Will I seem like a pushy parent if I send this to DS1's new school??

[sylar]

DS1 's nursery have handed me his transfer report to send through to his new school for September since they "don't have the address" (or it seems the ability to look it up in the phone book/on the internet ).

Its is fine but contains all the usual "DS1 can recognise numbers 1 to 20 and understands past present and future" etc. Its clearly all worked through from a checklist rather than particularly useful information about DS1.

Will I seem like a nightmare pushy parent if I send it with a brief covering letter saying "here is the report from nursery. It might also be usfeul to know that DS1 will struggle to put on his own socks, may occasionally fall asleep late afternoon, can't yet swim (but thinks he can) and can read at book band x etc"

The query is mainly about the reading information. On the one hand I don't want the teacher to think I'm a pushy mum and I know there is some stigma about teaching children to read before they start school, but at the same time it seems silly to send him in without her knowing that he can read and have to work it out for herself. Its a selective school and so I would imagine a few of the children will have started reading.

What do you think?

Toptip, just because someone has the money to send their child to a private school doesn't mean they will have spent time teaching them to read.

OK Ok!

They go swimming every week and so it is quite relevant that he is convinced he can swim but actually can't.

I bought the songbird phonics reading scheme books to help him with his reading of course. There are lots of lovely childrens books but its pretty boring just reading words made out of magnets on the fridge and most childrens books are not pure phonics so are too tricky to start with. The songbirds ones made it a bit more interesting for him and we've borrowed the kipper and biff etc ones from the library so that he has more variety. This is not to say we don't read other books to him. DH is currently reading Roald Dahl to him in the evenings.

The school is the infant unit of a selective independent junior and senior school. Lots of independent infant schools are selective. He had to go in twice for assessment mornings when he was three. I had to wait outside and so I don't know exactly what they tested him on but I've managede to establish that he had to identify some letters, did some sort of pattern spotting maths related test, some drawing, a jigsaw and something with a toy crane which seems to be about balancing and weights. Then he had to have a chat about thing he likes and when I heard him coming down the stairs he was deep in conversation about how much he likes sausages. The school said they were not assessing what the children knew but their ability to learn.

He's fine with toilet and all clothes/shoes bar socks but I think his inability to put them on is partly unwillingness to try!

Think I will send the transfer report in and just tell the teacher the other stuff.

I love the idea that children starting reception in an private school will be more likely to be able to read. Is the idea that early reading = intelligence and intelligence is genetic (and we also live in a meritoracy so intelligent parents can afford the fees) or that parents who fork out school fees provide such a rich educational environment at home their children just naturally learn quicker?

sylar out of professional interest (reception teacher) which level songbirds books is he reading?

Oh no, please don't use reading schemes before they go to school. There are so many lovely books out there to read. Reading scheme ones are so boring and they only have to continue reading them at school. Lots of variety of reading materials is so important.

DD (age 4.4yrs) learnt to read through making me read with my finger pointing to the words, plus she'd make us write words for her. She was picking out words at 16months old...scared the life out of us and we spent many an hour researching hyperlexia, autism etc etc. She has had her reading/spelling age and comprehension assessed by her Nursery so we know where she is.

He enjoys them. He gets satisfaction out of the fact that he can make it through a book and whilst the kipper and biff ones are pretty dire the songbird ones are julia donaldson and are ok. Its given him the confidence to tackle other books too. He was reading one of DS2's books this morning about pirate treasure and sea creatures.

Mrz - He's onto the red and the yellow ones. They are levels 4 and 5 in the songbirds scheme but some of them have a little tab on the back which says they are the blue book band - its a bit confusing I have to say! They also seem much easier than some of the normal ORT kipper and biff ones presumably because they use decodable phonics.

rolledhedgehog I didn't say that the children would be more likely to be able to read because its a private school I said I thought it would be likely that some of them will be able to read because its selective.

This wasn't meant to be an argumentative thread.

your son is doing very well sylar the school should be very pleased with his skills.

Thanks Mrz .

He's realised that he can read things in shops and declared at the weekend "I can't belieeeeeeeve it" (in true victor meldrew style) "I can actually truly read in real life!"

I think some of the red books (blue level) are quite tricky - The Wrong Kind of Knight and Queen Anneena's Feast - be prepared for the school to put him back a level or so if they don't use phonics reading books. My personal feeling is by the time they are reading these they can manage lots of picture books and most reading schemes too. I have to say my class have loved these books written by Julia Donaldson (The Gruffalo etc) and not at all reading schemeeeeeeeee!

sylar - some of the boys in my ds' class could read when they started but they still all had to go through it all again...( and its a prep school with assessment)

As others have said - make sure he can do the practical things and eat lots of different food at lunchtimes - and quickly too - we have compulsory school meals and lots of ds' class were picky eaters and were very hungry for the first few weeks (apparently some sat there waiting to be fed).

I wouldnt label yourself as the pushy mum at this stage tbh - they will suss things out quickly enough for themselves.

lol at last line
Did you really mean that the school will find out soon enough that OP is a pushy mum?

lol shit no I didnt mean that

Mrz, agree.

