Primary school bullying

[DollySparkles]

My daughter is four, and started full time school in January. Prior to this she had really enjoyed nursery, and is generally a very happy confident child. She is enjoying the classroom part of school but in the last couple of weeks she has been being bullied by two older boys the year above her. She has been hit in the face, pushed over, pushed hard into a gate, had her possessions thrown in the bin etc.

Obviously this has had a really nasty impact on her. She went from loving school to sobbing and pleading with me not to make her go. It is heartbreaking.

I have spoken to the school, and I get the impression they want to minimise the issue. They repeatedly said this didn?t constitute bullying, have tried to imply that my daughter (and I) are over reacting, denied there was a bruise on her face (despite numerous people seeing it and asking what happened) and now seem to be trying to appease me rather that dealing with the problem. My daughter is clearly being ?primed? by the school as she is repeatedly coming out with sentences she has no understanding of, and this also concerns me.

We are currently on half term so I am hoping that perhaps the break will calm things down with the boys bullying. However, it may not, and I also now feel very uncomfortable about the schools attitude and supervision.

Does anyone have any advice? I am so worried about my little girl and do not want to let this problem become established.

Many thanks

We had this exact problem in ds's last school, the head refused to admit that any of the children in her school, who were all from "good families" would do such a thing. He was only there a term and a half, the alarm bells started to ring in the first week when he came home and told me that a group of children were wrapping up flowers in leaves and selling them as drugs . He began to be bullied, incidents ranging from a group of children trying to pull down his underpants in the playground to a child ramming his head into a filing cabinet. Bullyng happens in every school, it's how they deal with it that makes the difference. You can either take this to the governors or you can move her to somewhere where she will be safe. I opted to move my son, it's the best thing I did for him.

I would ask for a copy of the schools anti bullying policy it should at least be in the school prospectus. start to keep a record of all incidents. go in to see the headteacher and keep going in until things are dealt with to your satisfaction .put the question back to them as to why they do not think this is bullying. why are reception children playing alongside older children? in our school reception children play with nursery children they are in the foundation stage.

How heartbreaking for you and for your DD. I don't have any real advice but didn't want to leave this unanswered.

I have experienced my DS1 being bullied, on several different occasions, but have been very lucky in that the school have taken it very seriously and dealt with the problem strictly and straight away.

It is worrying that the school seem to be telling her what to say, I think you need to re-inforce with her how important it is for her to always tell you the truth about what happens and how she is feeling so that if she is sad or unhappy you can help her.

She also needs to tell a lunchtime/playtime supervisor straight away if something happens. Perhaps you could ask the school to keep a special eye out for her as the teachers may not feel they can punish a bully if they do not see the bullying happen. Also, was it her teacher only you spoke to? Might it be worth taking it to the Head? Or to a different member of staff? As for what constitutes bullying, we had a leaflet home about this recently and it states that it only counts as bullying if it happens regularly and is done deliberatley to cause hurt and upset. If this has only just started then perhaps the school do not feel it has reached the bullying stage yet? Personally I think this approach is wrong as any behaviour of this kind should be nipped in the bud if possible, especially in children so young.

Hopefully someone else will be along soon with something a bit more practical for you x

I would write a letter, stating what has happened to your dd and asking the school what measures they will take to prevent the bullying. Keep the letter simple, to the point and as unemotional as possible.

Your poor dd, it sounds so awful. It must be so hard for you too.

I hope you can get it sorted, dealing with bullying is so hard.

1. Keep a diary of the incidents and record everything that happens date and time and what was said.
2. Write to the teacher about the problems. It needn?t be long and rambling just short and to the point. ?I am very disappointed to find that ? My daughter is very unhappy at school because ??
3. At the end of next week, check with the school to see what has been done. Ask them what progress has been made regarding these problems.
4. I don?t know what you mean by ? ? being ?primed? by the school ??
5. If you are not happy that the problems are being addressed then take it up with the Headteacher. Ask what progress has been made regarding the problems.
6. You may choose to approach one of the Governors about the problems ?I?m concerned about ? I want to make sure that I?m going about this in the right way?. The Governors should just check that the correct procedures are been followed.
7. How the school addresses parental concerns is a measure of how good the school is.

I would add to dan s list take photos of any bruises and if you notice keep any injury slips that come out of school, to put in your diary.

I would also arrange a "dental appointment" for your dd that is during lunch time so that you can go and pick her up in the middle of the day then you can see how well they are supervising play times.

I used to bring ds home at lunch time as this was when most of the bullying happened. He was really happy with this, it did help a little but wouldn't have helped him make friends as he wasn't there.

lunchtimes are always the times in our primary school when 'incidents' happen too. I live near school and have been known to have a walk past as you do just to see exactly what kind of supervision is going on. convinced sometimes that there is not enough ratio of supervisory assistants to kids

I agree with Dans post.
We have experienced something similar since Ds1 (5) returned to school after xmas, except this was a younger child (3!!!) who was being aggressive, who had just started and i think it may be more to do with behavioural problems than bullying.
Ds1 had been so happy at school previously, it broke my heart that he was coming home saying he'd been scratched, pushed over, kicked etc.
I brought every incident up with his teacher, as she clearly wasn't aware if it had happened during lunch time, she assured me that child was being dealt with. I also have kept a list of every incident with the date.
Eventually we started to see a change in DS's behaviour at home (bed wetting, scared of the dark when it previously hadn't bothered him).
I spoke to his teacher again and later that afternoon had a call from the head.
I am reasonably happy that they are doing what they can, but am waiting to see what happens when Ds returns after half term.
You have my sympathy because it is heart breaking. I never expected bullying at this age

So sad to read your post DS. We too have a school where bullying "doesn't happen" and the children of the "nice families" who start it couldn't possibly be guilty. I'm sad to say when my son was bullied the school did nothing despite my complaining to the teacher and the deputy head. They didn't even have a policy on bullying, which I later discovered was against the law. I gave up on the school. It is badly run.

Instead, I focus now on my kids and how they might handle it. One goes to martial arts class. The other has done a little work book on feeling confident and standing up for yourself. If the school is useless on bullying, it might stay useless. I really pushed for some improvement and so have other parents but nothing happens. The only thing you can do is increase your child's strength and self-confidence. Easy to say, harder to do when she's so small and it's older boys who are ganging up on her. It also helps to find out who the lunchtime staff are, and get them to keep an eye out for your child. A lovely TA or dinnertime assistant can be far less loyal to the pretence a school has about how perfect it is, and often seem to care more about the welfare of the children.

What a terrible situtation to be in. Even if you get 'evidence' on bullying happening, the next step is difficult to imagine.
[huge hug]

I have a child at nursery and one at reception and they have both experienced violent behaviour against them. We keep getting reassurances that the children in questin are being dealt with but now and then an incident keeps happening and you wonder how far you ought to go before you give up and move them.....hugs xxxxxxxx

Any school that claims to have no bullying is kidding itself.Or just stupid