August born ds

[techpep]

My ds is in reception at the moment, he started last september (he had turned 4 2 weeks previously). I had spoken to his nursery teacher about holding him back in nursery - which is joined to the school, but i was discouraged and at the time felt confident enough tosend him to reception. However, i'm now really regretting my decision and feel that ds' confidence has taken a real beating. Does anybody know if i would be able to have him stay in reception for another year, or would i have to take him out of school completely?

They might let him stay in reception, or join reception for some lessons. Really depends on how many new children they will have in next year I think.
Sorry bit of a rubbish answer

i would say leave him where he is - he will catch up - might take time but he will

I have thought about that, but I feel that if hes starts at a point where he needs to catch up, he will always be catching up. I know i'm not the first parent to have these worries, and so don't want to be seen as being over precious, but i dont want to feel that i am pushing him along in an education system that expects so much, so young.

techpep I know exactly how you feel my dd was4 and 3 days when she started school and I was really preasurised by the school because they got the nursery vouchers.my dd education really suffered because for the first 2 terms she was so tired she kept falling asleep.Another child was the same age as yours and their child suffered.my dd is now 15 and it was only 2 years ago that we discovered that nobody had bothered to check whether she had taken any of her early schooling in and it turned out all her difficults lay in the fact she had no recollection of her first 2 years.Once the basics were then put in her confidence grew and she is now studying for 15 gcse,s. you know your child better than anyone do not let them blackmail you do what you feel is best. good luck

Won't he miss his friends if he is kept down a year? My ds is a prem June born (should have been August). There is a huge difference between the oldest and youngest in the year but the teachers in my ds's reception class make allowances for that. How has his lack of confidence manifested itself? Have you spoken to his teacher about it?

i dont think they do - it does not matter if ds is not top of the class

my ds was aug birthday and it took him unitl yr 2 to catch up- he just kept going from theronin and has not stopped yet!

Hi - all the evidence shows summer born boys have greater difficulty throughout most of their early school years. I believe this is especially true if they are forced into more formal schooling too young. Most certainly don't catch up in the infants. Indeed the old 11 plus used to make allowances for summer born children.
Have a look at the government statistics.
He may be happier in a more pre-school environment or part -time till Easter.

He doesn't seem to have any friends, he couldn't think of anyone he would like to come for tea, he has been put on the register of concern for his fine motor skills, which i dont think was necessary as those skills wouldn't be expected of a september born child in nursery although i realise its good that they are recognising potential problems early on. Academically, he seems o.k, he is brilliant with numbers and can tell the time (half past and o'clock) but it is more the social skills, confidence levels that worry me. He has become very tearful about the slightest thing when he has always been a very laidback child, he will hit himself and call himself stupid when attempting something new and he regularly cries and doesn't want to go to school.

My DS was also an August birthday and I think he would have been helped to stay down a year, but in retrospect I am glad he didn't because he wouldn't have liked it later.(I wasn't allowed to anyway). He would have had to stay in the year below until he left school, he wasn't going to magically make the leap back to his own year at any point.

If you are in England, I believe it's very difficult to keep children back a year. I think that even if the school agrees with you, they still have to put a very strong case to the LEA. I don't think your sons case would be sufficient.
A good reception teacher should be able to cope with the different age range, and make allowances for the younger children. It's something that they deal with every single year. I would talk to the teacher about your concerns.

Have you spoken to his teacher about the confidence and not wanting to go to school points. My ds has gross motor skills development delay and hypermobility. He used to fall over when he ran but has improved a lot since he started school. I just made sure that his teacher was aware of his limitations and what support he needed.

My ds regularly says he doesn't have any friends and gives me a long list of whom he won't be inviting to his birthday party. I raised it once with his teacher (he used to come home crying because he said no one would play with him). She told me he played with lots of his classmates. I don't think boys have special friends at this age. I just arrange playdates with children whose mums I get on with!

There is a greater expectation on children in reception than nursery and I've noticed a step up this term in what the teachers expect regarding behaviour. The calling himself stupid would concern me and I'd ask the teacher if he does this at school and what can be done to boost his confidence.

He sounds as if he is coping well academically but he needs to have his confidence restored. I'm not sure repeating a year would make a big difference to that. If he is coping with the work then you may end up replacing one set of problems with another, he may be bored repeating the same work.

Thanks MollieO, you have a good point about him possibly being bored repeating the year. I work in the nursery which is joined to the reception class, so i get to see him at play, and he definitely doesn't have friends although he seems o.k with it, he doesn't ever say that no-one will play with him, maybe he just prefers to be on his own i guess. Its really difficult, i've never been worried about which school my dc go to and am not the type to worry about academic brilliance or passing the 11+. I just would feel like i had let him down hugely if his entire school life is taken up with being made to feel like he should be at a particular level. Working in the nursery, i definitely take into account the childrens ages in months rather than years, so in september we will have some cildren that are 48 mths and some just 36 mths although i have made a chart of all their ages so i am constantly reminded of why a 36 mth old child may not want to listen to a story for longer than 5 minutes, i just worry that not every year group will remember to take it into account. Any way i'm waffling now, sorry. Does anyone have any opinions/experience on homeschooling? and is it possible to integrate them back into school at a later date (secondary age) as i would not feel confident to teach them through this age.

I have a late July ds (born 3 weeks early) who slept after school and I don't think he took in anything for two years. He is now 9 and much more mainstream. So, it does get better!

