OK how should I respond to the standard letter the headteacher has sent me about DS's low attendance?

[HerBeatitudeLittleBella]

He's had loads of time off htis academic year, because he has been ill. Some of which were stomach aches which the GP says is probably psychosomatic and caused by the bullying he's been having to put up with.

I know they have to cover their backs but frankly it pisses me off that they can't even personalise a standard letter and have a look at the individual child and the reasons for his absence. She can't have that many "We'll report you to the Education Welfare Officer" letters to send out that she can't consult with his form teacher to find out if this is likely to be a genuine case of illness or a family who for some bizarre reason think it's easier to have their children at home than at school... do I bat it back with a "oh good, you're going to address the bullying which is making him ill in the first place" letter or just send a bland "thank you for your concern" letter? WWYD?

Seriously? I see your point, but it's just a standard letter. Everyone gets them. They're sent out automatically. Everyone at school knows the difference between an ill child and one taking the piss.

And yes, it would be nice if they could personalise the letters, but no-one's got the time. It's rubbish, I know, but everyone at my school is over-worked, under-paid (except the Big Boss of course), and uses up all their time on stupid paperwork.

Sympathies, but don't worry about it. If you do want to write a letter, the bullying issue should be being dealt with by the school. Ask to see their bully policy.

Presumably the school knew about the bullying? If so, how was it dealt with, and when you notified the school to say he was ill did you say that it was linked to the bullying?

If the school knew about it, knew about his illness linked to the bullying and have done nothing about it, then I'd absolutely bat it back with a reference to the bullying, and would arrange a meeting to discuss in more detail.

I don't think you should respond to the standard letter.

However, if you still have concerns about the bullying you should ask to meet with the teacher/head.

Hmm the school knew about the bullying and at last dealt with it once I put something in writing.

His form teacher knew the belly aches were linked to the bullying, but I didn't put anything in writing. I don't know, I just assumed that there would be some kind of communication between the HT and the form teacher before a letter like this got sent out.

I know schools are busy, but in every other sector, you expect people to communicate with each other. I'm a bit sick of that old excuse about schools being busy. Everywhere's busy but that's not considered a good enough reason to have a bit of a crap level of client service. Sorry, am being a bit bad-tempered and curmudgeonly I know. It's because I know that if this happened at my DD's school, the HT would have spoken to the form teacher first, because she's so bloody good.

oh and because tbh I don't like her v much. Bit of a crap school, DS has been putting up with bullying for about 2 years and every term I went into see a form teacher about it and it was only when I put it in writing that they did something about it.

Also when I have sent him in when he's been borderline, most of the time he's been fine but on the couple of occasions he got worse and felt really ill, they didn't phone me so he sat there in class feeling really ill Which of course, made me feel reluctant to send him in next time he was borderline...

I would arrange a meeting to discuss the bullying, and try and forget about the letter (whilst seething inside!). Very often these standard letters are automated, and are generated by the computer after X number of absences. Hope it all goes well for you

Ah. This one is signed by the HT. So does that mean it's not standard? Because I presumed it was as it makes no reference to anything remotely individual.

I would imagine it's just a standard letter that she signs as standard. She'll probably have to evidence that she is communicating these absences to parents, which is why it's done in this way. It is nice to have a letter which actually makes reference to your child though, I agree.

Bullying isn't a separate issue by the way. Much of his absence was caused by belly aches which his GP thinks were caused by the stress of the bullying. So the two issues aren't separate, they are linked.

oh right, OK that makes sense thanks.

And the letters can't be personalized because then you get the people who take the p**s finding out and claiming that they are being treated unfairly because they got a different letter. Go and talk to the Head. Then follow it up with a letter detailing what you discussed and what was agreed.

Pour yourself a drink and try not to worry about the standard letter. This is not an individualised sarky comment aimed specially at your child. Don't take it personally.

You need to see the head separately about your ds's problems. And put everything in writing. And make sure copies are circulated to everybody who needs to know, even if that means you have to do it yourself.

I've had a difficult time in the past with a chronically ill child and an unsympathetic head, and one thing I have learnt is that you can never rely on information being passed on. Make sure they get everything in writing.

Oh I know I mustn't take it personally, have written a letter which says all the right things...

And thanks for your advice btw has reminded me not to feel resentful towards the HT because I think she's not measuring up in other areas. Mustn't let my view of how she runs her school influence me re this.

Hope that you manage to resolve things and that your DS has a happier time at school - good luck

Schools have to take attendance seriously. The point of this letter is a first step. They are drawing your attention to his attendance and how poor it is. Despite the reasons behind it, it will be having an effect on his education. (How old is he by the way?)

I don't know what steps they are putting in place.

At the school I work at they have attendance panel meetings at least once a term with all students (plus parents/carers) when their attendance falls below a certain figure.

I am half-expecting a similar letter myself. ds2 (9) has had a serious of operations and hospital appointments this year - the third just coming up. By my reckonings this may trigger just such a letter.

Dh is Chair of Governors and spends at least 0.5 - 1 day in school every week. School are well aware of the reasons behind ds2's attendance and he got 100% last year. That doesn't mean I think they should put such a letter in the bin when their system generates it.

His attendance is poor. If, for example, I were considering asking school for approval for a term-time absence for a holiday [not that I would!] I would anticipate approval being refused.

I agree with you Roisin. I just think the standard letters ought to go from the starting assumption that parents are responsible, rather than the starting point that they are idiot chavs. It's just about tone. It's not their strong point.

From someone who has been to court and fined, due to poor attendance....one peice of advice.
Photocopy every peice of evidence you have. Drs letter, hosp appt letters, prescriptions etc, anything official and make copies. Keep one yourself, give one to the HT and another to the EWO.

Cover your arse.

Sorry to be blunt. My DD2 has dyscalculia, and was terrified to go to school so would fake stomach aches, earaches etc. Finally seen the edu psych for asessment, 6 months after I've been to court

Second what Purple said. Be meticulous about the paper work. Also keep notes at any meeting you attend.

The absolute low water mark I have come across in this area was dd's ex-head who gave her friends an authorised holiday to spend time with their dying mum and then wrote a sarky comment about their attendance record on their end-of-term report. Clearly he'd got worried about Ofsted at that stage- but a crap way of covering his back imo, after he'd pretended to be all sympathy. (He was the same head who told me re my chronically ill and disabled dd that "of course we know that Corydd is ill, but you can't expect us to be happy about it!).

A standard letter otoh is I think what you can expect; doesn't have to mean that they won't deal with your specific problems under another heading.

God so much of this school stuff nowadays is about arse-covering isn't it. So depressing. Parents and teachers are playing this arse-covering game instead of comunicating properly. The govnernment and its idiotic initiatives have a lot to answer for.

The ready supply of litigation lawyers with apparently no one to pull their heads in has got most to answer for!