Another one about school reports-give me some hope, please!!

[PlumpRumpSoggyBaps]

We've just had ds1's end of year report. There were only a couple of good comments on it- one from his PE teacher saying he had pride in his appearance and one from his ICT teacher saying he'd had some good homework.

The rest were, without exception, appalling.

Homework not being handed in (ds1 claims no homework was set-ever). If it was handed in, it was of an unaccpetable standard.

Lack of concentration in class, calling out, disrupting lessons for others.

Low level results (all well below the 'average' they would expect for his age)

Working below his potential.

The worst thing about it is they all say that he is clever/able/bright. His maths report, level-wise, is the highest of the whole thing but is the worst re attitude, homework etc.

He's in year 8. I've reduced or completely taken away tv time, xbox, ipod etc etc. I've started him on omega 3 capsules. I've given his father a copy of the report and he's spoken to him. (Ds1 lives with me and my dh)

What else can I do? Does anyone have any stories to give me some hope that he'll improve?

Agree with those who've said end of year report is way too late. Why the hell didn't they call you earlier to let you know there was a problem?

The school did let her know - she said she had already seen the tutor a couple of times.

DS is a little younger than your son (10yo) but also has terribly immature handwriting. He has also been increasingly reluctant to produce any written work over the past couple of years, and would go to great lengths to avoid homework. Essentially, he was at the point where he'd prefer to take almost any punishment rather than sit down and write.

He moved schools this year to one that takes handwriting seriously and brings in a specialist teacher for part of the year for boys who need help. Turns out he has fine motor skills, in particular problems with his thumb locking, that made writing v. difficult. After a term of assistance and exercise his writing is vastly improved.

Now that he can write with relative ease, his attitude to doing his work and his homework has been transformed. It really was largely about the struggle of physically writing and, I think, embarrassment at how childish his writing looked in comparison to his peers.

I'd never have believed that such a simple thing would make such a difference. Apparently an OT is the best person to assist with these issues.

Sorry, should say 'Turns out he has problems with his fine motor skills'

I was exactly the same at this age. Some of the comments on my reports were peaches "....she has skills she chooses not to use....", "..well on the way to a career behind the counter at Woolworths.." and similar. I was always disrupting class, so much so that they refused to put me in a top stream in Maths despite my being top of the year by miles because the others would be 'affected' by my presence.

I was worse in yr 9 and eventually I got kicked out . It was a very academic grammar school with a very good reputation and I hated every minute. And they hated every minute of my presence there.

Long story short. Turns out I have an IQ of 160, was bored to tears and simply unable to sit still and do what I was told. I transfered to a local college, sailed through, then 2 top unis, 4 Post-grad quals, and doing, well, quite nicely, career-wise. I have more post-grad qualifications to my name than I do 'o' levels.

Could anything have been done differently at the time? Maybe bribery in the form of something really big could have turned me round, and almost certainly if my IQ had been known at the time I am sure that would have jolted both me and the school; but TBH it was only switching to a different environment (where the difference was that they really seemed to believe in me) that caused me to gain the self esteem and etc that I needed to start sailing through.

Maybe your son is in a similar position? He certainly sounds like me at that age...

What does DS1 have to say for himself?
Apart from claiming that homework is never set, how does he account for his calling out in class, etc.?

Does he want to be 'good' or does he want to be known as a lad, getting one-up on the teachers etc.?

He needs to know that you do not approve one iota with his behaviour and effort. You need to set high expectations for him - as you say, he is bright, and you expect him to live up to it. Mediocre is not good enough. He may be able to do well enough in Y8 without working, but he will be less able to get away with this in the future. Together (parents, teachers, child), you need to set targets for him so that he can turn around.

He is undoubtably affecting the learning of others, and he needs to realise exactly what this means and feel guilty for it.

It can be very difficult for teachers to get to the point of doing something about poorly behaved children because they have to collect so much paperwork first. People who are good teachers are necessarily great paperchases. The key thing is that you have now been informed and are in no doubt about the situation.

It is difficult to know what to do for the best at the end of the school year, but I would definitely be looking at a screen-ban for several days, followed by very limited use throughout the summer. I would expect him to toe the line at home in the holidays, eg do his chores, and be generally helpful and productive. Children need to know that there is a right and wrong way to live, so it is useful for this to involve everything he does rather than restrict it to school.

When he goes back in September, I would be optimistic for the first couple of weeks, and then be asking for feedback on him. You also need to check his homework diary every day and challenge him on homework not done or alledgedly 'unset'. If there is a pattern, ask his teachers to email the hw to you.

I myself have a very slippery DS2. He is does not disrupt the learnings of others but he does make things difficult for himself by not being equpped for lessons and for having missing/late homework. Because he is bright, he has managed to survive so far, but he is now up against coursework (Y10) and is realising that he has not developed the right work ethic to manage this by his usual 'cram the night before the exam' MO.

You survived, Squiffy - but think of all the other pupils whose education you disrupted. They might not have been quite as fortunate.

Being intelligent and bored is not an excuse to disrupt the education of others, and actually shows a lack of emotional intelligence.