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Education

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Original poster

Is Nursery necessary? Will DD miss out?

70 replies

ilovetochat · 12/08/2009 15:56

My dd is 2.1 so is due to start school nursery half days Sept 2010, so i need to apply end of this year.
As she is a July birthday she doesnt have to start school till year 1 when she will be 5.2.

Im a SAHM so have no personal need for her to go to playschool/nursery/reception.
If reception isnt statutory then surely reception is a settling in year.

Therefore why am i being offered playschool place to prepare for nursery, then nursery place to prepare for reception which prepares for year 1? Are all these years of preparation necessary and what do they learn in nursery for example?

I am considering not sending dd to nursery, keeping her with me and doing lots of activities with other children so she is socialising and then sending her to reception when she is 4.1 but seeing that year as her preparation for school and letting her take it at her own rate.

Am i totally wrong? Does she need nursery?

Btw, if dd wants to go to nursery i am happy to send her and im sure she will change lots in the next year and may want to go off with friends etc. This isnt about me keeping her with me, its about not rushing her into school.

OP posts:

Original poster

ilovetochat · 13/08/2009 21:41

i will send her to reception, its just that as she doesnt have to do reception i think that may be her settling in year ready for year 1.
i hadnt thought about her learning to take instruction from other people, thats a good point.
she is quiet when she first meets people, adults, but once she knows them she runs straight to them and chats away. with kids at the park etc she just runs straight up and says "im dd, do you want to play" so she isnt shy with kids at all.
if i feel she will benefit, even if thats socially or more play opportunities, i will send her, but if i feel she is unhappy i will take her out.

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Runoutofideas · 15/08/2009 09:04

Could you not sign her up for the 5 mornings but actually only send her on the days you feel like - assuming you don't have to pay for the sessions. The nursery may not like this though. Or maybe find somewhere where she can go for say 2 mornings instead. Another thing I thought of is that if she is your only child she will get very accustomed to being your sole focus. At my dd's preschool it was roughly 5 children per adult and in reception it's 30 children between 1 teacher and 1 teaching assistant. I think my dd will find it hard to get used to her questions not being answered immediately, or having to wait to speak to a teacher even going from preschool. I would imagine this will be harder for a child going from 1-1 to 1-15. Pre-school/nursery is definitely focussed on play and I found they offered a wider range than I would have been able to do on my own.....

Original poster

ilovetochat · 15/08/2009 13:45

that is something dd needs to learn, at the moment she gets a lot of attention and loves small group activities so she can chat to people but has never really been in a large group. all good food for thought

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hocuspontas · 15/08/2009 14:07

I kept dd3 at home as long as possible then realised there was hardly anybody to socialise with as they were all at nurseries and pre-schools!

Reception is very tiring especially if they haven't been in an institutionised setting before. Maybe 2/3 mornings a week at pre-school for a couple of terms beforehand?

Don't worry about missing out though. I'd put her name down on waiting lists etc, then turn them down if you don't want them. Childrens' needs change all the time (and yours!)

Original poster

ilovetochat · 15/08/2009 14:13

hocus, that arrangement would suit me, a few mornings a week maybe starting January so she is 3.5 but i thought if they have a place they have to start sept and go every day.

OP posts:

hocuspontas · 15/08/2009 14:22

School nurseries expect that but not pre-schools (or whatever they call themselves). I think you can pick and choose your sessions - providing they have the spaces of course.

Original poster

ilovetochat · 15/08/2009 14:25

oh right, im going to look at a few after the new term has started.
i looked at 1 6 months ago and it was a nice nursery and school and i think they put her on a list but this year lots of 3 year olds havent got a place at all.

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AppleHEAD · 16/08/2009 18:35

I have taught Nursery, Reception and year one for over 12 years and I think you are doing the right thing. You know your own child. This fashion to stick very young children into school is all about money and stupid headteachers who know nothing about young children. I am a mum of 3, my eldest starts school in Sept she is 5 in Nov and VERY ready for school. My middle dd is almost 2 and a half and could start nursery in Jan just like her sister did. But although I need the peace I am fairly sure that unless a miracle occurs she won't be ready so i will keep her at home.
Go with your instinct. Reception and Nursery are wonderful - but only if the child is ready. Or in the case of most of the kids I taught it's the safest place for them.

Original poster

ilovetochat · 16/08/2009 22:49

thanks applehead, thats interesting!

OP posts:

RortyDogOfTheRemove · 16/08/2009 23:00

Ilove - I'd second Applehead's post. Though I'd add that it's also about parental convenience - once children are in school, it is free childcare for working parents. I personally think the government should be doing more to enable parents and children to be at home together, and less to force mothers into work and small children into institutionalised settings.

Rant over!

