We are thinking of sending the DCs to private school but.....

[Greatfun]

there are a few things that concern me. Firstly, is it worth it for primary school age or are better leaving it until secondary (our local primaries are good but the secondaries are rubbish)? Secondly, we could afford to do this but it would be at the expense of things (luxuries rather than essentials) I worry the DCs will be viewed as the poor kids because we can't keep up with the other parents - Is this really an issue or are there many parents like us in the private system?
We live in SW London which has mish mash of people around. Its one of the things I like but I worry that private school will only consist of a middle class kids and the DCs will therefore find it difficult to relate to other people. Is this the case or just a figment of my imagination?

Thanks

I have seen the state primaries and will of course look at the private schools . I think it perfectly valid to ask questions about the sector in general. If you noticed I had already said the primaries were good. What I was really asking was in that case was there any point in paying for school at this stage. The questions about whether my kids may be viewed as the poor kids or how they would interact with people would unlikely to be answered by seeing the schools.The tour of the school is mostly there to sell the school after all. I asked here because I knew there would be a wide range of parents some who have or do use private schools and may therefore be able to answer my questions.

Thanks to everyone for your useful replies. I will go away and have a think. I need to look into the real cost of the private schools first vs just the fees as that may just put a stop to my plan anyway.

Coming late to this, but as a parent in SW London who's used the local primary schools and is 'going private' for secondary, I would reassure you that at my DSs' school all the children who wanted to go to a private secondary are going to one next year. About half the year group will be going to private schools and children from the school go every year to selective schools like Putney High, King's College Wimbledon, Latymer Upper, Hampton, LEH, Tiffin Boys and Girls, Kingston Grammar and so on.

The advantage for my son is that he's had a pressure-free primary education at a lovely school within walking distance, with loads of friends just round the corner.

Pag my DD is starting work at Pewley after summer. She went to a very posh mixed independant school from 5 - 18 and decided this was the school she wanted to work in as the children were lovely and very well behaved.

Greatfun: here's my contribution, for what it's worth!

"Firstly, is it worth it for primary school age or are better leaving it until secondary (our local primaries are good but the secondaries are rubbish)?"

It is worth it a thousand times over. Our local primary is good, but we still went for the local independent for the DCs.

"Secondly, we could afford to do this but it would be at the expense of things (luxuries rather than essentials)"

Same here! No second cars/holidays/posh clothes/handbags/kitchen extensions here...

"I worry the DCs will be viewed as the poor kids because we can't keep up with the other parents - Is this really an issue or are there many parents like us in the private system?"

There are many, many, many parents like us in the private system. There are some very wealthy ones, obviously, but they're not the majority. There's a real mixture at our school!

"We live in SW London which has mish mash of people around. Its one of the things I like but I worry that private school will only consist of a middle class kids and the DCs will therefore find it difficult to relate to other people. Is this the case or just a figment of my imagination?"

I can't speak for SW London specifically, but I also live in a mish-mash area, and the DCs manage to relate to everyone just fine. Bear in mind they spend a lot more time not at school than they do at school, so there's plenty of time to play with non-school friends.

Personally, I think anyone who can afford it at the expense just of luxuries would be crazy not to do it. By the age of seven, the difference is obvious (sadly).

Again, I can't speak for London, but my DCs certainly don't seem pressured. They seem to have a whole lot of fun right across the spectrum!

deste
Pewley is lovely. I know lots of children there. All the parents speak really well of it.
DD is a bit miffed she couldn't go there .

Greatfun
Ireally wasn't trying to be unhelpful

The thing is that each school really really is completely different. My Ds1 attended a school where the parents were very money driven and he was ridiculed at one point by some of the girls because he didn't wear designer brands etc .The parents were all too focussed on where you lived and what car you drove. It was really crass and he left.

But other schools will be filled with parents who are disinterested in money and income etc. Ds1 has friends whos parents are loaded and parents who really struggle to pay fees and boys on bursaries and scholarships. the boys don't care - they find their friends amongst those who they like. End of story. The parents arethe same.
Same with DDs school.
Of course you get a few posturing knobs but you get them everywhere.

I know the school tour is not the same as meeting parents but in a good school you really will get a sense of the children and that tells you a great deal about the parents. Open days are interesting because you see the types of parnets who are drawn to that school - and existing parents touring with siblings.
My Ds1 has had to take a few parents around the school. he is not coached and the parents ask whatthey want. he has been asked about bullying, about wealthy and poor pupils etc - and he is told to answer with his own viewpoint and honestly.

Also , if you like a school, try and walk past at drop off or pick up - see what the parents are like. Go to an event if you can like a summer fair. My DCs schools to concerts open to the public.

Its like buying a house - you wander around and see what it is like when it feels off duty.
I used to watch the boys from my sons school in town and see how they behave together etc. I am probably lucky I didn't have a thread about me on here

They really are all different. DS1 has been at four and they were all different.

Sorry to be long winded. Just trying to reply without you seeing it as trite