groaning under the weight of private school fees!

[pearso]

Hello,
I've got one child at private school, the other still at state primary for another year and we're dreading the decision next year about what to do. It's very unlikely we'll be able to afford a second set of school fees. Is anyone else in a similar situation? I'd love to hear from you if you are.... I'm also writing about it in my column for the Evening Standard so wouldn't use names but would love to hear what people think, especially in London and about any experiences good or bad.
thanks!

I have taught in state schools and some of them are grim and ghastly. Nothing convicted me more to private education than having first hand experience of this.

No amount of enriching them with fancy holidays or extra-curricular activities is going to compensate them for going to a sink school.

We entered the private system because the county could only offer me a totally dire school for my DS. No thanks! Not if I have the means to find an alternative.

Pearso - grammatical mistakes in both of your last two posts, are you sure you are up to writing a whole article?
It wouldn't be tolerated in an 11+ paper

Most of those I know who went into the state sector at 11 didn't do so with a glad heart but nor were they weeping into their tea.
Afterall, there isn't much point is there? If you can't afford it you may as well make the best of it.
That said, they all went off to the local grammar or excellent faith schools so were not exactly bravely stepping into the wilds. No doubt that sweetened the pill.
Now a term in, most are finding it fine, not fab, but fine.
As someone pointed out below I do wonder though where those kids who would have had those places ended up.

But most state schools are not sink schools! Some are - but some private schools are crap too. I have read things on here about the way children are treated in SOME private schools that makes me want to go and fire bomb the place. The problem is that people seem to see private as Malory Towers and state as Bash Street Primary - the truth is very different.

You seem to be obsessed with what most people do, Seeker. It really doesn't matter what everyone else chooses, becuse it is an individual decision for your particular family.

If you are happy with what is on your doorstep, then count your blessings. Not everyone is so fortunate or as blind.

It's a good job that not all state schools are sink schools that we can conveniently ignore, but it is important if your nearest school is a sink school. I take it that you were never faced with the choice of sink school or independent.

Patronising story about "surviving" the move to state in Times 2 is here

I know quite a few people (friends and relatives) who were educated privately. Just don't understand why it is presumed that if you pay for education it is automatically better than what the state provides.

My personal experience is that some of the parents wasted their money. If I am going to fork out for fees, the children should at least excel in something.

My former boss paid for his two daughters to be educated privately because in his words, he did not want them mixing with all sorts.

The youngest who was supposedly very bright left school after A'levels, got a job in a bank as a cashier and is now shacked up with her car mechanic boyfriend. To say her father is unhappy would be an understatement. The oldest daughter is still at home age 22yo having left at 16yo still deciding what to do with her life.

I was going to give the link to the Times article but see that Unquiet Dad beat me to it. I don't think it is a very good example because they live in Cranleigh where the state schools will be excellent! They were hardly going to move to sink schools so I don't know why it was such a shock to find that the move was simple and untraumatic!

Actually, I thought that was a reasonably balanced article given the crap that The Times usually trot out! However, my blood started boiling at "school fees of £24,000 are actually £40,000 once you've paid the tax on them". Err sorry, that's bollocks, I could just as well say "my shopping bill costs £160 a week rather than £100 once you add the tax on". It makes no sense - should I start demanding part of my council tax back because I prefer to use Rentokil rather than the council to deal with my rat problem, or because I don't use as many of the roads as some people do?

Spokette - trotting out stories about privately eduated children's failures proves nothing does it?
I could tell you that of the thousands of children going through the criminal justice system last year almost all were state educated.
I could take you to my local under 16 mothers group and yep, you guessed it, they're all state educated. But does that prove that state education is shite?

I'm sure that Xenia has said that she sends her DC private so that they mix with 'the right sort'.

BoffinMum, i would love to see your study, how do i go about getting it? thanks

If the proportions were something like 50-50 I'd have to start believing there was something in it. At times, on here, it seems like 50-50 which is very misleading.

In fact 93% of children are educated in the state system.

Assuming home-ed accounts for only a very small proportion of the rest, that leaves somewhere just under 7% in private schools. We are not talking about something which a huge number of people "choose" over the council option (as with owner-occupancy).

Given that this is the case, the amount of words spoken and written about this "issue" and the amount of hand-wringing we see over it seems vastly out of proportion.

State schools in Cranleigh must be among the top performing schools in the country-I am surprised that they didn't look at them before they paid out school fees.

I often wonder what's going on in people's minds when they choose to pay an extra £10-20k a year on schools when they live in perfectly good school catchments. And let's be honest, the people who can afford to pay this usually do. Not many private school applicants from council estates.

The people in the Times article were both privately educated, they had no experience of state schools and hadn't considered it-they are then surprised to find they are good! In a place like Cranleigh they could have saved a fortune up to now!

....it is true that, by buying your child an independent school education, by and large you are buying them a 'fast track' ticket to what BoffinMum describes (with some precision) as 'elite occupations'. Not a guarantee, but a greatly enhanced chance.

Viewed dispassionately, this is iniquitous and wrong. However, those who are that disinterested in their progeny are unlikely to be posting here.

...my older two urchins have SENs that largely preclude them from the independent sector, and are probably best catered for by state schooling anyway.

This is not the case with my twin 7 year olds. Were I able to afford it, I would swallow my 80s student socialism and do it. I want them to have a 'fast track ticket'.

...I have done my sums (no mean feat for a sink school graduate like myself. I was considered a great academic success when I gained entry to a third division poly). Despite what I consider to be a decent size lump sum to start with, I think I could fund about 2 years of schooling for them.

So it is not a choice available to me. No amount of belt tightening, LIDL shopping, borrowing or holidaying at 'Ourgate' will supply 20k a year for a decade. Or even from 11-18.

Therefore I read threads such as this, aware that my twins have an additional couple of feet of greasy pole to climb as a result, and feel a twinge of unwanted and somewhat unpleasant envy....

...and neither can I currently afford to move to an area where house prices have performed a self selection act on the local state schools.

My local ones are fine. But just that. Fine.

...it may be possible in the future though, and I keep an eye on the housing market with interest....

Don't know where you live, UnquietDad, but where I live 38% of children are educated privately - and several other London boroughs are similar

London always has slightly different figures to the rest of the population. Whether it's average salaries or numbers of languages spoken or proportion of children in state education.

Where do you live, Idealist, Windsor Great Park?

There is only one school in Windsor Great Park and it is a state school.

Sorry, Seeker, only East Sheen!

Idealist, how do you find out the private/state split in your area?

State Vs private aside, I think sending some siblings to state and others to private leads to all sorts of conflict.

I had two friends with siblings in private school and they were very hurt by their parents decision. (I was the thick one anyway... and I was the girl)

Unless SN's and no other option I would send all of nothing to state (mind I would send them to state no matter what)

and we live in an area with pretty shit state schools (manchester), but i would prefer my kids to be better able to deal with life than so many of my friends that went through private can. (not all of them but so many have an inability to mix with 'normal' people).