Can you PLEASE tell me what YOU would do in this situation! ...

[EnchantedwithEdwardCullen]

I'll try to keep it short ...

DS1 is a sensitive child, not good with change but very clever.

In January he was 3.2 years and we decided to send him to nursery (just to socialise, I'm a SAHM) to try and make him a bit more out going.

We got him a place at my old school, a catholic school which I think are quite, ermmm, well uptight maybe? strict? I don't know, just not that relaxed.

He had to wear a full uniform with tie and hated it, spent every moment crying.

It lasted 3 days, I refused to put him through it.

We got him a place at our surestart centre and although it was rocky for the first few week he is great there now!

The staff love him, he loves them, its 'play led' he makes descisions, comes home with paintings, box-robots! all sorts!

Hes been there about 3 months now

Thing is he is 4 in a few weeks.

The playgroup have asked me if he is going to school in January or easter.

I have said no.

Whilst I feel the surestart centre is where he is happy NOW, im not sure if Im making it worse.

He only goes 2 hours a day and just plays.

If I keep him there as long as I can he will be starting full time reception come september next year.

and to go form 2 hours of relaxed play to full time reception, uniform, numbers etc in one go.... will that be good for him?

On the other hand i really want to keep him happy and he is at playgroup!

Im also worried he will be behind.

Not because he is not clever, but because at the school nursery they do numbers, start to write, ABC's and things but nothing like tha is done at playgroup.

So what would you do come January?

Keep him at 2 hour playgroup and then school reception in sept?

Or just send him to school nursery in jan?

home educate him. Thats what i'd do.

I would keep him where he is.

I don't think I could, I'm not organised enough ... and he has changed so much, very positivly, since he has been put in the nursery situation, hes alot better with changes and he talks about his ffriends. He used to lash out alot but he has learnt boundries there, we have had a few reprts of HIM being hit and he has just gone and told the staff rather than hitting back, which i think is brilliant, I wouldn't want to take that socialisation away from him now he has it and enjoys it so!

if he is only just turning 4 then no I wouldn't send him to school in January.
weird. why would you?

surely his start date is September 09?

If the school didn't suit him at 3 I'd seriously question if it's going to be right for him at rising five. What I would do is look at other school options and then identify a) how to get him in to the school that will suit him and b) how to prepare him for it, i.e. is there a preschool attached to the school he can attend? Try to get him in for a couple of sessions a week on top of the playgroup. Gradually switch to more preschool, less playgroup.

We're not really there yet ourselves though so it's all a bit theoretical.

Yes, keep him where he is.
I did and it worked out fine.

I dont think that i agree about your views on reception activities, uniform yes but this was a huge exciting thing (no ties i have to admit, just polo shirt, sweat shirt and trousers...posh new shoes which lit up, my ds was over the moon with his uniform!)
Reception was very play orientated for my ds, he too came home with all kinds of erm...stuff(!)
And was gradually introduced to the routine of school,.
he went to school with loads of children from playschool as it was attached to the school,that was a HUGE bonus.
He was 4 in the July as he started in the Sept, so very young.
Tisnt as bad as you think, but September would be perfect i think.

Is there no opportunity to build up hours? That is what I did as my ds's school was full time hours from the start. A lot of schools do half days until October half term or Christmas as a way of settling children in and of course lots of children come from the usual state nurseries with 2.5 hrs a day.

I also wouldn't worry about what he knows or doesn't know. He will have long enough at school to learn all that.

As for behaviour/socialisation it sounds as if he is doing well although however you manage it there is a leap from nursery to reception to overcome.

Do you have a choice when to start school? We didn't in our LEA. My ds being summer birthday would have started straight into year 1 so we chose private to have a reception year.

Keep him where he is, definitely. Sounds like he's thriving there. And have a look round a few schools and ensure that you apply to one with a good play-focused reception, too. I wouldn't automatically go for the one he didn't like before, even if he is more mature and it is your old school. Putting nursery children in ties is utterly ludicrous, imo.

