Would you do it...?

[misspollysdolly]

DD goes to a private school. Fees paid (to 18) by the local authority from which we adopted her 5 years ago (- long story, not overly relevant here). We have gone on to have two birth DSs aged 3 (July baby, starting school next Sept ) and 10 months (three school years behind that).

Always thought it impossible that they would join her at her school because of the fees and not sufficient salary! We live in a pretty rough inner city area, schools pretty crappy, applying for LEA place for DS1 has been stressful enough. DD's headteacher, on realising our intention not to send the boys to her school urged us to apply for a bursary/subsidised place.

Just heard back that they will pay for 50% of the fees meaning it will be just under £300 per boy per month basically. That is pretty much what I earn (£700 per month) and at the mo has been fairly much surplus/savable. So kind of do-able BUT would have to be sustained over quite a long period of time...would you be sensible and just find the best possible state school or take the plunge, keep nose to grind stone and pay for a pretty good education and school experience...?!

Everything in me says yes, except for the financial pressure to keep them there and having hardly any spare cash to play with. Plus, it's the extra things (uniform, trips, compulsary school dinners etc that tend to make a big difference)

I would be looking to cover their primary years...there is a very good state faith school here that I had always assumed they would go to, because of our church involvement, etc.

Have you had a chance to look at all the schools in your area? We had always assumed our DS would go to the faith school not far from us but when we actually went & looked we ended up choosing the local school as it was a better fit for him. Sometimes what you hear or think about a school might not be the reality.
Also if you do go private you are looking at 50% fees for one DS for 3 years before having to commit to the other half of your salary. A lot can change in that time.
It is a big pressure but if the state schools are that bad maybe it's worth the investment. Good luck

I wouldn't. I'd send them to the church school and use your wages for the family holidays and treats.

i would pay and send them to the same school. i would love to be able to afford private education for my ds's.
also means they are all the same, not one getting a private education and the others not.

i think that if you went for state school and were not absolutely 100% happy you'd really regret it. that's not to say you couldn't change them over to the other one. but personally I would just do it

Thanks for your thoughts...
Am I alone in finding a school really stressful?!...it's been a really stressful process! Not helped by our first choice (first preference) of state school that we applied for is set to close in two years time...! Only found out since application went in, otherwise I would have been happy with them at different schools. This way is really costly but would at least mean they are all at the same place and there will be minimal comparing between schools.

My gut feeling is to go with it until secondary school age (which is where the faith school comes in - it's a secondary school). Have now had a chance to chat with DH and show him the letter we got today. We are going to contact the finance department of the school to get a definitive quote of what the monthly amount would be and then we will make a decision.

You're not alone! We have a lower, middle & upper system & have just submitted application for middle school next Sept. We were so stressed choosing a school! Went to every open evening, talked to parents we know, read Ofsted reports etc. Ending up making pros & cons list - not looking forward to doing it again in 4 yrs. Just praying we've made right choice!

Not sure what the fee increases will be going forward but historically they have been 7% or 8% pa so outstripping pay rises,inflation etc. I assume with the credit crunch that this will change. My ds's school has put a freeze on capital projects to ensure fee increases are kept to a minimum.

Everyone has a different opinion on the private v state argument. I went to good state schools but have chosen to send my ds to private school at least for primary (fees are significantly cheaper than when they reach secondary school age). For me it was the wraparound care they offered and the inspirational head teacher. Small classes and facilities are a boon too.

The other thing to factor in is the LEA nursery funding you will get for some or all of reception year. My ds is summer born so I have got 3 terms of nursery funding. Also I am able to use childcare vouchers (the govt scheme where you can use up to £243/mth tax free towards childcare costs) up until my ds is 5. Means year 1 costs will be a bit of a shock but it all helps.

I did a spreadsheet covering all of the primary years plus estimated annual increases. It helps to see it in black and white. Of course there are additional costs to factor in but at least for my ds's school his uniform was cheaper than my local state primary and of course most private schools have very good second hand uniform sales.

Me and my two sisters were put through excellent private schools by parents who could barely afford it. The problem is that once you are in the private system there is a lot of scare-mongering about state schools and the decision to pull kids out gets harder.

I also think it's a lot of pressure on a family when parents are struggling to afford fees. I was certainly very aware of it growing up and now can't help but wonder if the benefits small classes etc truly outweighed the stresses that long-term thriftiness created in our family life.

It's a really tough decision. Good luck.

That's a really valid point, Maria33, thanks. I guess ultimately that's what I'm trying to grapple with. Plus I have always thought I'd like another baby, which of course adds a whole other set of fees into the mix...It is a really tough decision and I don't really know the answer...still thinking, lots...

Also, has anyoine out there done the private primary, state secondary route...? I know lots who have done the other way round, but less commonly heard about this way...?

My sister went private primary and then to state secondary worst decision of her life. She couldn't cope with the biger classes scoll culture it was such a shock for her. I did state all the way through (parents ran out of money!)but had a much better time

sorry mis types bigger and school oops!

I think it depends on the child. I went to a private primary then parents divorced & went to local state school half way through the first year at senior school. happymostofthetime is right it is a culture shock but you do adjust. All depends on the state school you go to & if you make friends quickly.
It's a difficult one. Good luck.

It's a tough one. With an adopted child/birth children scenario I think I would be keen to minimise differences between them so my gut instinct would be to have them all at the same school if at all possible. Only you can tell though the impact that will have on your family life and if it's worth it.

All three of mine now go private. The original intention was private for high school (currently DS1), but local public for primary (DS2 and DD), however when DS1 started at the school it was clear that it was SO much better than the public schools that making a different choice for the younger two felt very much like second best. Luckily they give huge sibling discounts!

I'm expecting/hoping that my ds will get in to state grammar at 11 so only private school for primary years. I dithered about state v private at primary level and ended up choosing private as it was better suited to my childcare needs (wrap around care and holiday club). I had originally planned for state primary and private secondary if my ds didn't pass the 11+. The theory amongst my friends who also chose private primary was if children do not develop a love of learning in primary school it was a bit late to try and get them interested at secondary, ie by doing state followed by private you would simply be throwing your money away.

Although we are in catchment for an excellent grammar (next county) our catchment state school doesn't teach for 11+ and actively discourages parents from submitting their children. As our local state secondary schools are dreadful I will have to pay for private secondary school if my ds fails 11+.

MollieO - that's exactly what my feeling is - the love of learning and ability to learn well and independently is so so so important and happens at primary level. Only then can they effectively learn at secondary and further levels, I think anyway.

With regards to the culture shock thing, I take the issue into account certainly, but I grew up in a very rural area. One primary school choice - state - with less than 150 students in total, and then went to a state comprehensive school with 1500 students. There were some kids at that school who went to miniscule primaries with 40 chdn (total!!)...so I guess it's not just private to state where that could occur. I think secondary school is a massive shock wherever you go, but I do hear what you are saying about the differences private-state.

Also will take into account the minimising of adoption/birth differences as this is already something of a pre-occupation for me certainly. DD would be SO chuffed if the boys did join her - we've always been fairly clear with her that we would need to find them the right school (without going into massive detail about money).