My DS totally lost confidence when he was given "The Wrong Kind of Knight" in reception. It really threw him and set him back a long way.

I wouldn't worry about what the report says; experienced reception teachers in all schools (state and private) are very good at working out what all children are capable of. Plus, in state schools the first few weeks are spent doing quite formal assessments.

However, they will need the children to be able to go to the toilet by themselves.

For all those panicking about not having taught their children to read before going to school, fear not; the later you start, the less time it takes!

My dd could do nothing before starting school (I wasn't keen for her to do formal stuff young, just wanted her to enjoy her play, toys and drawing) but after a year in reception can read almost fluently.

I didn't start school til 5 but - due to family moves - my sisters started younger. However, it didn't make the blind bit difference in what we all able to do by the age of 7. Which was pretty much the same.

Agree - fancy being classed a 'failure' at 3 if you don't get in.

some children are so eager to learn to read and write at an early stage, while others are eager to learn to ride a two wheeler. I dont think you could force a child to learn to read at aged 3/4 no matter how much you read to them.

I think at that age it should be child led. If they take an interest into learning literacy skills, then go with them. Its unfair to be labled a pushy parent because your child can read or write. My dd always had a pencil in her hand from about 20 months and was always asking us to write words down for her, so its no suprise that she could recognise her name and about 8 words before she was 2. She is 13 now, and in top set in her very large state school. By her own admission shes not the brightest child in her class, although she is very happy.

My 2 ds' had no interest before school in literacy skills, however they loved to be read to, and one could name every single engine in Thomas the Tank. They have both found it hard in school learning to read and write for different reasons. However due to a wonderful foundation stage, (nursery and reception) where children learn mainly through play, they have a wonderful undrestanding of the subjects they learn and can contribute in class discussions on equal intelegence to children with better literacy skills.

Ive had no experience with independant schools, only excellent state schools, so I cant comment on the politics of there policies re; addmissions. But I do agree that lablling a child of that age a failure is wrong. How can you assess how good the teaching is, if they only admit "teachable children!"

I reckon the socks and getting changed and all that sort of stuff is more important than reading at this age. Opening and closing your own lunch box is a really important skill too.

But then the thought of a selective primary school fills me with impotent rage.

What happens if the potential doesn't materialise? Do they suggest your child leaves and finds a more suitable establishment? After all, they wouldn't want someone diluting their 'successfulness'.

Agree about teacher's ability possibly being masked. I also think it could be boring - basically coasting through a scheme of work without the 'characters' to keep you on your toes!

Yes they do - in fact lots of schools have done away with the 'assessments' at 3 and then suggest your dc leaves at 7 if they are not getting on as well as they'd like - they all then end up at a non selective school like my sons - chosen so that we didnt go through that particular horror.

To be honest, I probably wouldn't say anything. Both my DDs were fluent readers before school. I was a bit of a 'pushy parent' re DD1, not realising how it all worked (not meaning to be pushy - just felt it was up to me to 'help the teacher understand DD1' - blushing now!) and I did go in and ask for a reading book more suited to her reading level in the first week. I don't think the teacher particularly liked me for it and probably would have worked it out for herself given another few days and then been delighted to tell me that DD1 was a good reader!

DD2 I didn't say a word about as I was much more laissez-faire by then and the teacher worked her out very quickly.

If you have a child that's ahead in certain areas at certain times of school life, then they may indeed 'mark time' for a bit. But I don't think that always matters very much in the long run. DD2 is at Oxford now being extended to any limit she can reach and I am sure it didn't matter in the slightest that she was never very 'stretched' academically in school for some or most of the time.

Your DS's teacher will work it out quite quickly I'm sure, no significant time will have been 'wasted' and she will have a good impression of you as a parent who is happy to trust her professional skills. (If it got a few weeks into term with no suitable book appearing, that would be a different matter of course.)

If they are unable to work out that he can't swim or what level he can read at, ask yourself whether the school is worth it.

MRZ- to answer your question, he knows all the single letter sounds and names and has done since 3. He might not know absolutely all the more complicated combined letter ones e.g ing though.

He can read things like "the cat went to the big red van" (rubbish example but first thing that came to mind) by a mix of word recognition and decoding (not memorising phrases).

"For all those panicking about not having taught their children to read before going to school, fear not; the later you start, the less time it takes!" Absolutely agree - have found this with a number of things with ds.

Also totally agree with others about not being able to push a preschooler into reading. My ds was/is asking and very keen.
He is not so keen on writing and I let him be as getting him to do it would involve pushing and that would be counter-productive. He will do it in his own time.

thegrammarpolice I asked because you were worried about him having to go through the sounds again but if he only knows single letter sounds it shouldn't be too much repetition for him as there are a lot of digraphs and trigraphs to learn in reception year (the single letter phonemes are about a sixth of the graphemes he will need to learn). ing endings aren't usually taught until later so I wouldn't worry about him not knowing them yet.