Should kids be happy at school? Should they enjoy going? Or should they accept that they have to go?

[jollyholly]

Dh and I have different opinions on this.

I remember absolutely loving primary school, worshiping my teachers, couldn't wait to get there in the mornings. DH however, says he hated school all the way through, but accepted that he had to go.

DD1 isn't enjoying school at the moment. I want to look for another school for her - I feel that primary should be an enjoyable experience, an enriching time when you develop not only academically but socially and emotionally too. DH thinks that she's just got to put up with it, you have to go to school, end of.

What's your opinion?

niecie they don't have to go to school. there are other options.

I would say move her. I spent 7 years at a school I hated a) because it was outstanding academically and b) because it was my mother's old school. I had no friends, haven't seen anyone from that school since I left, buried myself in my studies and practically had a nervous breakdown. Admittedly that was secondary, but I think had it been primary it would have ruined school for me totally. As it was I loved primary and have fantastic memories of my school and the teachers who really made me want to learn, which made getting through secondary bearable. I don't think I'd have been able to rationalise "I have to get through this" at 8, whereas at 12 when I figured out I really hated it, it wasn't just first year and nothing was going to change I was better able to look at things pragmatically.

It's amazing what an effect the social side of school can have on you. School isn't just about education - it should give you confidence in yourself, skills beyond reading, writing and counting, friends and FUN!

They should definitely only go to school if they are happy there and enjoy going. Otherwise it's a huge portion of your childhood which you hate, which is awful IMO. Biased ex-home-educated child here though!

Obviously there will be the occasional day when she just doesn't feel like it, but it shouldn't be every day.

They should love school at that age, it is not something to put up with-I would look at alternatives.

School should be enjoyable. Some kids don't like school and you need to find out if there is a reason why. When you find a reason why it's not enjoybale, address it.

If the child just wants to laze about all day with mum doing what he wants, then it's time to say 'tough, you have to go'.

Oh heavens, this is a bad thread for me read. I have a huge problem lately with how much DS1 hates school, but moving him isn't realistic.

DS2, reception: finds school ok, enjoys socialising and learning to read.
DD, Y2: loves school, though misses me.
DS1, Y4: HATES school.

I can't realisticly home-ed or take DS1 to another school, which I expect he'd dislike just as much, anyway. He hates some of the topic work, he finds literacy quite dull, too.

So, as usual, easy to answer the OP's question if you've just one child, impossible with multiple DC. If I were OP I'd probably move, too, because it's only one child to worry about.

Last summer I persevered with my ds who was crying every night and every morning for months. Long story short we moved him in September. He loves school.

My and my dh had similar conversations to the OP. If you have a school in mind where you think your child would be happier (even if you can't entirely rationalise why) trust your instinct... I think instincts are good when it comes to kids. Rationalisation can lead to all sorts of Gina Fordish dodgy practices.

Hey why didn't strike out work?

Oh, I tried two words.

I meant Gina Fordish

Yes, school should be an enjoyable place to be. Children spend a considerable amount of their lifetime there and it therefore has a part in shaping them into the person they become...

Education is not just about academia and getting a decent job at the end but is important for quality of life generally, imo.

I think it depends on what one means by enjoy/hate.

It is perfectly possible even with a job one loves, to not want to get up in the morning, to occasionally look forward to the weekend and to go through patches where you find yourself struggling. The same can happen with children and if you have a dramatically inclined child (I do!) you are likely to hear a lot about it.

What a good job (or a good school) should not do is to drag you down permanently, make you feel there is no point, take all sparkle out of your life.

This is something different from early morning hysterics about a missing piece of homework or a falling out with your best friend or a temporary misunderstanding with a teacher. It is when there is no fun at all to be had at school, when the child never comes out skipping with excitement, when you never feel that their mind is being expanded, when school is not adding anything. If this is happening, then I do feel it is time to look elsewhere.

Very well put cory.

Thank you everyone. A lot to think about.

I'd also say it's important to be happy. Of course you'll get days where they don't want to go in but by and large I think school should be a good experience. I think I'd be very worried if my kids seemed to be genuinely unhappy. Just a thought - is it possible she's being bullied? Sometimes kids don't feel able to talk about stuff like this. Of course, maybe that's nothing to do with it at all but it just occurred to me when I was reading.

Thanks fairywave, I don't think she's being bullied, I have asked her in a variety of different ways but there's nothing coming out. I just think it's that it's such a small school, there are only three girls including her in yr 3 and the other two sit on another table, so she sits with 5 boys. So the other two girls are close, and she's the odd one out. It's not really possible for her to move either - the other two work at a different level to the other yr 3's. So short of another yr 3 girl, who is just like dd1 joining the school, I don't think there's much that's going to improve it for her. (She's working on it though - I heard her talking to her Brownie friend tonight suggesting that she talk to her parents about changing to dd's school )

I like her initiative
Hopefully it's not bullying - my DD ended up being the only girl in her class in her last year of primary. She found it really hard for a while until we talked to her teacher and she pretty much sorted it out so that DD was happy again. Does sound hard though, I hope things improve or you can come up with some solution.

Have not read the whole thread, but wholeheartedly believe children should be happy at school and eager to go. So far we have been lucky both in nursery and in schools ( two so far) that both boys have enjoyed and been enthusiastic and looked forward to going - not every day, but genreally, with just some 'off' days and odd 'crises' with friends/teachers.
If one of them had been unhappy, and it seemed to be the school cultture or dynamic - eg too pushy/academic/ inbalance of sexes or abilities or aspirations we would have moved them without a doubt. (This is coloured by the fact that I once spent a year in a job I hated, and now I wonder - WHY???? what a waste1)I don't want my children (or anyone elses!) to waste their precious and irreplaceable years of childhood in the wrong place, when a different school would be more suitable.