IF you send your 'normal' DC to an academic private school, do you feel sure they are working to the limit of their ability?

[ampere]

The same could be said of a state grammar, really, with perhaps the proviso that there's possibly going to be less 'intensive intervention' for the DC who ISN'T coping as that costs money (for the school)- the privately ed'ed DC's parents might be asked or told to get extra private tuition under those circumstances? I don't know!

No, I am SO not starting a state v. private debate here , but I am wondering whether this (the OP) is what privately paying parents feel they're getting?

I know someone well who has well, I suppose 'blamed' her relative 'lack of success' (I don't see it that way as she does the same job as me!!) on her schooling; she now, courtesy of a DH in banking, has her 2 x DSs in academically selective private schools and part of her rationale IS that idea that at least she'll KNOW they're being MADE to do their best.

I also speak as someone who MAY put a DS into a small class private for 2 final primary years to attempt to get him up to speed so I'm not criticising!

I will apologise in advance for the ramble...

I have just removed my average/above average (iq of 141) but rather sensitive DD from a very academic prep school as the (rather unpleasant imho) pushy environment was undermining her self esteem.

So, no, she wasn't performing at her best due to being constantly frightened of getting a demerit/being bullied by the elite athletes (she isn't sporty)/being shouted at by teachers/etc

She is now at a less pushy prep where she is blossoming (and they are concerned about many of her 'foundation' skills in some areas, essentially she hasn't been properly taught some fairly basic skills but has got by by being brighter than average)

well if she's got an IQ of 141 she's not average is she? that puts her above the 99th percentile

although I'm not really sure why you know her IQ anyway if you only thought she was average/above average anyway

but I'm glad she's happier now - no school can be a perfect fit for all children ...

I do feel that my dds are (being made) to work at their capacity. I do sometimes wonder what difference it will make that they will never be top of anything at their school while they would probably be top or near top at quite a lot of things at the local state school. I think that will probably have a long term impact. I was a big fish in a small pond at state school and got a bit of a shock when things got more competitive later. Maybe it will be the oppostite for them? I think they've already got into the habit of working much harder and longer than I did. Interesitng...

I have experience of 2 private schools and the answer is a resounding 'no'. But that is not what I thought I was paying for.

Well, because I was so concerned at the obvious discrepancy between her ability and her work (and many other problems that she was having) and she was tested by an OT and an Ed Psych - she falls into the G&T set but has dyspraxia.

That is how I know what her IQ is and
yourself. Up until that point the teachers had always presumed that she was an average student that had a tendancy to do as little as she could get away with.

Sort of. Talking about highly selective state grammar school here. One the one hand they are forced entered for only proper academic subjects to take at GCSE/A level so there's no chance of ending up with 10 A*s in childcare, tourism etc.

But also had the effect on one of mine who just didn't try very hard because was never going to be top of the class in that environment. I sometimes wonder if he would have been better off top of a non selective school. I don't that it was down to his innate intelligence though, think it was more his attitude and he may have been even worse at a less academic school (ie working down to the lowest common denominator). And, he was exceptionally happy at the GS so its not all about academic results.

I think its very difficult to define 'average' in a highly selective school. I should think they are more or less of the same intelligence, just some are much more keen and hardworking than others!

Is different in the private sector, I would imagine, as one is actually paying money to get the best academic results (and other things of course) out of one's children so presumably have a bit more clout with the staff.

Other DCs (X 2) are/were fine.

Difficult one this and very individual.
I have one child who thrives on high academic standards.
Actually, thrives is the wrong word, he just automatically ups his game with a little underhwlmed shrug. Doesn't feel the pressure, or in any way worry. At 13 I will move him to a highly selective school.
His twin is the opposite. Always worrying what everyone else is doing and whether she's good enough. I will move her to somewhere more rounded, more gentle iyswim.

To achieve to their ability the motivation has to come from the child. A school (any sort of school) can only foster an environment where that is encouraged, not force it imo.

All schools will fail some children I'm sure.

Sometimes saying or doing the right thing at the right time is enough to take a child on to another level. Sadly this opportunity can be too often missed. However, it is not such a huge problem but it is something over which I feel home ed'ers have an advantage.