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Original poster

Should kids be happy at school? Should they enjoy going? Or should they accept that they have to go?

42 replies

jollyholly · 04/12/2008 22:17

Dh and I have different opinions on this.

I remember absolutely loving primary school, worshiping my teachers, couldn't wait to get there in the mornings. DH however, says he hated school all the way through, but accepted that he had to go.

DD1 isn't enjoying school at the moment. I want to look for another school for her - I feel that primary should be an enjoyable experience, an enriching time when you develop not only academically but socially and emotionally too. DH thinks that she's just got to put up with it, you have to go to school, end of.

What's your opinion?

OP posts:
harpomarx · 04/12/2008 22:21

I think I was somewhere in the middle. Don't remember hating it, but mum says I was always trying to get out of school. I don't have any bad memories of school, had some good friends and must have got something out of it because I am ridiculously over-educated now...

I remember being bored at secondary school during subjects I didn't like.

stealthsquiggle · 04/12/2008 22:23

Gut reaction to your thread title and unfiltered - they should basically enjoy it and want to go most days, but accept that on the occasional day when you don't feel like it you have to go anyway.

MollieO · 04/12/2008 22:25

I think it is so important for them to enjoy school. They are going to spend 13 or 14 years there after all. Imagine having a job you hate and being told you have to stay there for at least 6 or 7 years (covers primary)? You wouldn't stick it so why should we expect our children to? Just because your DH had a horrible time at school doesn't mean he should be inflicting that on his children too!

Primary is key for children to develop a love of learning. If they spend years hating it then what is going to happen when they get to secondary school?

stealthsquiggle · 04/12/2008 22:25

Mindyou, my DM taught at our primary school, so if we were 'ill' (i.e. not very) we would get taken to school and left to sleep outside on the drive in our camper van - 9 times out of 10 you were so bored by 11am that you got up and went into school

pinkteddy · 04/12/2008 22:26

How old is she? Has she ever enjoyed school? Can you pin down what is making her unhappy?

I agree with you that primary should be an enjoyable experience but if she is already in year 4 or year 5 it might be more disrupting to move her now than stick it out.

Original poster
jollyholly · 04/12/2008 22:46

Thanks for your replies. She loved the infants - the problem has come since she's gone up to the juniors last september. (She'e 8 btw). It's a very small school, and she says she hasn't got any friends (which I can believe - there's only 3 girls in her year and she's very different to the other 2). She started Brownies a few months ago, and she's got some good friends there - she says why can't school be like Brownies?

OP posts:
stealthsquiggle · 04/12/2008 22:53

Where are the rest of her brownie pack at school? Being the 'odd one out' of 3 girls in a year is tough and under those circumstances I would definitely look at the options for moving her.

Original poster
jollyholly · 04/12/2008 22:55

The other girls at Brownies are all older than her, so if we moved her to their school she wouldn't be in the same class.

It's so hard, isn't it? You don't know whether you'd be going out of the frying pan...

OP posts:
stealthsquiggle · 04/12/2008 23:03

5 or more girls in a year would be a good start - it's worth a look at least.

DS's headmistress has moved heaven and earth to get his year out of the situation of having 3 girls in the year. Your DH is not understanding quite how hard that can be. You need to at least look at all other viable options, IMHO.

harpomarx · 04/12/2008 23:13

ok, that sounds different to my experience - there seems to be a good reason for her not enjoying school. My school was small but not as small as that and it must be tough if she doesn't have good friends there. Would have a look at the other school just to get a feel and also talk to someone at her present school to see if they have any suggestions.

onwardandoutward · 04/12/2008 23:19

yes, yes and no to your 3 questions.

But I'm one of those rabid home educators who wouldn't send her child(ren) to school if they didn't want to go.

PortAndStilton · 04/12/2008 23:22

What stealthsquiggle said.

daffodill6 · 04/12/2008 23:29

I moved dd at easter of year 3 from a v well performimg school after much serious thought. She had been becoming increasingly unhappy because of her peer group in her small school.

Basically because they were too small to have 2 classes per year group, they merged years 3&4 and 5&6. DD ended up being 1 of 6 very cliquey (IFYWIM) girls in her year in a class in which she had already found it very hard to settle.

The change in her was immediate - and huge. Much happier and interestingly,bedwetting which was admittedly growing less, totally ceased. I'm really glad I moved her to a slightly larger school with as it will hopefully help in her move to an even larger secondary school.

solidgoldbrass · 04/12/2008 23:37

Depends where the child falls on the scale between 'being seriously and persistently bullied by either classmates or teachers' and 'would rather just stay at home and watch CITV all day'

plumandolive · 05/12/2008 08:19

I think sometimes they have to realise that it can involve an effort. If it's really nice at home, and you're that kind of child, the effort involved in fitting into a difficult and/or cliquey group can be enormous.
She's still quite young, , but if she doesn't fit into the group now, it may be harder as she gets older and higher up the school.

