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Don't Push Them Too Hard

13 replies

Lill · 29/01/2002 20:21

Was looking through old threads and was amazed to find how short this one was.
I thought Sally made such a good point I would start it going again.

The trick is of course recognising when to gently push so the child continues to be stimulated and when to step back and enjoy the plateaus in a childs life.

OP posts:
Rozzy · 29/01/2002 21:13

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Viv · 30/01/2002 09:53

Rozzy, I understand your point exactly, my 4 yr old is always on the go, wnating to go and do this and that and I do worry she is doing too much.
Equally when we are at home she is always wanting to read, or practise her writing, adding etc. which is great but then I worry that I'm pushing her too much. As you say Lil it would be great to find that happy medium but I worry we do too much or if I leave her to watch the tv I worry I'm abandoning her. Is it just me or does anyone else constantly worry that they are doing the right thing.

TigerMoth1 · 30/01/2002 11:20

As far as my son's extra curricular activities go, I face a dilemma.

On the one hand I want him to dip in to lots of things to discover what he's good at. A process of discovery for us both.

But on the other, I want him to learn commitment and consistency. I don't want him to give something up when it gets a bit challenging, or he fancies watching saturday morning TV instead. I think that's a really bad precident to set.

My son is nearly 8, so is now at an ideal age for learning a musical instrument. I have read that 7 year olds catch up with the earlier starters very quickly, so there is little point in starting them at 4 or 5, unless it's purely for fun. I have seen others fall into the trap of giving their child an musical instrument, say at age 5, only for it to be abandoned six months later through boredom. Some of course don't.

I would like my son to start to have music lessons soon - so would he. I hope we can arrange some taster classes, to find an instrument he likes and will be happy to practise at home. If we go ahead, I will expect commitment from him past the first few months.

This might come across as pushy, but I know my son and right now, commmitment and concentration really aren't his strong points. He has at times a naive faith in his ability. I really want him to take pride in doing something well and not expect immediate gratification for his efforts.

He goes to three 'things' a week - one of them, Sunday School/church not very regularly. He mildly complains about them, but always leaves the classes smiling and happy. One more class, I think, will be enough for now. He needs time to relax and I need time to be with him. I don't want to be constantly ferrying him to classes on my time off from work.

He also gets to play out with his friends at weekends. I think this unstructured time with minimal adult interference is just as important for him. He knows he gets to play out, as long as he's well behaved at his classes. A critical word to me from his teachers, and he is grounded.

As a child, I went to lots of extra classes and really benefitted from them. Unlike my son, I was a very shy child and lacked confidence. Doing things I enjoyed and doing them well helped build my confidence and realise that not all ability was measured by school exams.

Mind you, now I say that, I remember the benefits could manifest themselves in some strange ways: I used to go to elocution classes, and from the age of six I happily recited poems from memory. By the time I hit secondary school, I was used to memorising pages of text. So when my dreaded physics exams came along, revision was a doddle for me, even though I was the most unscientific a student as you could imagine!

Rozzy · 30/01/2002 16:17

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Rhiannon · 30/01/2002 19:05

My little man is at Beavers as I type. We have given up Monday night football 6.30-8pm as he was too tired. Don't do anything at weekends as we like to keep them free for outings etc.

Would like him to learn piano or guitar as IMHO they seem like fun instruments that he can use all his life?? R

callie · 30/01/2002 19:30

Sometimes I feel guilty that my ds doesn't do ENOUGH. He doesnt do ANY out of school activies and he is 9yrs.
He just slops in front of the tv when we get home at 4pm. He has his dinner a shower. Then he has aprox 30mins of homework. He goes to bed at 9pm.
When the nights get lighter we will of course go out more after school. And he will resume playing outside and in the garden with friends.[He does this at weekends]
But I honestly don't think he needs antthing else.
During school hours he goes swimming once a week,plays recorder, has one to one cello lessons every friday. And plays rugby and goes to gymnastics after his lunch once a week.
He is tired out after school and usually wants to relax and unwind.

I still feel guilty though. Especially when it seems as if everybody else is going to allsorts of activites. The problem is. Even if he did want to go to something I would find it difficult as dd is 21mths and goes to bed at 6.30pm thus we are trapped in the house afer this time.

Last summer he did go to football club after school and I had to pick him up at 5.30. This meant us arriving home afer 6pm and me singing all the way to keep dd awake.
I was almost relieved when he decided to leave after the summer holidays.

Ems · 30/01/2002 19:48

Callie dont feel guilty. your son does some fantastic things in the day that many others dont have the opportunity to do within the school. Most people are doing those things after 3.30pm.

SueDonim · 30/01/2002 21:33

Please don't feel guilty, Callie, it's not the end of the world if your son doesn't do loads of after school activities and in any case, it sounds as though he already has a very interesting time! You have years ahead of you in which to try more new things.

Of my four, two were never keen on after school things, while the third only enjoyed it when she got to about 12. The last one would keep going 24 hours a day if I let her, but my pocket and my sanity won't allow for that! And I have to admit, as a family, some of the best times we have are when we all just chill out and do nothing at all.

robinw · 30/01/2002 22:21

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addle · 31/01/2002 13:05

Re music lessons - try checking your borough services. In London, Lambeth are running a fantastic centre for young musicians for 7+ where the children get to choose an instrument, have group lessons, etc and take it home to practice. It is very cheap but demands commitment - every Saturday morning and 10mins practice every day.

TigerMoth1 · 31/01/2002 16:57

robinw and addle, thanks for the music info. I'm going to get my son into some taster classes soon, I hope. There is no music provision at his new school until he moves up a year.

Callie, the range of activities at your son's school sounds fab. No wonder he's tired after all that!! I wouldn't feel guilty that he's not doing extra, just thankful so much is being covered by the school.

callie · 31/01/2002 19:08

Thanks, Tigermoth,SueD and Ems,for reassuring me .
Fridays are definitley the worst. Tomorrow he will have to take to school with him: P.E kit and Trainers, Rugby kit and Football boots, Recorder and music file. Plus his cello!
Swimming was today,thank goodness! And thankfully his cello is only a half size one so it actually fits in my boot!

He looks like pack horse going through the playground. And he ALWAYS but ALWAYS leaves something behind at home time. Be it one of his rugby socks or football boots. I then have to wait till monday to search the cloakroom.
I just do not know how anyone copes when they have 2, 3, or 4 children in school.

Rozzy · 01/02/2002 09:17

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