE forum.

I'll say it here too, Otter - do you think we're lying? Why the hell would we do it if HE came with a load of downsides.

I'm glad you don't HE, because I wouldn't much like to socialise with you if your view of someone who has made a positive lifestyle choice that is proving to be very positive for them is that they lie to people about the realities of HE.

Seriously irritated by your post!

One of ours went back in Sept. after 3y HE. No problems whatsoever.

We have friends who HE'd theirs. They (the children) chose to go to school and all started about the same time aged between 9 and 5, and seemed to settle in with no problems. (small rural village school).

kid locally gone into school after HE
and one i taught once, years ago - to say she was quirky was an understatement

both of mine have gone back to school, one into Y6 as she wanted to go to secondary and there were issues with the application process, and one into Y3 the following year. Both doing well, and enjoying school (mainly).

Mrs Wobble - I don't, and haven't said that I think you or anyone else who home eds is lying.
I have said, and implied, that I think (and its only my opinion so please dont get too upset by it) that some people who HE are rather evangelical about it and don't/won't open up to others about the downsides of HE and that they get very upset when other people try to debate anything to do with HE with them.

Well you can see from the thread on the home ed topic that you are wrong. What HEors object to is non-HEors coming and saying what they think is downsides of HE when what they are usually saying is myths.

The reason HEors appear evangelical about it is because, for most of them, there genuinely are very few downsides. Otherwise why would they do it?

good friend of mine home edded from 4 until year 8, always had the view that she would do it as long as dc were happy. schools v good around here so it was a positive choice.

in year 8 dc decided they wanted the company and she felt that trying to get her fairly bright kids to knuckle down was harder work due to the amount of hormones flowing.

they had to catch up in a few subjects but nothing that wasnt acheived within the first term.

they had lots of local friends already at the school so no problem socially. i dont think home education or school should be a once and forever decision. Nobody knows what their kids needs will be years ahead

My DS went back to school this year after 2 years of HE - but we had done quite formal HE and it was a practical choice for us (oith the HE and the return to school) rather than being about problems with school.
He has certainly had no problems integrating back in.

From what I've heard, HE children usually do fine when they go back into schools, because it is their own positive choice to go, so they want to make it work.

The things I can think of being possible issues would be -

if you go for autonomous HE and your children are not reading at maybe 7 or 8 then went into school, they could feel uncomfortable about being "behind", and would struggle to do the work the rest of the class were ding, so feel left out.

if your DC are used to having few rules at home (which might or might not be the case!) then getting used to school rules can be tricky - schooled children get over that at 5 or so, but it may be harder to adapt at an older age

That's about it really!

My personal misgiving about HE is that it would drive me mad not to have a break from the kids.

I love them dearly and love tutoring, which is how I earn a living. We do a lot of 'educational' things at home as we all find them fun. After a run of great days at half term, painting Jackson Pollocks and going to the science museum and spending a whole morning playing piano I wonder why we don't HE as I have a lot of misgivings about their school. My kids love learning at their own pace, and exploring what fires their imagination. Some good friends of mine HE and their lives do often seem like a glorious party but I know that after a week I'd be crabby and shattered and palming them off on the computer.

I do some tutoring of HE kids. They are often gifted as they've been allowed to excel at what they love. This is great and so persuasive. But they've also often fallen way behind in subjects which their parents place lesser importance on, or which don't play to their parents' strengths. And, critically, they find it impossible to wait their turn to be taught or to speak because they have a lot of undivided attention. Learning patience, taking a back seat, allowing others who aren't as capable as you to go more slowly ahead of you are all great life skills H-Edders might miss out on.

I'm not against it. If I had the right character and didn't need to earn a living, it could be a wonderful way of life. But I'd take a good look at your patience levels - being with the kids 24-7 isn't for everyone. And your kids' characters. Are they impatient? Then being in a class of 30 kids is probably good for them.

But if they fall way behind or are streets ahead or are being bullied or the local schools are weak, then it's a great way to teach, I think.

"My personal misgiving about HE is that it would drive me mad not to have a break from the kids."

This is my biggest concern, too. And I'll echo what Cherys has observed about HE children being over-strong in some areas and not pushed enough in areas where they're weak.

I have discussed HE a lot in last week with a friend who HEs (very happily).

She says that the biggest drawback is loneliness for the main 'teaching' adult. Beyond that, disapproval and sometimes social snubbing. So you end up feeling defensive. Also, you have to think that you give up on a lot of other options. Friend said "I gave up a lot of other things and dreams when I decided to HE."

And many people simply couldn't afford to HE, or not without making (for them, and maybe for anybody) unbearable financial sacrifices.

Also, HE friend has children who help out frequently around the house (sigh). She considers it a pact with them, she couldn't do HE without their help. Else she'd end feeling like their skivvy (as would I). I can't see my DS doing household chores just so that he didn't have to go to school. The whole helping-out thing would just turn into another horrible feeling battle zone (we have tried to improve DS attitude on this one, believe me ).

Parenting with precious little support (which is what I do) is hard enough. But HE without precious little support must be even worse.

"kid locally gone into school after HE
and one i taught once, years ago - to say she was quirky was an understatement"

That's good, isn't it? Or is it considered a good thing that all children behave/dress/speak the same way and enjoy the same things? Children not conforming is a good thing IMO.

I do wonder if it is a bit that the people who are inclined to HE really do think it is that wonderful, and of course it is, for them, it might not be for everyone. Things like not having time to yourself, not being able to work, having to fend of criticism, constantly being "different" might be very very difficult for one person, but insignificant for another. (I do apologise if I am wrong on some of these points BTW - it was an example rather than a statement about what is or isn't hard)

For example (sorry, again, to bring up another emotive issue) I am breastfeeding DS and I think it's great, I absolutely can't see any downsides to breastfeeding at all, for me, and it would be easy for me to assume that it ought to be great for everyone. But I can see how, for someone else, things like being the only one who can feed the baby might be very difficult to cope with.

I do wonder if a lot of the defensiveness about home education vs school education is because it's just a continuation of SAHM vs WOHM and brings up all the same feelings.

I HE my ds for a year - the time i took him out of school it ws absolutely the right decision - he was struggling emotionally and academically.

He was HE for a year and although it does have its positives i found it hard - i had no time for me, i had 2 pre schoolers as well which made life very hard. DS started to become lonely - there were no local kids - we had to go to places to meet them and that involved expense of travelling and/or costs of doing an activity.

There are some odd HErs as Riven says but there are lots of people like that in life!

DS went back to school - he went because he wanted to but i did encourage it. He slotted back into school quite happily - the teacher remarked that "considering he was HE he was very sociable" Obviously teacher thought he'd been locked in cupboard for a year!

He was behind in some things and had gaps in his knowledge because i hadnt followed a curriculum but to be honest i was never that worried as he was so far behind his peers when he left it made no difference - he was under the ed psych - when he returned to school he was SAplus - he is now just on SA and doing well.

It was the right decision for all of us - I am happy to have some time away from him - he is a hard work/ challenging child and his confidence has grown loads

Racmac that's such a happy story. How lovely to hear it worked out well for all of you. What a selfless thing to do for your son.