I would consider moving to a larger school- small schools often have this problem.

Anna8888 · 05/12/2008 08:21

I think that, as a society, we ought to focus on happiness more and on duty less.

School ought to be an enjoyable experience - humans love to learn (just look at how far we have come ) and school is a wonderful gift society provides for children.

flippityjibbet · 05/12/2008 08:48

agree anna8888

I moved my son from his very small school just before the junior class.
the school was ok, but bland imo and too small, it was very boy heavy and he was very popular but I didn't feel there was enough children there to inspire him, at the time there was one boy and one girl in year 6, I felt that he was already 'in charge' at the school of about 36 at aged 7! The school is 'outstanding' according to ofstead, but my gut reaction told me absolutly everything I needed to know when I looked at other schools.
I moved him to a school with 80 children, it had an amazing atmosphere and I asked a lot of questions.
He started there at the beginning of te new school year in year 3, having just turned 8. I walked in to the chassroom with him on his first trial at the end of the last term and his big confident stride and voice turned into a squeaky little mouse. I was so upset to be 'doing' this to him, but...
he has been there just over a year and there have been countless opprtunities that have shown me that it was the right decision, I am thrilled. as is he.
he LOVES school now, where as before he enjoyed the boys in the playground but nothing else.

sorry so long!

I think move her!

Anna8888 · 05/12/2008 08:52

If my daughter was not happy at school, I would definitely look for an alternative.

As it is, I chose her school carefully - it meets her particular social/cultural/educational background very well indeed. And, as it is a very large school (three parallel classes in pre-school and five parallel classes in primary), there are a range of class teachers to choose between (and the school doesn't mind parents asking for a particular class teacher for their child one little bit). So it really is quite easy to manoeuvre one's child into the set of circumstances that is right for him/her.

lindenlass · 05/12/2008 09:23

Absolutely children should be happy in school! Why is she there? I'm guessing it's to learn and make friends. Can you imagine being able to do either of those things if you're really unhappy?

It's only worth keeping her there if you're primary reason for sending her to school is to make sure she's used to not enjoying most of her life...and I'm guessing that's not your plan for her childhood?

Litchick · 05/12/2008 09:40

Of course school ought to be fun.
If you're not having fun at 8 then life is going to be pretty blooody depressing.
I recently went to an open day for a not highly selctive indie school that gets fab results and the Head said it was because above all else she wanted the DCs to be happy. Everything else follows that.
School is for a lot of hours for a lot of days, in kids terms. Imagine you being unhappy in a full time job. It's the same thing.
Would you stay?

peacelily · 05/12/2008 09:46

Yes she must be happy at school! being unhappy at school can have a lasting effect on your emotional well-being and your ability for form and sustain friendships and social relationships.

I HATED school although was clever and got good grades, I won't say what I think about most of the other children I went to school with on here. Luckily (I am a first child) my parents spotted the same difficluties with my sister before any damage was done and moved her she was sooo happy and remains better and more competent at socila life than me to this day!

Don't let this happen to your dd please move her!

Niecie · 05/12/2008 10:05

I think on the whole I agree with your DH - you have to go to school and it is good if you like it but if you don't then you are just going to have to put up with it.

Some children just don't like school and no matter where you move them they aren't going to like it so you better off staying where you are, so long as the school is a good one and they are learning and safe from bullies.

BUT... your DD's school is tiny and obviously it is not big enough to provide opportunties for improvement - the headteacher can't magic extra girls out of nowhere. If it is something that can be fixed by moving school then I think you should do it.

Have you asked her? Would she want to move if the opportunity arose or would she rather stay where she is?

OrmIrian · 05/12/2008 10:13

It should be enjoyable on the whole (or at least not horrible) but it's not unreasonable to have the odd wobble.

Can you find out what the problem is for her. It might be the particular teacher, or perhaps a problem with another child, or beleive it or not even a nasty dinner lady. In yr2 my DD got very upset over one dinner lady that was constantly bossing her about and shouting at all the children. DD is a very 'good' little girl and it really bothered her. It coloured the whole day for her. It would be worth trying to fix the problem before moving her.

stealthsquiggle · 05/12/2008 10:20

3 girls in a year group is a recipe for disaster IMHO and your DD is getting the rough end of it.

What does the head say about it? They must be aware that it is an issue.

This is not something to just 'put up with' - if she gets put off school at this stage she will never get that enthusiasm back.

ggirlsbells · 05/12/2008 11:41

I think primary school should be enjoyable and all about making friends and really wanting to go and learn.
My ds is in yr one and absolutely adores school,is in love with his teacher and talks about his little friends all the time.
Every child deserves to enjoy their schooling.

I would move her..she needs friends at school.