Given that you don't need your DD to go to nursery, I would be tempted to keep her at home unless it becomes clear that she has nobody to socialise with and really needs a change of scenery. My two both ended up doing two mornings at a little nursery school (the old-fashioned type, not battery farm childcare) before starting school, and I think it did give them both a bit of additional interest - but it was very much secondary to the home experience. DS did one term in Reception; I planned the same for DD, but she insisted on going to school full-time after Christmas. I took her lead on that one, and she immediately settled in wonderfully well.

Good luck, whatever you decide!

Original poster

ilovetochat · 17/08/2009 13:52

thanks rorty, its good to hear that not everyone puts their dc into nursery.
id like to consider it as an option rather than be expected to put her in just cos everyone else does.
yesterday dd played with a little girl her own age for 3 hours and they played fine together, today she has been swimming with me and ive put her name down for lessons after xmas. wednesday im meeting a friend and taking dd to the park and friday she is at gymnastics with 35 dc upto the age of 4 so i think she socialises a lot.
im stil undecided.

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RortyDogOfTheRemove · 17/08/2009 17:19

ilovetochat - fwiw, I'd say that your dd's current experience is far better than anything she'd get at nursery. It may change as she gets older, when she might like a bit of independence. But it sounds to me as if you're giving her the best thing any child can have - a lovely, happy, caring childhood where she's the centre of your world (which is exactly where a child of that age should be - and I don't mean that they should be spoilt brats; I mean that they should have the time and space to bond one-to-one with someone who loves them more than anything else).

(Sorry - I do feel quite strongly about this!!)

Original poster

ilovetochat · 17/08/2009 19:04

thanks rorty, she is the centre of my world, i just want to do whats best for her!

OP posts:

OmicronPersei8 · 21/08/2009 09:39

ilove, the only difference (sometimes)in Reception between those who'd been to nursery and those who hadn't was in the first few weeks when children settled in, but even then you often couldn't tell.

As someone who only got a preschool place 6 months after the arrival of DC2, I'd say if you do end up getting pregnant it would be better to get something in place (ie a couple of mornings a week) then so you can have a bit of a rest before and after the baby arrives.

Original poster

ilovetochat · 21/08/2009 14:24

yes i think if i was pregnant i would send dd to have a break and make sure she was having fun too.
i was speaking to the headmistress of a local senior school and she surprised me by saying as im a sahm she thinks dd would do just fine at home with me till reception, she also said that a 3.2 year old would take a lot longer to settle into nursery than a 4.2 year old would take to settle to reception which i suppose is true.

OP posts:

Habbibu · 21/08/2009 14:43

As a child I hated nursery, so my mum just took me out. I went to school on my 5th birthday, and was just fine - no settling problems. My dd has had to go to a private nursery 2 days pw as I worked pt, but she's now starting playgroup across the road, where you can do as many or as few sessions as you please, and that is ideal for us. I certainly don't think children need nursery, and am glad that dd isn't going into a school-based environment yet - if what you want to do suits you and your dd, then that sounds perfect.

Original poster

ilovetochat · 21/08/2009 15:43

thanks
its good to hear peoples opinions as in RL most people think im mad for considering keeping dd home and i dont know anyone who hasnt sent their dc to nursery.

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Habbibu · 21/08/2009 15:45

A good friend of mine is just now starting to send her dd (same age as mine) to playgroup for a couple of sessions a week - she is a very happy, socialised child, and has clearly thrived in the environment her mum has created for her.

Original poster

ilovetochat · 21/08/2009 19:36

is she 3 habbibu?

OP posts:

sfxmum · 21/08/2009 19:50

my dd is a June birthday and started 2 mornings at nursery/pre school in the September following her 3rd birthday then from January we increased it to 3 consecutive days
she has enjoyed it and looks forward to it with the odd blip, she adjusted really well

personally I think it worked well for us she got to meet children she is about to move into Reception class with next month
it also gave me a break to do other things for myself she is an only child and I am currently SAHM

but I think you should do what it feels right for you

Habbibu · 21/08/2009 22:13

Almost - 3 in Oct.

BonsoirAnna · 21/08/2009 22:16

Some sort of group educational setting from about 3 is good for children's development. In England, pre-school and reception are designed to prepare children for school.

Original poster

ilovetochat · 22/08/2009 12:44

sfxmum, is it a preschool attached to the school? that is the sort of flexibility that appeals to me.

OP posts:

sfxmum · 22/08/2009 17:18

ilovetochat - no it is a private nursery with a pre school room within the grounds of the primary school (state), they are next door to Reception class and share a playground they also facilitate the transition for those who get a place at the school, with visits.
also when Reception starts the first term is half time so some of the children go back to pre school for lunch and the afternoon

and btw attending the nursery is no guarantee of getting into the school, massively oversubscribed tiny catchment

alypaly · 28/08/2009 10:21

my eldest went to nursery attached to our local private infant school at 3 years old and was able to read and write at 3 years old. It taught him how to share properly with a multitude of children, manners, concentration,everything that i was doing at home, but because I wasnt there he was even better behaved I was so proud when he was able to write his name and read at three. Then the transition into infant school life was easy and caused no stress

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