Right, off to New Parents Evening as DS' primary school-to be this evening. What happens at these things anyway?

[tigana]

Do we just sit on tiny chairs while the headmaster tells us how lovely the school is?

What major faux-pas should I avoid to prevent advance labelling as "that mother who"? - I fear I will be appearing looking tired in scruffy work clothes with mildly swollen face (thanks immac...).

Assume 'scruffy work clothes' are Boden? If not then hide at the back

Ironically, I am wearing a fat face top [puffy emoticon], but my skirt and shoes are not great and I NEED a red necklace, stat, to lift my outfit ( hark at me...!!)

At ours, the Head teacher gave us a very professional and erudite presentation all about the values and ethos of the school, mission statement, goals blah blah blah.

Then the Reception teacher stood up and told us all the stuff we really wanted to know. Like whether they needed to be able to dress themselves and wipe their own bums before they started . A few brave souls asked whether it was really entirely necessary to buy stuff with the school logo on (no) and whether the school dinners were worth paying for (yes).

Dress code covered everything from scruffy work clothes to full-on power dressing. The keen first time parents sat at the front with notebooks, looking earnest, and those who had seen it all before sat at the back looking bored. I'd go for smart casual and sit near the middle .

ooo, are you coming to our school? if so, we're very friendly...
(notes use of headmaster - def not our school.)

We have to hand in the Pupil Information Form which DH filled out while significantly jetlagged.
He got DS DoB wrong ( tried to write mine!) and our phone number, and religious affiliation . So form is covered in crossings out. Oh, the shame. We are doooomed from the start

I would recommend turning up at the correct time. When our first DC started school we thought the meeting was 8pm but as we walked up to the school we noticed the last people leaving and it was in fact 7pm So I don't actually know what does happen at a new parents evening!

The head usually leaves me to do the new parent intro myself and I do introductions ... give a brief overview of how we teach and school ethos This year we are having school meal tasting sessions followed by any questions and looking forward to getting to know you all. Hand out information pack...

DD1's school gave us a booklet to fill in, with bits for the child to draw/tick/scribble on, and questions for us to answer. She drew a picture on the front, in green coloured pencil. I then absentmindedly used the same pencil to fill in "my" bits.

Goodness knows what sort of impression her teacher got of me - that psychotic woman who uses green coloured pencil to fill in official documents .

I ended up (discreetly!) breastfeeding through most of DS1's in a corner of the changing rooms. DS2 was only 3 weeks old. Some of the Mums were quite glammed up. I was in scruffy, baggy maternity clothes and hadn't even brushed my hair.

The headmaster gave a little talk about how great the school was; the head of pre-prep gave us a rather irritating lecture on the perils of TV and advised us to leave felt tips lying around to encourage writing practice, which made DH snort . Then the actual teacher gave us some useful information about the school day that DH couldn't remember (I was feeding at that point). I managed to have an extremely useful chat with one of the TAs about DS1's slightly unreliable bladder and gargantuan appetite.

well, to report back.
DH's mobile rang , then we found out that what they meant by "would you like your child to start in Sept or Jan" was...you could wait until Jan but your child be be all alone starting in Jan, we don't do 2 intakes, we just hold your place intil Jan if your PFB "isn't ready" (implicitly - you aren't ready) for school.
This is causing holiday-related consternation.

We also learnt that the foundation teacher - while undoubtedly a fab teacher of 4-5yos can't talk to adults as adults for longer than 10 minutes before relapsing into gentle bossiness...

I wasn't the scruffiest, but the PTA rep was looking rather swish in clippy cloppy heels!