However, I think it might be worth asking now about cutting back on the amount of time your son spends in school. I am sure I have heard of children doing a four day week, or finishing at lunch time a couple of days a week in their reception year. This might make all the difference to his stamina, and if you have an understanding head teacher, you might find this easy to arrange. Surely better a child who's on form till 12, than one who's sleepy and struggling till 3?
Maybe other MNs will know more about this.

BTW I have a nephew in Reading whose school didn't take him till the third term of reception (he is an April baby), and that was standard, not exceptional in that school.

Children do catch up, but I think it is hard going for many summer babies, and wish the government would think about 6 month rather than 12 month group intakes (especially for boys)....another topic!

My ds born end of July, he is Yr 2 and has struggled with all aspects of school since he started in reception, especially his social skills. He started reception at 4 years 1 month, and it took him a term to learn where to put his bag, coat, etc. He couldn't really cope.

I remember that I did speak to his teacher and the headteacher when he was in reception because I wanted to give him a day off per week. We are not legally obliged to send a child to school until they are 5, but I did want to co-operate with the school - they suggested that I bring him in later if he was still asleep in the mornings, and even keep him off from time to time if he was exhausted.

He is in a nurture group with the ELSA and is making progress with his social skills. I am confident that he will be OK in the end, but it would have been better for him to have started school in the summer term before he was 5.

i know what you are saying spring daffs

ds was v v slow starter and slow to fit in socially

i am glad i did not keep him off as that would have only made him more 'different' and 'sore thumbish' when he did start

as i said for him yr 2 was turning point

11+ exams DO allow for age as well although it is very minimal

by grammar school age you would never have guessed ds was young - he got all top grades on gcse as well so hang in there - it does get easier

Not all childen mature at the smae rate, my ds's birthday is the 21st august. He did struggle with tiredness and concentration and did have difficulties with fine motor skills in infants.
However it never crosesd my mind to keep him back a year.
He is now in juniors and these issues have receeded as he has matured.
He is in a really nice class and has made friends with some nice boys which is an indirect advantage.

However you know your child best, if you are concerned make an appointment with his teacher. They should be experienced enogh to have strategies to deal with summer born children and those who have difficulties adapting to school.

Techpep,
I can fully understand how you feel. My older one was born on Aug 15th, and when he joined reception.. I felt he was just too tiny and immature compared to the rest of his class. I have felt many a times that he didnt understand what was going on in class. I had half a mind to let him repeat his reception. Having put him in a private school, I could have done that, but his teachers said he was coping alright. He is now 6 years old and in Year2, but I still feel he would have done much better had he repeated his year, though now I think its too late. Having said that, I have heard many times that it is just the initial years that are difficult.

My ds is an August baby and he really struggled in reception. He went to the school nursery the year before and absolutely loved it and was always really happy to go but the full-time hours of reception took it out of him.

My friend had a dd (birthday in May) at a different school and they actively encouraged them to take half days twice a week. I approached our head of early years too see if it was possible for him to have a half day on a Friday and I was told to be grateful that a full-time place was available and they wouldn't make any allowances for him and that he should go to bed earlier if he was tired (he was fast asleep by 6.30 every night!!). I also spoke to the LEA and they told me if I wasn't happy then I should remove him from school until he turned 5 but he would then re-join at yr1 and they wouldn't guarantee him a place at the same school.

I spoke again to his teacher (who was a lot more understanding) and she agreed with the head teacher that he could take occasional Fridays off untill he turned 5 but they would be classed as unauthorised absences (sp?). So that's what we did.

It was so sad to see him so tired an unhappy about going to school when he'd previously been so happy there. He'd wake up on a Monday morning and ask what we were dong that day and then look so deflated when I told him we were going to school.

He did improve after taking occasional Fridays off but it was quite a way into the year by the time it was sorted out and I feel it would have been more of a benefit to him if had been arranged earlier.

He's in yr2 now and at he's slightly below average with his reading/writing etc but he's happy being at school and can even stay up until 7.30 some nights!

(watching with interest as have a v late August dd!)

As your ds isn't legally bound to be in school for a long time (term after 5th birthday), could you let him do mornings onlyfor a while, then mornings and lunch, and only do the full day later in the summer term?

I've seen this happen in my older dcs' school, and all the children have thrived in this way, and have moved on to longer days much faster than you would have thought!

The sodding system is so intractable you would scream. My DS is August too and is now in Year 3. My biggest regret is letting him start reception at 4. We are in Budapest and lucky enough to be in a private school so I could have done. We will be moving back to UK in 2 years and will have him repeat a year at that stage - prob Year 5. School we are going to are aware that that is what we want and are fine with it - unless DS suddenly becomes top of the class which he won't!

My DS actually coped with reception fine. Wasn't interested in the academic stuff but the teacher was aware of his age and didn't push him. He had a fab teacher in Year 1. It was in Year 2 that things changed a bit. His handwriting was dreadful and he started to struggle with maths. This year he is working with an OT twice a week (which we are paying for) and still struggling with maths so have signed him up for Maths Whizz on-line and he does that to help with the maths. I look at my friend's DS who is 1 September b'day and in Year 2 and feel so sorry for my DS who is bright and mature and confident but would find school so much easier if he was in Year 2 now and not year 3.

Depending where you live it will be hard to take him out - the LEA will expect him to go into an age-appropriate year. However if you are in Leeds or Bradford that is not the case - they are more flexible I believe.