Just been offered private school place - yikes! What to do?

[daytoday]

advice/experience needed -

My son is currently is state education. He's in year 3 - doing ok in well regarded local primary.

We have just been offered a place a local private primary school (took us by surprise as we put his name down years ago).

I would love to hear from anyone who has made the leap from state to private primary. Was it worth it? What were the benefits? Anything take you by surprise? My thinking is that four years in private before secondary will ensure he has a great educational grounding. If he can pass into a grammar, great - but if not there is quite a good local primary he can go to.

But it will be no fun financially for us! We could do it - just!

My son is happy and settled at school - in the middle of his class academically but sometimes does get overlooked - which is understandable - class of 30 kids etc etc.

We do have other younger siblings to factor in.

Any experience / advice appreciated.

my kneejerk response is don't do it - he's happy where he is

save your cash in case he doesn't get into the grammar and you decide you'd prefer to go private at 11+

If you are happy with what you have then stick with it unless the private Prep is substantially better. In particular if it is going to be a financial struggle.

If private school is very academic and he's middling then he's better off not going there. If private school isn't very academic, then I can't see whey it's worth paying for his education. And if he's happy, why move him?

I would leave him where he is. If he is happy and it would be a struggle financially to move him then I can't see the benefits.

Thanks for the responses.

We're not completely happy where he is - he's an easy going child, is happy anywhere and everywhere - makes friends easily and the school love him.

However, are concerns are more academic. In year 1 they had a terrible teacher and he learnt nothing. Was put in the bottom groupings. Really low targets - I was so shocked. My son switched off from school - was so unchallenged. We insisted that his ability was higher - the teacher argued he was rock bottom. Eventually found out his teacher was having a nervous breakdown (poor thing) but meant that year was a write off for lots of children in that class, not just our son. That teacher left - new teacher arrived and moved him out up almost immediately. Our son is now on track. So much hard work by us at home.

I hate all the levels and expected targets in state school - I understand why they are needed but I had such a battle to get the school to raise his targets and expectations.

Maybe it is the same at private school -

He is very bright - has an amazing vocabulary and is enthusiastic and full of ideas. The private school have met him and although he didn't do great at the tests (confidence/nerves) - he did do very well in interview. I think he would do incredibly well at private primary - rather than middling at state.

I did very well at State, better than my other half who went to some of the best private schools in the country. Went on to Uni etc etc. But that said, my other half understands latin - speaks 2 foreign languages. Its not just about academic success - but about what he would be taught.

I am curious about whether the curriculum at private school is more exciting.

I agree with others that you shouldn't do it if it will be a financial struggle. The fees will go up quite a bit each year and you don't want to have to take him out a couple of years down the line.

daytoday
I really sympathise. It's a terrible dilemma. There is an argument that says 'education for education's sake' and if you think it is far superior at a private school, then it is hard to get that out of your head.
you experience of state primary sounds woeful.
against that, if it's a financial struggle, then i would consider the huge impact on your whole family. Living with money worries is truly dreadful and no amount of Latin will compensate for the stress.
Going private at secondary would make more sense.

so really it is just because he is suffering the aftershock of his rotten time in y1, not that there's anything actually wrong with his primary per se?

Whatever you think re the merits of the broader curriculum / more Latin etc of the private system, he won't get the most out of it just going for y4-7 if he then goes to the same grammar his state primary would have got him into anyway.
3 yrs at a local prep do not a 'privately educated' person make

Sounds like it might make more sense to see how he's shaping at the end of y5 and then either pay for a tutor to get him up to speed for the 11+ or look at private options for secondary.

And if you think he is bored with the 'narrow curriculum' in his current school, you can improve that with extra-curricular, not necc academic stuff - cubs, drama club etc

DD is at state primary, we'll move her to private prep after infants. She sounds similar to your ds - middle of the road, easy going etc. But I do feel that she gets overlooked because she's at neither end of the spectrum. I also hope that a boost at prep school would help with the 11+. But its such a gut feeling, and we have always said that we would rather use the money to enhance the state education rather than spend it at prep level, so its not a straightforward decision.

Does my sitting on the fence help you at all?

I'd love to take the conversation away from it's financial focus and would love to whether you all feel the move to private has benefitted your kid - or not?

Maybe didn't make it clear - but we can afford the fees for one child easily, two children at squeeze. But it feels so strange to give over this money, which currently we have for ourselves and spend doing nice things.

that's the trouble - you can't ignore the financial aspect (unless you are rolling, obv)
esp as it means that giving ds1 this chance will mean (effectively) taking that chance away from one of the younger siblings who might turn out to need it more...

