What would you make of the statement , Anyone can afford for one child to go to private school, it's wether they choose to or not !

[mummyloveslucy]

Hi, my daughter is in a nursery attached to a private school. I've made friends with one of the mums and we meet up etc, our husbands went to school together too.
Recently she came out with the statement when talking about the school fees, that anyone can afford one child to go to private school, it's wether they choose to make the sacrifices though. She said it's much harder for her as she has two. I only have one child and I'm probubly going to have to take her out after nursery and put her in to a state primary.
I really don't agree with this comment and especially now when every 11 seconds someone has there home re-posesed.
She comes from a wealthy family and her husband has his own buisness so she probubly dosn't have much of a clue. I just don't want her to think that of us, if we have to take our daughter out. We would move heven and earth for her to stay, as she is so happy and it's fantastic for for her.
I don't feel I know her well enough to challenge that comment but at the same time I want to let her know that this simply isn't the case.

Why do you care what she thinks? She is talking absolute rubbish anyway, as you obviously know!

I think it sounds like a desperate attempt to fire up the predictable nastiness that gets generated every time state vs private gets raised in massively stereotypical ways

It's complete twaddle on a par with Selina Scott's infamous "every woman has a Jean Muir dress" comment. But you know that already.

Of course she is talking rubbish. I could afford to send ds to private school if we lived on the streets and ate out of bins. Is that what she means by choice?

Some schools have means tested bursaries that are designed to allow this - although I think that they do expect quite a lot of sacrifices to be made...

Some people do not live in the real world!

silly cow

I'd think "I'm glad I have some idea about how the real world works, not living on cloud-cuckoo land like some people"

I do know of a single mother cleaning woman who sent her child to private school so theoretically yes. Sounds like she was just being a bitch though.

Comprehensive schooling sounds like a good enough, socially responsible idea to be proud of though. Maybe take the moral high ground if she does it again?

Anyway, I thought you'd decided the lovely local school would be much the better place for your daughter? Even if you could afford private by living off what you could find in bins, that wouldn't automatically mean it would be better for her.

If you are currently a SAHM, and your DHs salary covers the mortgage and general living she may be thinking that you could possibly go out to work and earn enough to cover one set of fees.

However it is not anyones place to suggest that others should pay fees. Maybe she is worried that your DD and others will leave after nursery and that the class size won't be as large as she wants for her child.

Private education is a long term commitment and so even if one can afford say £8000 for one academic years fees you have to know you will be able to afford it every year. Whereas if one is spending money on a holiday or home improvement you are not committed to spending every year.

If you have seen a primary school you like stick to your guns and move your daughter to the primary school..she will probably do really well. If she doesn't the chances are you will be able to get her back into the private system at primary level.

It sounds as though this lady is trying to put pressure on you to stay which she has no right to do.

If your dd and her dd get on well you could still arrange for the girls to meet up at weekends or after school.

Crap.

Anyway what's the point of being able to afford to send 'one child' to private school if you happen to have 3

If she says anything similar again, just laugh out loud - she's talking complete nonsense and needs someone to make that clear to her.

TBH what she said is not really the point. As you say she probably has no real life experience of the kind of restriction on funds that makes buying a newspaper a huge luxury.

But you should be foicussing more on your reaction to it. You are not cross with her. You are worried that if she believes this then she will think badly of you.

That is odd tbh. You know the truth of your finances. You should not be affected by the opinion of someone who does not. And you certainly should not be worried about how someone else reagrds you based on their own faulty assumptions.

You absoloutely should ignore. She said something silly and thoughtless. If she is a nice person then forgive her. If she isn't then ignore her.
But take yourself out of the equation . What she said was not about you.

Do not let this person make you feel guilty about your decision. You are right to plan carefully for your dd's future. It can't be much fun for those children who are taken out of independent schools at age 6 or 7, because their parents are stuggling. Most children are educated at state schools, mine certainly are. If you are in the situation of almost or just about being able to afford school fees, then you will be able to arrange plenty of extra-curricular activities.

Do not feel anxious about moving to the state sector

Quite right pagwatch.

I also agree with OrmIrian, you need to plan in case you have another baby. Second babies are sometimes a surprise bundle.

Message withdrawn

MLL - I've seen some of your threads about this and know that this woman has simply hit a sore spot for you.
You definitely need to stop worrying about the fact that you can't afford to pay for independent school. You are in the same position as the vast majority of parents in the world.
Relax. Am sure the school you've chosen will be great.

Yes, you have written before about the dilemma facing your child and if I remember rightly your DD is at the same private school you attended.

Well, I am afraid this is the sort of attitude that some privately educated people have. They simply have absolutely NO IDEA of the world that the vast majority of people live in, and this could be used as an argument against educating privately.

However, I would imagine you are on a hiding to nothing with this person. She may not even be being malicious or nasty, she just lives in another world. Unfortunately, I doubt that you will be able to convince her as to the reality of your situation as presumably you don't fit the stereotype that she imagines occupies the state system.

She obviously still has enough disposable income or cpaital to fund hers or perhaps wealthy grandparents.

Of course you need more to fund two than just one. You are looking at probably from £8k+ per year gross income to fund at preprep age and £12k+ prep and way beyond at secondary. Since the average UK gross income is around £35k, it doesn't take much maths to show how little would be left over from the average household to pay living costs etc let alone a below average one.

She needs a reality check but I suspect she isn't as naive as she'd like you to think. If she sneers at your plans to remove your dd, for the good of her and your family unit, then she is no friend and you will find more sympathetic ones elsewhere. Haven't you had to apply for the State school yet, I thought the deadline was imminent.

I do go to work. at the moment I work two nights a week, as she's in nursery. If she went to the juniors I'd have to work 3-4 nights a week. This would make me like a walking zombie for the rest of the time. We are also trying for another baby.
It's true I know she's talking rubbish, but didn't want her to think We were being selfish for not sending her.

But mummy
(listen hard, ears open, this is important !)

it doesn't matter what she thinks.

It is absoloutely true I promise you.
The only thing you should consider is not what she thinks of you but probably how very rarely.

Yes, I've applied for a place for her at a state primary. I'll know in December wether she's been accepted.

I would think 'Bollocks'.