private schools

[ohtobe4]

Hi - hope I'm doing this right!
I was just wondering if children who attend private schools on large bursaries tend to get bullied, or left out socially???
Has anyone any experiences of knowing / being a 'bursary child'??
Happy New Year.

My kids attend a private primary school which has just introduced a new scholarship and the kids (well, parents actually!) are falling over themselves to apply for it. And being very vocal about doing so. (I know this is a scholarship, not a bursary, but there are some similar elements).

When I was at private school, in the 1980s, nobody gave two hoots which kids had bursaries/scholarships and which didn't. One of my closest friends had a large bursary and it honestly wasn't an issue. Most kids simply won't care. And if they do, it's because they are parroting their parents' foul attitudes, tbh.

DS was (as were many at his secondary school). As the school was more interested in academic merit than in wealth - the parents were largely university lecturers/researchers/medics there was no bullying or acknowledgement of any difference between full fee payers and those on bursaries. The richest (and possibly least academic - no A grades at A Level) boy was always called "Rich Boy" though!

I asked my DH about this, as he is a teacher at a private (secondary) school.

He said that sometimes the bursary kids are embarrassed to bring their mates home as they are ashamed of their houses compared to some of their wealthier friends' houses. They are also sometimes called "chav" etc but DH says this is in a mickey-taking way and it's not vindictive, just typical teenage banter (it's always the boys who do this, not the girls, apparently). He emphasized that it is not malicious - and he also said that bursaries are becoming increasingly common. Eton (not my DH's school!) has to take 10% of its pupils on bursaries apparently.

DH doesn't have any evidence or knowledge that bursary kids suffer, academically or socially - most kids are going to get teased about something.

My DDs go to a private senior school, and are close friends with those on a bursary, and often go back to their houses, and I'm not aware of any particular comparing. If anything those with the huge houses are very much in the minority, as many parents make sacrifices to find the fees, but it may depend on the school of course.

Any decent independent school doesn't share such information with anyone but those who really need to know. Income levels will obviously show themselves outside the school gates - houses, cars, holidays etc ,but the only way you should know if someone has a bursary is if they choose to tell you.I teach in an independent school and I don't know who has a bursary, nor do other staff - I could make a guess but could be wrong.

We aim to have an inclusive school ( on many levels) where everyone has a common aim ie to work hard and make the most of all the opportunities available becoming ( hopefully)decent,helpful adults.Bursaries are great - but are no-one else's business.

at ds's school the most popular boy in his year is on a massive scholarship plus bursary which makes up almost all the fees (I only know cos his mum told me) - the other boys all look up to him and he certainly doesn't get left out socially or bullied at all

I think it helps that the school's intake is very diverse - there are a couple of Russian oligarch's kids who get driven to school in a limo, a fair splattering of kids whose parents are bankers, lawyers doctors, but also kids who live in tiny flats on pretty rough estates

The differences among the boys seem to be split along the lines of who's into sport, who's into music etc not how much your parents earn

My kids go to private school, paid for by my parents.

So they are in the "our house isnt as big as yours" category amongst all their mates and this has never been an issue.

There are children there on bursaries, and on scholarships and nobody ever really makes an issue of it.

Some bursaries are not just awarded because two parents can't afford it, it is that one parent may have died, parent had been there and they cant afford it now but child has something to offer.

and the school will never disclose who gets the bursaries, so if it is common knowledge it is invariably down to the families discussing it.

Thanks - so I don't necessarily have to worry about living in an ex-council house!
I know all schools are different, but it seems the general opinion is ok then. I may apply for one then. The opportunities that private schools can offer appear to be amazing.

DD was on busary, big house syndrome wasn't an issue at all. In fact cause we lived on housing estate, the kids loved coming to our house a) because they could play out the front and b) they weren't far away from us when in their bedroom, unlike their own houses, which were at the end of corridors and in separate wings, therefore it was less scary.

My DDs attend a private boarding school (with a few day children) and do so only because we are in receipt of the MOD CEA (old Boarding Schools allowance).

There is no way on our income we could pay for them to go to the same school as day pupils let alone boarders.

There are several MOD families and I joke that we can tell who they are by the cars we drive! But in reality - thats not altogether accurate.

My DDs have been to stay with friends in rather posh surroundings - one in a castle and another in a stately home and then lots of other peoples houses that have ranged from small flats to 5 bed executive homes/farms etc etc.

We currently live in a small 1970s 3 bed semi! Its a married quarter so probably not fitted with the same modern fittings as most peoples homes. My kitchen is the original 1970 one complete with missing unit doors. Some unit doors are a nice shade of vomit green and some are 1970's mustard orange. The doors are all teak effect in our house with that very 1970's look. Our front door is the same as local authority houses - UPVC with a pale blue or yellow panel in the bottom. Our bathroom is basic with no shower. I am not complaining - I am used to this now but know for a fact that my civvie friends are sometimes a little taken back when they enter the time warp estate and house in which we live! Anyway the point I am trying to make is my girls have had many friends come back to stay and no one has ever ripped the pee out of them or commented. I have had parents come in when collecting/dropping off etc and I have not been snubbed or frowned upon.

By the same token - we holidy in Cornwall or the IOW camping in August. We may once every 2 or 3 years have a spanish holiday buts its 3* self catering and not the lap of luxury. We cannot afford 3 weeks in Mustique etc.

So far my girls have not experienced any abuse or teasing.

I am myself with other people! I cannot help myself but woop at their lovely country kitchens complete with arga flagstone floors etc etc but I do not pretend to be anything that I am not. Never discuss money nor the fact we re in receipt of CEA but asssume most people know we must be in receipt because they know we are a Service family.

My sons' school has a policy of not disclosing the identities of those who receive bursaries. Those in receipt of scholarships get gowns to wear at Abbey though.

Apparently about a third of sons' school intake are in receipt of bursaries and ds1 is in the upper sixth and I have no idea who those boys are. And I'm sure he has no idea either and more importantly I'm sure it's of no interest.

And quite a few of the scholars (who wear gowns) are in receipt of bursaries too.

I went ot a private school in the 80s on the scholarship. i realsied (for the first time) that we were not as rich as the other families but it didn't bother me. I wasn't however in the in-crowd. The only time I was really cross was when i won a school prize. The honorary guest mentionedhow lucky scholarship girls were to be able to study there. I remember feeling really angry as it was my good results that helped the scdhool generate the results which made it appealing to paying parents!

Quick answer to OP: No.

DBs and I went to private schools which my parents could just afford with the help of grandparents, scholarships, some bursaries, etc. There were others there on 100% assisted places. No-one gave two hoots. No, we didn't go on ski trips and stuff like that but neither did loads of others. DS, in turn, has just started to notice that some people's houses are bigger than others but only in an interested way (and because the largest houses are generally also the coldest !).

You do need a school which values academic and other success over snob values, but then I would want that even if we were at the upper end of the income spectrum of parents (which we most definitely aren't).