Is anybody else feeling the pinch with school fees?

[cba]

I am getting really stressed about this. We have alot of money issues at the moment and am already late with the school fees.

The school have been very understanding. We have three children. dh says things will be tight for a little while but we will manage I am not so sure.

I just dont think I can cope with the stress. Anybody else struggling? Do you keep struggling, what do you think your outcome will be?

I have got a period till next Easter in my mind then if things havent changed I am taking them out.

I do sympathise, but I fear you will get a lot of schadenfreude by posting on here.. I know several people in your situation and they are looking at all options - not very helpful I know but I have heard on efamily is considering boarding school in France wehre the fees are a lot cheaper, and some are talking to grandparents about assistance. Will the school consider bursaries? I have heard they are more likley to ffer bursaries to exisitng pupils than than new ones? Very best of luck...

We have five sets of school fees .

I don't think we can really afford it, but when funds run low, we borrow from our mortgage. We have a large line of credit, and our MTV is still very healthy despite the fall in the housing market.

I'm not head in the clouds, but I am not too worried about it either. DS1 only has one year to go, so things should get easier then.

I'm not sure I would embark on a fee-paying education for any child of mine and plan to pay the fees entirely from income. Lots of things could go wrong.

We have found a school that we really love for DD (3.5) that will take her from age 4-11 and we worked out today that at today's fees the cost will be £64,000 plus uniform plus extras and trips. And then we would want to do similar for DS3 - so another £64,000. ANd then it is almost certain that we will want to pay for them to go to secondary school just like their older brothers and that is another £200,000 ( £100,000 each). These are not fancy schools - they are basic day schools. Our school fees spend will be about £500,000 in today's money and the older two went to state primaries.

It's a scary commitment.

Have you been in touch with the school bursar? Are you eligible for any help?

How old are your children?

It often easiest to earn more money. Have you both thought about taking a second job or a Sat- Sunday job or evenings?

I pay/paid 5 sets of school fees and I found university the same cost as the school fees actually so don't assume it necessarily gets better at age 18.

Don't tell me that, Xenia

This is obviously really worrying you as you've posted about this before. I did a search to find the thread and saw that you've been worrying about this for at least the last two years. If you have access to good state schools then why don't you move your dcs? There was lots of good advice on the recent thread. Hope you manage to sort something out.

ST, depends how you do it. Children can live at home, go to the nearest university and take out a full student loan to fund the £3200 pa university fees and it doesn't cost the parents a penny of course. If they go away from home and you choose to pay their rent and fees adn they do not take out loans then it can cost £10k a year which is what the school fees were/are. But it's worth it if you can afford it.

you are right mollieo, i have been worrying about it for so long. I have told dh that if things havent improved by Easter next year I am handing a terms notice in, I cannot take the stress of it all anymore.

In the meantime, I have a valuable watch that I am selling to help a little.

We are finding it hard.

And Xenia, both my dh and I have two jobs already(actually he has 3).

We work evenings and weekends.

Probably cheaper in the long run to move to where you have really good state options.

cba, I would move them to a state school - the stress isn't doing you any good.

Thanks, Xenia.

If DS goes to Imperial, then I think it would cost about the same to commute as stay at home (it would be a commute of less than a hour).

The nearest university isn't Russell Group and doesn't do any subject that is on DS's list. It has a good reputation but I think it is too small to give the full experience.

I expect DS to take out as much as he can in loans and to get a job. His school fees are £14k, even with an academic scholarship, so I am counting on not having to support him to this extent at uni.

I don't think any private school is worth the stress that you seem to be under cba.

I think voltaire's post brings you up short about whether a 'basic day school' can ever be worth that amount....I mean, I went to what are pretty rough schools in an inner city area, and when I went to Uni my A level results were on a par/better than friends whose parents had paid that amount of money. Those people went to this sort of local day school so don't come out with oxbridge scholarships or friendships with the young royals, either, if that's what you get from the schools higher up the social scale!

I would think really really hard about whether it is worth it.

I of course tend to think that a happy home and non stressed parents, and a state education, is going to be preferable to parents who are giving everything and more just to pay fees and who are not coping.

I think this is ridiculous - just take them out and put them in a state school. Next easter is another year away almost....best to bite the bullet and save yourselfs a fortune.

cba please just hand in your terms notice now and start them off in September in State school. Should things change in the next few years you could then put them into private secondary - certainly a positive spin to tell your dh.

Life is too short to be this stressed.

I don't see the point in parents working all hours just to pay school fees. What about spending time as a family?

Children want to spend time with their parents and they should not feel obliged to them just because they sacrificed everything to give them a private education.

IMO, if you are having to borrow and sell family heirlooms to keep a child in private school,then you simply cannot afford it.

A state education does not equate to children automatically becoming socially inadequate miscreants. Many of them turn out to be socially well balanced and contribute economically, culturally and altruistically to society, just like many from the private schools.

For your health, sanity and family cohesion, end the pretence that you can afford private education and enrol your children in a state school. As long as they have their parents supporting them, they will flourish.

if it helps at all, I feel I've gained way more than I've lost through going through state education. Mixing with different abilities and 'classes' is great for personal development. I'm a social worker and my schooling did me great favours in opening my eyes to other ways of seeing life. At it's most basic, I am not afraid of setting foot in rough areas. I feel at home! It takes away a barrier.

The stress is not worth it - and I say that as a parent who sends their kids to a fabulous independent school that DCs adore.
Would I still send them if it were worrying me, no I would not.
If you were near the end, I 'd say, limp along, but you've got so many years to go yet.

Just to suggest a third option....

Send them to a state school and use some of the money saved, if required, for tutors in particular subjects....

Oh I'm sorry about the stress cba, really sorry. Difficult situation for you to be in.

What causes us stress is economic uncertainty. So okay right now things are fine. If I lose my job (and the firm's made 20% redundant so far and more to come) then we would be in difficulty. And who can predict what the economy and work situation will be next year, never mind in five years' time ...

I looked at some of your old threads, cba. You said there that you actually live a 2 minute walk from a state school with an Outstanding (Ofsted) in every area, but that you put your DC in private ed because you thought your ds1 is too laid back to do his best in large classes (state school).

And yet, you also have some moans about your ds not achieving well in his school after all. About him being demotivated, getting moved to bottom set, etc. (I couldn't help but wonder if he wasn't getting demotivated because he was being pushed too much, but possibly that's me supposing too much).

Why not give state school a try? The private school isn't exactly perfect for your dc, after all, by your own admission. Would it be that tough to move the dc back to private in a year or 2, anyway, if you so wanted?

Visited my cousin today who sends her DS to private school. Already, 50 children have been withdrawn from his school and next term, one class will lose 3 children. Considering there is only about 15 in each class, that equates to one fifith.

The state school my DTS attend has already accepted several children from private schools. One mother (who has already become involved in the PTA)admitted that one of the criteria for choosing the school was because she liked the uniform.

nlondondad makes a very sensible suggestion. Targeted, one to one tuition is often far more effective than sitting in a classroom, specially if you time it carefully. In any school, the teachers are the greatest resource, and it comes down to luck and timetabling whether your child get the excellent ones, the good ones or the mediocre. We have a child in private at the moment, and it pisses me off greatly that I know damn well in some subjects her teachers aren't as good as the teachers my other kid gets in state. We've ended up paying for private tuition in some subjects, and frankly I feel like asking the school for my money back!!

Why not give the state school a go and top up with tuition if necessary. Why are you so scared of state OP? Were you not state educated yourself or something?