All you parents of boarders.

[fartmeistergeneral]

I am genuinely interested in why you think boarding is best for your children? I don't want this to become a slanging match, am really interested.

Is it because you boarded yourself and had a great experience that you want for your own children? Or do you genuinely believe that it's best for them to be in a school environment, rather than at home?

I have nothing to add, but as we are considering boarding for my dd a few years down the line, I really hope this does not become a slanging match.

Dd is a weekly boarder at a special school which is geographically too far to travel back and forward each day.
I fought very hard to get her into this school and she is happy there. We live in an isolated area where there are no children her age and she desperately wanted some friends.

I was never a boarding pupil.

Not a parent yet but I went to boarding school at sixth form to focus and for independence. Did good things for my relationship with my parents to not live under the same roof 24/7.

My DD was at boarding school from age 8, she was a weekly boarder, visited her on Wednesdays came home every weekend.
The reason for this is I worked long hours during the week, she said she didn't like going to school, then to other people's, then home. She asked to board so that she knew what she was doing day to day. It was great for us, I worked without guilt, and wednesdays finished early to see her, and then weekends and school holidays revolved around her.
With 18 weeks holiday a year, it is plenty of time for quality time.

Wow! I will answer honestly but may not come back on this thread because I have been flamed in the past and had it thrown at me when on other unrelated threads (like style and beauty) so would normally not respond:

I haven't met many people (honestly) who had a set plan: ours just evolved over time. I have 4 dcs, the eldest three are boarding/have boarded. The youngest is too young at7. They were all at day prep schools when dc2 began to be bullied for being academically gifted but socially awkward. This went on for a very long time and had some serious consequences. We looked at other day schools but dc2 refused to move to any of them. We were then told of a small boarding prep school and dc looked round it, and asked to go there. TBH, I thought we were mad moving a child who didn't know how to fit in/make friends to a boarding school . Dc went there aged 11 and it transformed the child. S/he thrived in the small atmosphere and learned some very valuable lessons about how to get on with others which have stayed with dc....now happy, dc chose a boarding school for his next move. At that point DC1, who had been at the same day school and was due to move to a senior day school, asked to board at the school DC2 was to go to. A year later dc3 was moved to the boarding prep school and also thrived academically socially and in sport, and also chose the same next senior school.

I would never say boarding is better than day, or vice versa, but boarding allows children who already have a strong supportive and loving home life to develop their sense of an independent self within (if you choose wisely) a structured, caring and safe environment. Of course they break rules: that's part of growing up, but instead of kicking against parental authority they have school authority to deal with . When my dcs come home they kick back and relax, and spend surprisingly little time pestering me to run them everywhere: they see a lot of their friends at school, and as they are at school in a city they get that out of their system too . Dc1 has just gone to Uni and the family has just eased into that transition as an extension of what has already been happening. Without hesitation I can say that my dc's would say they are happy 24/7, dc2's only complaint is that he needs the holidays to relax because school is so full on, and the only sadnesses are my private ones, when I take pride in their independence and lifeskills but know that they are growing their wings . I love them more than anything in the world, and I would do it the same way again. I hope that helps.

thanks all, and salvolatile.

I can see clearly how boarding for sixth form would be beneficial in terms of independence etc. What I would find impossible is not having my children here at home in the evening, watching Total Wipeout or whatever (highly cultured!!!) together.

Always interesting to hear different points of view, and everyone's circumstances are different I guess.

My 2 girls board. Actually I am feeling a little "hmph" an flat today as they only went back yesteray after a month home for Xmas.

I see them most weekends and am up at the school (currently about 2 hours drive away) at least once week usually 2 times per week - made possible as I am unemployed atm!

My husband is in the armed forces and we lead a very mobile lifestyle. For a while we bought our own house and I stayed put whilst DH lived on base and came home alternate weekends but after 2 years of this and hardly seeing each other (add deployments, excercises, guard duty and training into the mix and we hardly saw each other at all).

So we decided that was not working for us at all. So now we live in MQs and we move house as and when his job says we have to.

By the age of 8 my DD1 had attended 4 schools and 3 nurseries. DD2 at that age had attended 3 schools an 2 nurseries.

