My child does not like school!

[annacat]

Hello everyone. Well, my older son is in year two now and school provokes a great deal of anxiety in him. I feel so exhausted and upset after two and a half years of taking a reluctant child to school. He's not naughty in school and he has never exactly just clung to my legs and screamed. It's always more of a sort of sad resignation when we reach the school gates. That, coupled with reluctance to get up, frequent tears and Sunday night upset. Today was a toughie as it's the first day of a new term...

Previously, the school has told me that he seems fine in school; of late, Im being told that his progress in reading is slow and that he won't push himself and that sometimes he says he cannot do things when he can. I'm not a pushy mother: I just want my child to be happy. My husband thinks I am letting it worry me too much, but then it's me at the school gates. Also, I'm torn because I work two to three days a week and he's in childcare after school and he sometimes gets upset that it's not me picking him up. And yet....I feel the need to stand firm.

My son says that he gets confused at school, feels that he's being asked to do things all the time and worries about getting them wrong and...well, he's an articulate chap.

He's a sociable chap, with a lot of mates to do things with (in school and out)....so what to do? Am I being neurotic? Anyone got any thoughts? His younger brother just starteed school and is very happy. What a relief!

Anna Cat.

Poor you.

Have you had a good chat with his teacher. UI'm replying as a teacher really (dd is only 18moths). Personally I'd chat as lng as you wanted to see what we could do.

hmmmmmmmmmm

Home education is not an option unless you can afford the luxury of one parent at home. The OP says that she works.

I think school doesn't suit a lot of kids, but for most families it's a case of finding the best possible school and getting on with it.

Is the an underlying problem like dyslexia or glue ear. Often goes unnoticed for some time.

I have twins b/g started school last sept - dd loves school, ds hates it, teacher says he is fine at school, this behaviour is all for my benefit but now, he is feeling sick before going to school, won't get dressed, kicks and screams, even when he comes home from school, and still they say he's fine at school. so I hope this doesn't last 2 years

how do you manage?

Will keep an eye out for any tips.

Good luck!

Oh annacat - my DS was jsut like this. I perservered though infant school, but when he got to Junior school it all got too much for him, and I jsut couldn't physically get get him in. He was a very sad little chap.

I moved him to a smaller school, who have been brilliant with him -there is a lot less hussle and bustle, and they have 3 staf in the class at any one time. He's just better looked after.

Maybe this school environment just isn't right for him. If you can't home ed (And I completely understand if you don't want to) Maybe a different school would suit his needs better?

Thank you so much everyone! Am digesting all of this. My son is in a large primary school with big classes, incidentally. We have thought about a smaller school (very lucky in our area to have any choice, I know) but logistically, it would be a nightmare -- unless I moved both boys, the younger of whom loves the school.

My instinct has always been along the lines of "let's just get on with it!" Some kids don't like school. (I'm a secondary school teacher, by the way.)But when that anxiety and dislike pervade the out of school hours and make mornings tough tough tough, it's hard to keep upbeat.I don't mollycoddle, but I also cannot ignore it.

I have wondered about an underlying learning difficulty, but am not convinced. Anyway, I'm digesting your lovely replies and will talk more later.

Annacat.

Annacat - every sympathy - dd also is upset frequently going into school, sometimes I try to ignore it, sometimes sympathy, sometimes rewards, and nothing seems to make much difference! Sometimes I can rationalise it but I do get fed up - I can't even get a conversation with another mum. And I feel like they are all judging me. It is exhausting trying to keep cheery and distract dd from tears all of the time!!

A lot of the time it is just the 15 minutes or so leading up to school, but last week it was the night before etc and full blown sobbing about not wanting to go. So I had a meeting with dd's teacher yesterday (she is nearly 8). She has had periods of this every so often at nursery and school, and it almost becomes a routine that is hard to get out of? The school are sure she is fine once she is in, and she does well at everything and behaves etc. We all think she just is a worrier and that won't change really (inherited perhaps..?).

Basically we are trying to get her to see it is OK and normal to worry, but it isn't good to let it take over, and to help her learn to control this better. One suggestion is that she writes down her worries each day along with something good that happened or that she had fun at, so she is more positive about her day and to stop her dwelling on (talking endlessly about) a tiny little thing because it was the thing she didn't like. She seems to like this idea.

Anyway, the point I am trying to make is that dd doesn't have a specific problem with/at school, and I think school is essential in teaching her how to deal with "real life" work and friendships when she is grown up - this is part of her nature and she will learn to deal with it (I hope!).

I am happy that we have completely ruled out all other problems though, and have a good school, so I guess it is important that you do that first of all. Good luck!

Get his sight tested.

My friend had this and found her son had very bad vision - he has really picked up since wearing glasses and being able to actually see what is going on around him.

Surely his sight would have been tested in reception.

Having moved DS1, it is a logistical nightmare - Luckily DH can help in the morning. Would it be possible if you used before /after school clubs? I had to last year.