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Original poster

should we make her go to school?

57 replies

chicagomum · 13/07/2005 20:48

dd is 3and a half, for the past three weeks she has been going to a summer camp at a local school (we are in usa for 6 months) so she can play with other kids (we don't really know anyone here) for the first 2 weeks it was fine but the last week she's been hysterical every morning when i drop her begging me not to leave snot bubbles, the works. I phone when i get home and they say she's fine. when i pick her up she says she's had a good day but the next morning its the same story, she doesn't need to go as i'm not at work (it's basically like a childcare facility during the school holidays) but we did it because we thought she would enjoy it, dh says we should persevere as back in the uk when she starts school proper she'll have to go and if we give in now she'll think she can get away with it so to speak, but i feel awful leaving her in that state and i'm worried it could have an effect when she returns to nursery in uk, any thoughts?

OP posts:
Enid · 13/07/2005 22:06

but chicagomum's dd isnt going to make any long term friend in this summer camp anyway? Whats the point?

Original poster
chicagomum · 13/07/2005 22:09

back in the uk she loved school and over here was missing having the opportunity to play with other kids as i said before she asked to go and when i pick her up she say's she has had fun i can't believe that she thinks "oh well mummys left me so i'd best just get on with it" she seems to genuinely enjoy it so why does she perform?

OP posts:
soapbox · 13/07/2005 22:11

Poor thing - what on earth is going to be gained by keeping her there when she is so unhappy.

I know its cliched and there will be plenty on here who hate me for saying it, but trust me its true

They are little for such a very short time, enjoy the time that you have with them as the time will come round faster than you think when you are at the bottom of the pile of people they would like to spend time with!

PrincessPeaHead · 13/07/2005 22:12

interesting that you think she is performing when she is saying from waking to dropping off at camp "Idon't want to go", but you don't think she is performing when she is at camp but being quiet.

Not judging particularly, but I wonder why this is.

Also can't see why taking her out is such a big decision. Where is the harm? The idea that she will learn that school is optional is rubbish, IMO. Anyway in this case it IS optional, and it isn't school, it is camp. Just don't quite understand all the angst-ing really?

Original poster
chicagomum · 13/07/2005 22:15

what to you mean by not judging particularly but i wonder why this is - i'm not angsting particulary i just posted to get opinions on what others would do in this situation

OP posts:
PrincessPeaHead · 13/07/2005 22:28

I wonder why you assume the crying is the performance, not the enjoying school bit.

I would assume that her upset and not wanting to go is real, but her quiet behaviour once there is possibly just a coping strategy.

hercules · 13/07/2005 22:29

I agree with pph. she's only 3, seems alot for her to cope with.

Original poster
chicagomum · 13/07/2005 22:29

then why say when she gets home that she had fun and enjoyed it rather than perform in the evening and say she doesn't want to go

OP posts:
Enid · 13/07/2005 22:30

because the horror of going probably isnt quite as bad as she has imagined and she is so relieved that she is at home with you?

hercules · 13/07/2005 22:31

surely it is better to give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she isnt happy rather than persist on the offchance she does enjoy it?

Enid · 13/07/2005 22:32

well if it were me I would have a fab time in Chicago with my 3 year old for 6 months. You could make it a really golden time.

moondog · 13/07/2005 22:32

chicagomum,moved to Turkey (dh's work) when my dd was 3 and I haven't yet sent her to anything. We just pootle about together,which is sometimes hard work (I also have a baby and we live in a very remote part) but she loves it.

Bet Chicago is full of fab stuff to do! What do you do all day? Do you have other children?

soapbox · 13/07/2005 22:33

I think it is quite clear that at 3.5 she's just not ready for this yet. In a year's time she will be a lot more mature and able to cope much better.

I think the greater danger is that she will feel that you don't care that she is upset. How on earth is she expected to communicate with you effectively as a child, if you ignore even the clearest of messages. (Looking at it from her point of view).

I agree with the overwhelming majority. Take her our and don't feel at all bad for doing so.

Enid · 13/07/2005 22:34

snot bubbles!

heartbreaking

JoolsToo · 13/07/2005 22:34

soapbox - I completely agree

Original poster
chicagomum · 13/07/2005 22:36

i have a 6 month old son so i don't sit back and do nothing, i do all the usual stuff a sahm does i'm not sending her there to get rid of her and indulge in retail therapy etc she wanted to go because she missed playing with other kids and also gets a chance to do painting etc which we can't do in our rented appartment

OP posts:
hercules · 13/07/2005 22:37

It sounds like she'd rather be with you tbh.

PrincessPeaHead · 13/07/2005 22:37

My husband took my daughter, then just 5, skiing.
He put her in ski school the first morning, picked her up in the afternoon, phoned me to tell me how happy and smiling and wonderful she was when he collected her.
He got a call from the ski instructor that evening telling him that she shouldn't come to ski school the next day because she had spent 5 hours crying and he couldn't teach any of the other children. She was so happy on collection because daddy was rescuing her!
Obviouly not completely the same as your situation but still....

soapbox · 13/07/2005 22:38

Why on earth can't you do painting in an apartment, rented or otherwise???

Sounds to me like a lot of cons and not many pros to the decision to keep sending her, from her point of view.

Assuming that for some obsure reason painting is out, then can't you find a little play group to take her to, where you stay with her while she indulges her artistic tendancies

PrincessPeaHead · 13/07/2005 22:39

She can do painting here!

Shedd Aquarium
Every Tuesday, Shedd offers a full day of activities created especially for the preschool set. "Tots on Tuesdays" includes story times, crafts, animal touch programs, videos, costumed characters, dancing and singing. Activities are based on a theme that changes every eight weeks, providing fun new learning experiences throughout the year. "Tots on Tuesdays" programs are designed for children ages 3 through 5, but younger and older children can enjoy them, too. Look for information about activity locations in the main foyer.

The current theme is Coral Homes and Habitats, featuring "circle times" with simple games and activities for preschoolers next to the Caribbean reef exhibit. We'll explore numbers, colors, textures, shapes and motions. And we'll have plenty of self-guided coral adventures and activities throughout the day. Upcoming themes include, the Children and Animals of the Amazon Flooded Forest and Shedd's Oceanarium animals.

moondog · 13/07/2005 22:41

We paint,do table top activities,cook,have stories,take long baths,go and meet daddy in town for lunch (and quite often dinner!)
go shopping,whizz around in the car,take walks and so on.

Listen, there's f** all to do in Van (apart from go to the mosque or wash your carpet in the lake).Chicago sounds a breeze!

Original poster
chicagomum · 13/07/2005 22:42

i'm not saying she isn't allowed to do painting just that as we are only here for a few months we have limited toys art stuff etc and she has access toalot more stuff at school, we live quite far from the aquarium and its a bbit of a nightmare with 2 small kids on public transport but we do go places together and do things

OP posts:
PrincessPeaHead · 13/07/2005 22:43

well you've canvassed opinions, good luck with your decision

moondog · 13/07/2005 22:45

Cities are great for walking though aren't they usually,with great parks and what have you. Nearest I get to a cultural outing is when a group of headscarved Kurdish women beckon me over in the 'park' (I use the term very loosely) for tea and sunflower seeds.

Love it though!

soapbox · 13/07/2005 22:45

Chicagomum, would I be right in saying that this is not the response you were really hoping to get

If there are other reasons why you feel DD needs to go to school then please do share them with us. It just seems as if the reasons you have posted for sending her are so inconsequential, that I get the feeling that there must be some other reasons that we are not aware of.

Would it make life much more difficult to have her around during the day while you are looking after your baby????