Only do it if you can afford to do it for all your children. Be prepared to pay from now to 18. Remember that senior schools fees tend to be higher. If he gets into the grammar, then great, but do not assume he will.

I would almost always suggest moving achild to a different school if, after a sensible amount of "trying it out time" s/he wasn't happy. A lot harder decsion to make if they are happy.

I moved my own dd in year 4 basically becuse she wasn't happy. She was at a so-called good/otstanding primary school, and I was reasonably happy with it acdemically, although I felt she wasn't being stretched. Moved to a private school simply because she coudn't get a place at any of the other local state schools.

I have been really surprised at how much better the private school is, academically. I really didn't expect the difference to be so great. DD has to work hard - she needs her holidays now - but she has progressed so much in just over a year. The teachers expectations of the children are so much higher than they were in the state school. If work isn't done peoperly, or as well as the teacher thinks the child should be able to do it, it is done again. Spelling mistakes aren't ignored. (Most) work is done in rough before it goes into "best" books. The curriculum is more extensive and more advanced than it was in the state school. Yet despite this, there is still more classroom time for subjects like games, drama, music, art and swimming.

I'd go for it, if I were you, as long as you can afford it. (Although it might be worth checking their success rate at getting children into the local grammar before you sign on the dotted line.) Aut if your son has been on the waiting list for years, I would definitely have another look around and a talk with the head before comittimg yourself to anything. Oh, and ask to see examples of the pupils' work - that should give you a good idea as to the actual standards in the school.

daytoday, I moved my children from an average state primary to a quite-academic prep and I do think the education they are receiving is better than the one they had before. But that is me comparing those two particular schools - which are vastly different - whereas your options may be more alike.

I'm in London and only the very brightest children (ie at the top of the class in a state school) have any hope of getting into grammar, but maybe you're in an area where there are more of them. I'd be worried that if he's middling in a state school with a supportive family environment then rather than bringing him up, a private school might mean he's right at the bottom of the class which will damage his confidence. I'm sure he's bright and articulate, but those aren't necessarily things that translate into academic achievement at this stage.

Moodium - I think we have been sitting on the fence like you.

We had decided to leave him where he is and maybe get tutors further down the line - for grammar school entrance. But of course, he will then be competing with all those kids that have been to private schools.

This phone call has come out of the blue - if he goes to private primary he will be going from a class of 30 to a class of 15. It is so appealing.

Maybe we should save our money for private secondary. I do worry about the competition to get in though.

Pollyparanoia - I have given great consideration to him being 'at the bottom' in a private school and the impact it would make on his well being. I am going back to see the school next Friday. I will ask them these questions then.

My younger brother went to prep at 7 (failing local primary) and then back into the state school system at 11. He went into all the top sets and had a really easy time academically for the first three years as he had such a great grounding. Socially things were a bit harder for him.

My mum thinks we should take this offer - as she has seen such benefits for my younger brother.

Oh - am so confused.

private school pupils are tutored to get into grammars too.
where we live, the grammars take the top 3 per cent intelligence-wise - that's one helluva ask of a child.

It has struck me on the forum how many of you all live in a grammer school area. So is Mumsnet colonised by London, Kent, Buckinghamshire, Berkshire, Trafford, North Yorks, Lincolnshire and Warwickshire mums then .

I do think that 10 (age when they sit the test, mostly) is just too young to be deciding on what sort of academic trajectory to place your child on. And, aslo, why does it take 7 months for you to find out the results of the 11+, at least it does round here.

It strikes me as all wrong, and would put a huge strain on our family - which is why we are moving and going private.

I think you should only seriously consider it if you can afford to put ALL your DC through private school all the way through, not just primary.
DC 1 and 2 went to private schools and several of their friends had to be pulled out halfway through due to their parent's finances and it affected a few of them quite badly.
In my opinion, if you do it for one, you have to do it for all.

willbreakmybones our UK base is on the Surrey/West Sussex and no grammar schools there for us, well only fee paying ones.

'(Most) work is done in rough before it goes into "best" books.'

What's the point of that? (Just interested.)

Jajas I agree that it's not only clever children educated privately - you're right I'm getting sucked into the selective arena. Often I think it's arrogance that makes parents like me and dh, who can afford private, opt so enthusiastically for state as we assume our dcs don't need smaller classes. What I don't agree with is the assumption that if you go private for primary you'll automatically guarantee yourself a grammar school place. I think you're much better doing what you're thinking of and saving your money for secondary where there are wider discrepancies, esp in grammar school areas.
And trickerg, I'd run a mile from a school that made children do their work in rough before putting it into "best" books.