Friend's DS refuses to go to school and won't leave her

[costagirl]

any tips? This poor woman is at her wits end - DS is in Year 7, so first year of Secondary school. Since he started in September, he has had massive problems with attendance and separation anxiety, running out of school, etc. The school have been very supportive and done everything they can to help - but the situation has deteriorated to the point where he just won't be separated from his Mum. Before Christmas she tried to go out for a meal with friends - her DS ran through the town (at night) to find her in the restaurant. Last week she left him at his friend's house to play on the playstation for half and hour while she went to Tescos - he ran up the road after her in bare feet. Occasionally he is happy for Dad to look after him and let Mum go shopping, but not always. He spends all day at home with her - she is being strict about no Wii/playstation/tv etc to make it as boring as possible, but still he won't go to school.
He basically won't let her out of his sight. There are 2 younger brothers, and a strong supportive extended family, thank God. But my poor friend doesn't know what to do. They have been referred for family counselling, but have only had an assessment so far. Anyone else experienced this? How did you cope?

what is the background to this? This poor boy sounds like something has really traumatised him, either in the past or recently at school. Has he been abused? or bullied?

Talking to GP might ellicit an appointment with Children and Adolscent Mental Health Services but there is often a long waiting list for appointments.

I'd ay private therapy might be worth looking into.

Poor boy. And your poor friend. This must be desperately hard for her.

Thanks, yes it is very hard for them all. It's beginning to impact on the whole family. The boy has mild aspergers, and had the occasional episode at his (lovely) primary school of running home, but this had stopped by Year 5 and 6. He has been totally unable to cope with secondary school. At the moment he is on a 'contract' to do 2 hours a day, he can choose which lessons to attend. Sometimes he manages to go, but more often not. My friend wonders whether a special needs secondary school would be better for him (there is one, albeit a long bus journey away), but he is not desperately poor academically and there's the worry he'd be bored. I just feel so sorry for her as she cannot leave the house without him.

Oh
I know how traumatic the secondary school transition can be for children (we have had our own traumas in that respect) but this sounds really grim for the family.
I have no experience of aspergers, but maybe some of the lovely people on the SN threads might have some similar experiences or advice.

I would encourage her to go and talk to the teachers at the Special Needs school. She might well find that they could accomodate her son's needs with no problem.

Yes Humphrey, I think you're right. He needs the smaller environment. Thanks for your comment.

I really would repost this on the SN Board - there are people there with a lot of experience re Asperger's etc.

I agree with Humphrey. I think she should at least go and look at the SN school. It will, I presume be much smaller and therefor he will probably be able to cope better.

Thois boy needs more thatn family counciling, he needs to see a child psychologist. Your firend should ask demand the GP to refer him.

For this boy to attend a large secondary school will only be damaging to him, so frustrating as it is, I do hope your friend can accept that for now he is better of at home with her.

It might be worth them contacting one of the special needs organisations like SOSSEN. You can google it but they have alot of experiance with behavioural issues and schooling. Its worth looking at the special school but many are for children with learning difficulties so if he is academically able it might be awful for him. Your local NAS may be able to help. They could also look at home ed with a planned gentle reintroduction to school (maybe a different very small school). And get GP to refer to Cahms