Our exurberant 5yr old is quiet at school...any ideas

[Tiffanyteapot]

At home dd2 rules the roost. She is loud, bossy, loving, full of fun, inquisitive, clever and happy. She is in year 1 at school, in a class of ten and the teachers all say she is extremely quiet. It's the polar opposite of how she is at home.

Her school report said she is a sweet, caring girl but quiet.

She says school is tricky and there isn't enough play, she refuses to learn maths, dramatically staring at the ceiling if asked to participate. She is intently interested in maps, the world, the big bang theory (?!) and enjoys reading.

She has one friend who is possessive and doesn't like her to play with others.

I'm wondering if the school is right for her. The teaching seems quite academic and perhaps her character is better suited to structured play learning. This is her second school year and she is getting quieter. Before that she was happy at nursery, loud, proud and dangerous to know. She has a ten year old sister who is happy at the school.

I keep going round and round in circles and would really welcome all thoughts. She seems happy in herself and doesn't make a fuss going in or coming out of school. Just quiet!

I don't think you should worry. She is probably just taking it all in and assessing her position in the class. You may well find she livens up at school a bit more as time goes on. FWIW DS2 is pretty quiet at school, very well behaved and co-operative while at home he runs riot and can be quite cheeky and very loud most of the time!
If she's in Y1 she will notice a big difference to reception which is based more on learning through play and so she's maybe just getting to grips with that.
Common to have children at that age who like to be possessive about who their friends play with but as your DD increases her confidence in school you might find she starts to hang around with more sociable friends.
HTH

Thanks for your help, perhaps I'll give it some time without whipping her out tomorrow!

TP

Have two chalk and cheese dcs at home and at school/at nursery. And from speaking to parents at consultation evenings it's very common, you wonder if you're speaking about the same child!

They key is, is she happy? Does she enjoy going to school? And what's the school's and your approach to the Maths?

Another voice for "is she happy". Many of us have different personas for different situations; it doesn't necessarily mean that something is wrong. And there are advantages to learning to be quiet too.

My own ds is the same: very noisy at home, very quiet at school. But tbh I don't see how any teacher could get through a lesson if he behaved as he does at home, so I always saw it as a positive thing that he didn't.

It is very common. I have lost track of the number of times I have told parents about their quiet, charming, caring, helpful DC and they have asked me if I have the right DC as they don't recognise them!! It is much better than the other way around, I would hate to be told that my quiet, helpful polite DC was the opposite at school-which can happen.
I was very quiet at school and my parents were asked if I spoke at home! I was noisy, bossy and opinionated at home!
I loved school. People just act in different ways in different places.

My DD is exactly the same.

She is bossy, loud, very confident and never stops talking.
at school she is quiet and shy.

She loves school and I know she is very happy there (her teacher and TA are friends of mine outside of school)
it is odd.

my only worry is that she doesn't seem to have made friends very well, although teacher tells me she does play with the other children at times and certainly isn't disliked.

I put it down to the fact that at home she is one of 2 children and the only girl in our extended family (nearest other girl is my 16 yo sister) whereas at school she is one of 30!

I am sure in time her own personality will grow and blossom.

as long as she is happy then i wouldn't worry

I'd be a bit concerned, mostly because you said she's getting quieter not more involved over the time she's been there. Not that I'm saying I'd make changes right away, but I'd be looking into it more to see if she is happy or not.

I would also be concerned that she is getting quieter over time. Also agree that happiness is key. I have a dd with Mutism. She doesn't not talk at all at school. She never has though. Having said that she is very happy and has many many friends and the school helps her with speech therapy. At home she is positivly loud. Being quiet doesn't always mean unhappiness. Does she go to school happily ?