Keep him where he is. He will NOT miss out academically. Children of this age learn best through play. The most important thing is that he is happy and thriving in a social setting. He has years ahead of him to learn his abc's!

the school nursery may be fully booked up by now though so the decision may not need to be made.

Wow!
I'm not sure you should be so worried Enchanted.

Your 3 year old son is gone and the boy who'll be off to school will be nearly 5.

Children learn and change so much between those ages it may be wrong to second guess how he'll feel.

Sure he had a bad experience but that's not to say he won't find school and the uniform bit thrilling especially if you present in a lovely way.

I think you also shouldn't fear being behind. (In scandanavian countries children don't start formerly learning till 7 and the world doesn't refer to them as the thick nordic types .)
I know obviously, you're concerned about him being behind relative to his peers but maybe you should contact the school and find out what they'd like your child to know on arrival as some school actively discourage you trying to teach your child to read or write as 'unlearning' mistakes is much, much harder work than beginning with a clean sheet. Schools usually want very basic skiils like being able to listen for 5 minutes to someone telling them a story (for example).

I really think you'll figure it out as you are thinking about it now. There's quite a lot of good advice here that I didn't want to re-iterate.

(just one thing, I think to home school is to miss the point of school (i.e. it's not just about academics but also social skills) it may be something you look at but I think it may be a mistake to make it your first option. (Sorry to be controversial, I'm not trying to get any backs up honest!)

I have a shy child who doesn't like change. She's now 3.4 and with a CM - no playgroup or preschool. You can't be constantly preparing them for school or it would start in the womb. A lot happens, developmentally between 3 and 4 and so on. Personally I am in no rush to get dd into a formal school type setting - I think next Sep is soon enough.

As for numbers etc, they don't do much at preschool or even in reception really. If you are concerned you could easily prepare him at home.

Don't understand this why they think he is supposed to start school in January or Easter. Unless it's private he won't be able to start until next September

If he is 4 this term and lived in Bucks then there are some state schools where they start in reception as soon as they are 4.

I would keep him at playgroup where he is happy until September and then let him start reception. He will be that little bit older and probably find it easier to cope. Most children I know have gone from a couple of hours at playgroup straight into reception and been fine.

I would keep him where he is now and look around for different schools for when he is 5yrs. Avoid any that are too formal and strict.

Its a nursery attatched to the school, but functions very much the same, uniform etc...

Theres only 2 schools he could go to in September, we don't drive so have to be able to walk him there.

The first is the catholic school, VERY good OFSTED reports but strict.

The other is a bit closer but I wouldn't want him to go there, its too relaxed, alot of the kids round here who are from the very rough families go there, please don't take that wrong, I just mean alot of the kids are very 'fighty and sweary' and are the children in our street I wouldn't want him to play with because of the way they act ... ways that their parents find acceptable, but we don't.

I think he will stay where he is until september

Thanks for the views

I wouldn't be worried about him falling behind academically but he may find it hard socially if he is one of only a few children in reception who has not been at the nursery. He was only at the nursery for 3 days which is no where near long enough to judge what he didn't like about it. My ds is in reception at a 'strict' Catholic school with a uniform and an excellent Ofsted and he does loads of junk models and painting. Just because your ds didn't come home with a box robot in the first 3 days doesn't mean that he never would. If he went to nursery at Easter then he would have a term to make friends with some of the other children, get used to the school and the uniform before he starts full days.

My dd is at a very play based, child led, exploratory sort of nursery. It's wonderful and she'll stay there until the last possible minute!!!!

She'll leave in July and start school in September when shes 4yrs 9months.

The school policy is for the older children to go full time after 2 weeks. However, if I feel dd isn't coping with full time, I will request that she continues going part time until the first half term at least.

EdwardCullen - Once you have accepted the school place, they cannot stop you sending your child part time only. They will complain loudly, of course, and will tell you that your child is missing out socially, falling behind academically etc. etc. etc. However, if you feel it is better for your child to be going part time for a little longer, then stick to your guns!