Those with 3 or more children at private school how do you afford it?

[cranbury]

DH has for the first time said he would quite like a third child. We could probably stretch to afford it at prep school but secondary I can't see how we would do it unless I worked full time too and even then it would seriously impact our finances.

Grandparents not an option, they each have too many other grandchildren. We are both approaching 40 so don't want to remortgage in the future. We only have a small mortgage and hope to pay it off before eldest starts secondary school.

How do others manage.

Yes, I would pull 2 children out of private to have a third.

i would never give up our 'lifestyle' in order to pay school fees - children need holidays, good days out and meals in all sorts of establishments in order to expose them to a variety of experiences. i am mainly a sahm atm but i would hate being obliged to go out to work full time before i felt ready. a lot of private schools are crap anyway - my dd's London prep has some weak points and ds's state primary is probably on par with it in many ways. a lot of people in your situation would check the league tables and move as near as possible to the outstanding primary schools; ds' school is full of crazy parents who have begged and stolen a school place (by giving the addresses of relatives etc.). i am not talking about chavs but middle-aged, well-educated couples who are otherwise upright and honest citizens in every other way!

tis, good for you. Managed to bag a place at a good state school, rather than pay for a crap private. But that is not what this thread is about, is it?

we pay 4 lots of school fees out of earned income and have a mortgage - finding it tough going atm but these will be our most expensive years. we both work ft, but dh's income has reduced considerably in past couple of years which hasn't helped.

I would never consider paying if I wasn't doing it out of earned income - but I have known some people get scarily into debt putting themselves through hell just to afford school fees. I'd find it too depressing spending the rest of my life paying back!

It doesn't all stop at 18 either - they go on to University which costs an arm and a leg!!

Doesn't it depend on the ages of yr current children? Cos by the time the possible number 3 is born, won't yr eldest be at least 4 yrs old? If so, this is how we are going to make it work ... DS1 currently in Yr 2 and DS2 is Reception. DD starts Reception next Sept, however D?4 will be joining the family in March. Therefore DS1 will be in Yr 7 before D?4 starts Reception so we'll have only two years whilst they're all still at prep school together before we take on the horrendous London Senior Schools fees at 13+ (or he gets a whopping scholarship - unlikely as they're means tested). He'll have finished with school before D?4 even gets to Senior School killer fee-time so we'll never have all 4 at senior School simultaneously.
I was planning on returning to work (part or full time?)in Sept when DD starts Reception to ease the fee burden on DH but with D?4's unexpected arrival, won't immediately. I may, however, do that the following Sept.
We all love the school the children currently attend and wouldn't like to forgo the children's time there; however if we run out of cash/DH has enough of stressy city work, we'd pull the children out rather than get into debt.

When I said 'paying fees out of income is not a solution' I meant it isn't for us. DH is very cautious financially and he wouldn't be happy if we were reliant on our salaries to pay fees. What we have done is build up a pot of money which we pay fees from, we add to that pot each month.

I guess it's just what works for you but this system works for us.

I would disagree that most parents pay out of income. I think more than 20%+ at DS1 prep school are funded at least in part (or sometimes in full) by grandparents. Parents who pay themselves have savings like us - though it's hard to be certain as it's not the sort of conversation that tends to take place!

DDs go to a reasonable state primary, it was good when DD1 started in reception but now she is in Year 6 it has gone downhill.

It has changed the catchment area which has meant the school facing behavioural and social problems it has not dealt with before. Also last year we had a big change of teachers and not for the better really.
DD1 will go to an independent senior school next year and we had intended for DD2 (in Year 3) to see through to Year 6 at state school however I am now seriously considering moving her into the independent sector sooner maybe for year 5.

My point I suppose was that I was happy to educate the DDs in the state sector for primary and then independent for senior school but if I was choosing primary vs prep again now I would go for prep to be honest!

I too have considered having another dc and although not the main reason, being able to afford the school fees does have a part to play in the decision.

Slummymomma, I agree with some children being funded by grandparents and relatives.

But for funding out of savings, you must largely be talking about senior school, with savings talking place whilst the dcs study at a state primary.

For my dcs' private junior school, when do parents have time for a decent savings run up for junior school, their dcs coming straight from childcare?

I cannot disagree with the prudence of financing school fees out of savings. However, that is not practical in a lot of cases and would deprive some dcs of a good education in their formative years (if state primaries are not good).

We are lucky that we do have a pot of investments which we are topping up each year. But we would have them all at senior school at the same time thats £60k a year in todays money. It would help if DC3 was a boy though to postpone the senior school fees for a couple of years.

I suppose its the toss up of both full time long hours and not seeing the 3 children, or one of us working part time and being able to spend more time with 2 children - nicer holidays etc... (but I don't think thats that important if I did I would send them to state school).

I would rather emplqy a 'governess' than pay 60k pa to a school

I would have loved more children - but realistically, three is a lot to pay for (school fees or no school fees) and so I just have DD, in addition to DP's two DSs.

If your lifestyle is going to be seriously compromised in ways you would not like (eg having to work FT) by having three children, maybe it's time to realise that you have reached your limits?

Firstly you negotiate a 3 for 2 deal, then you ask the grandparents to help and then you both work full time.
TBH when the 3rd came along I paniced and pulled my two older children out and put them into state but then realised there were deals to be done and have taken the plunge again.
It helps having something the school wants, mine aren't rocket scientists so being female at a school which has just gone co ed and is trying to attract more girls I think swung it.
Am now trying to find somewhere that wants the next Stella MacCartney for senior school but finding those thin on the ground so we might be back to state, but at least they've had a great start.

How do others manage? Erm, they use the state system. For the vast majority, private education is simply out of reach. The state does a pretty good job imo, why not try it?

"Firstly you negotiate a 3 for 2 deal" really? where?

I only know one family with 3 in private school. Their Mum is french teacher at the school, so I imagine they get a discount.

It must be a stretch tho, even so.

We are ^desperate to move DS into private befor september (year 6). I'm tussling to get more work settled into before then.

I really do understand what a dilemma it all is - we had an unplanned third child and as DS was already in pre-prep I didn't want to make a change.

We are currently planning that they will all go to senior school but will just have to hope that our circumstances won't change drastically! Realisticly, I know that, given the right input at home, they would be great in state, I just think that once you've made the decision to go privately it would be hard (but not impossible) to change.

Fees vary greatly at senior level, whilst our school of choice is 24k per year, the lovely prep school that they attend feeds into a senior school which is closer to 15k. As other posters have said, you can take out a mortgage, start saving now, do without some things. Just bear in mind that you can't plan it too much, if you had a surprise arrival as we did, you really would just manage.

I know that for many people, this is a strange discussion but for all the people shouting 'just move to state', you have to respect that the poster asked a direct question, it is not a debate on state v/s private.

well said - littledawleybaubles!

I would personally stick with 2 and have a more comfortable/easier life and be able to afford to educate them privately if that is what is important to you.