It was never the plan but the girls grew up on MQ estates playing and mixing with the children that went to their local day school as well as the boarding school children when they were home. To my girls Boarding was not something odd and alien like it is to most people as so many kids they played with boarded.

When DD1 was 7 we moved house yet again and she started wetting the bed, getting really angry and just becoming very negative about school in general. She was struggling with her maths as there were huge gaps she had missed out on everytime we had moved previously. She was bored to tears with the Stoneage/Prehistoric man project she had done at EVERY school she ever attended but ultimately I will never forget the way she sat there in tears and just told me bluntly she was not going to bother to make any more friends at her new school because it hurt too much everytime she said goodbye. In the next sentence she asked if she could try boarding like xxxx had because the it might be orth bothering with friends because she would not have to change school again.

That was the day we started very loosley to consider boarding as an option. We looked at umpteen schools and chatted to lots of BS parents.

She went at 8 and we have NEVER looked back. For my DD it was most definately the best move we ever made. In an instant she became positive and enthusiastic about work, friends etc. She joined every club, society, get together going at school. She is now 11 and loving it! Yesterday morning she drove me up the wall repeatedly asking me "when can we leave for school mum?"

M youngest is 8 a completely different child! Always loved the attention of being the new girl. She recently started boarding at her request. I was hoping to hang onto her at home at least another year or so but she saw what her older sister was upto at school and wanted a taste of it herself. So off she went and far so good!

I boarded twice s child myself both times for relatively short while whilst my mum was ill (it was BS or foster care and parents chose BS). I loved it! Yeah there was bitching and nastiness etc but no worse than I had at my day comp I moved onto. We hd an absolute ball at my BS - and I just hope both my girls feel the same about BS as I did.

One thing I would like to point out is that both my girls have had it drummed into them tht they DO NOT HAVE to board. If they dont like it they can leave and it really will not be an issue - and I mean that. What is one more school move after all the moves they have had??? And plus I secretly would love to have them back home because I do miss them terribly.

Some kids in Forces families move around for the whole of their childhoods and thrive on the change and the meeting of new people etc. If my eldest had been like that then I doubt we would have ever considerd boarding.

dd1 boards for a variety of reasons the main one being that the local school was (at the time we applied) really really really crap, like been through special measures, 5 heads in 5 years and still not improving bottom of the league tables of a very large county. Dd is very very able, very sociable she goes to one that is means tested fees so it is cheaper than sending her to inde locally.

Can't afford to move to a better area, can't afford independent felt completely stuck. Ultimately dd1 wanted to go having been to visit etc. She has been homesick during year 8 (not year 7). See her most weeks, is home every 2nd or 3rd weekend for a long weekend and has 20 weeks holiday per year with no work to do which is bliss.

She enjoys the break from 3 much younger siblings too.

Fortunately local school is finally improving which means that it won't be a consideration for the younger ones.

Ds1 boards. He is also at a special school which is too far away to travel to daily. The main benefits to him are social. He really does have friends and they are on tap 24/7. At his state primary he was in a lovely class and the other kids were kind to him but not friends. Now I phone in the evening and he is out playing football or whatever. Having friends has been a steep learing curve full of pitfalls but its one of the essential parts of growing up. I do miss him and I cou;d of put my feeings ahead of his. and I could of suppplemented educational bits so he didnt fall behind. But by being with likeminded boys he has learnt alot more I couldn't have taught him

It really depends on the child(ren) and the schools.

DC1 and 2 board now. The did a little ad hoc boarding at their prep school when aged 10 to 13 years and did weekly boarding for 5 months when I had to go abroad and didn't want to pull them out during the school year.
They then both came abroad with me and after 22 years DD had not settled well so Sept 2008 she returned to the UK to a boarding school and has settled in really well. She absolutely loves it there and will stay there for her GCSEs and probably A levels.

DS was abroad for 3 years and did his GCSEs here but the choice of A levels was appalling and the school not really geared up for 6th form so he returned to the UK in September and now boards at an excellent school.

DD is very sporty and loves the afterschool clubs. DS is not at all sporty but there are numerous other activities for him and he appears to be working very hard towards his AS/A levels.

Its not for all children though and I know some that started boarding and left after a term or two. It really depends on the children and schools.