In 9 years time ds will be doing A levels...

[admylin]

We're abroad now and ds should be going into year 7 in UK in September(if we were in UK)

I can't stop thinking what a mess we're in. H has a 3 year contract and he doesn't think it'll be renewed (science research) so he'll need to find another job which as science contracts go will be for another 3 years, in another city or even country. So after this contract, ANOTHER move, another 3 years somewhere and then what? The dc will still be teenagers, should be in the middle of GCSE's by then.

I think the dc need stability in one place and one school - in 9 years ds should be finished with his A levels and I cant stop these feelings of panick especially when he's sitting like this weekend studying German fairy tales for German class. It seems to me he's wasting his time.

I know it's not h's fault that his career has gone this way. However, should I try to go back to UK and settle the dc in school there, I would have a home base where may parents and famiyl live, and I'm looking at the next 10 years atleast. H will still have his nose stuck in some experiment in a lab whatever happens. What do you think?

oooh that's a tricky situation. Honestly don't know. I think I'd be very tempted to come back and settle in the UK but how often would DH be able to visit and for how long?

Wow, that was quick!

Yes, he would be able to visit, as long a she's in Germany he has plenty of holidays - he could book them in advance and even book his flights - I'd say he would manage every other month for a long weekend or a week here and there. We hardly see him as it is so I'm sure the dc wouldn't miss him.

he's not she's!

My friend's DH just move out to Germany with his job and ahe stayed here with her DCs. DH flies home almost every weekend.

I think the DCs miss him (they're only little) but on the whole it works well.

TBH, I think with modern working life, this kind of situation isn't that unusual.

I know I'm putting off the evil moment of going shopping.

Do the Dc's know the UK and have friends here? Just thinking, although you say they don't see DH much now, it will be very different for them living in another country from him.

And what about you? Would you not miss him being around on a day-to-day basis. Suppose it depends how much time you get together anyway really.

Ooooh still don't know!

So the situation - if we didn't move - is really not good for the dc, suppose the exchange rate is good for us too, in the long run he would also save money as he could move into a cheaper place as this place would be far too big for him.

I say I wouldn't miss him as we often spend the whole summer without him in UK and we managed, but then again I suppose when you know it's for such a long time - it's the 10 years I'm thinking about - it might be a different feeling.

Putting off shopping eh? I can't wait to try internet grocery shopping for the first time when/if we move back, don't have that luxury over here!

At risk of being shouted down i'm going to suggest boarding from the age of 11 or 13. If you are going to move around for the next 10 years this will give them some stability. As long as you are only moving round europe then getting to see them at weekends could work fine. I'm just very wary of living in different country from DH for long periods. I have seen family break downs caused by this. It takes alot of effort on both sides to be successful. However the other side to it is although you can speak to your kids every day you only get to see them every couple of weeks.

Sorry no hugely helpful!

I agree with lazymum - if you really have no idea of where your DH is likely to be working over the next few years you need to ensure that your DS has a stable education. I would investigate boarding schools in the UK ASAP.

I agree with lazymum - if you really have no idea of where your DH is likely to be working over the next few years you need to ensure that your DS has a stable education. I would investigate boarding schools in the UK ASAP.

I couldn't do boarding school, I'd rather h travelled to visit us to be honest but I think by the sound of it we are really going to haveto some quick thinking and sorting out. Stability is the key to doing well , or am I just thinking that because it's what I had?

Stability is important, but can mean very different things.

Changing school within a country/system won't really matter until children embark on their GCSE courses. But if your child is going to change country/system, this really ought to happen before secondary, or in the first couple of years of secondary at the very, very latest (and only if said child is clever and adaptable).

That's a good point BonsoirAnna. The GCSE course starts in year 9, is that right? I suppose that would give us abit more time.

Riven, did you HE them before that? How did they catch up on chemistry and physics? I can try to keep my 2 dc up to scratch on most subjects along side the German stuff they endure learn but I'm not sure about the sciences (not that I want them to be scientists later, their dad is one and it's not exactly a great job in terms of earnings and time/contracts)!

If your DH tends to be settled somewhere for 3 years at a stretch, would that be able to fit in with the DCs doing their exams? Possibly not GCSEs if you're abroad, but whatever the local equivalent is. I would assume that most European countries recognise each other's qualifications.

Another possibility, depending where you are and your circumstances, would be to study with an internet school and do iGCSEs. My DS is doing that at the moment, though we're in the UK, but he has classmates all round the world. That would depend on the legal status of home education in the country you were in, and whether it would be permitted for them not to be in the local school system.

No it isn't legal here which is a shame as it would solve our problems and I would HE them. One of the big problems is that even if we move within Germany, each state has a totally different schooling system and it would almost as bad as moving countries. Ds is in secondary grammar school now, if we moved 200km eastwards he'd be back in primary school!

I am longing for the simple, understandable education system of UK that I know, and my h isn't German either so we are going to have massive problems even helping our dc get through to A levels in the German system.

Three years is not enough in one system to get to grips with its particular demands and to do one's academic best. Four years is an absolute minimum IMVHO. The issue is not one of recognising qualifications but of achieving within a system.

admylin - are your children in the German state system? Are there no IB schools nearby (or is that not financially possible)?

So the form of family life we would have is maybe just another form of global/moderm society family life? It's not the classic form but it could work?

That's what I have to sort out in my head before we sit down and talk about it. I know some of his family members have also lived like this, they sent their wives and dc to the States to school because they wanted that sort of education and stability for them - they only joined the family after retiring (OK early retirement)which is maybe where I have this idea from even though h hasn't said anything. He's too busy anyway.

There is an IB but not affordable on a reasearch scientists pay! Also again the problem of the 3 year contracts arrises, even if we could afford it now, what if he doesn't get a folow on job and is unemployed for a while? That's what I want to avoid.

admylin - parents have been sending their children away to school for hundreds of years; mothers have lived separately from their husbands because of conflicts of interest between work and school for decades. It is not ideal, IMO, for families not to live together but it is not a catastrophe either and it may just be the only way of ensuring that your family both has money to live on now and your children's education and hence future prospects are adequate. Please think through all the possible scenarii without prejudice before reaching a conclusion.

Cranbrook School in Kent is a state grammar with a fee-paying boarding section. That might be interesting for you - not too expensive good quality education...

Oh, I have an excellent school in mind already thanks! That's on my list of pros and also the fact that we could save money for the future if we lived that way. I'm trying to make a good list of pros and cons and then see if h thinks he could envisage living that way too.

It might do us good as on the times he would visit us we might get abit of quality time with him instead of seeing him as he is , working 7 days a week and somedays the dc don't even see him at all.