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Original poster

A relative has offred to pay for my children to be privatley educated but DP unsure

74 replies

Thomcat · 15/10/2008 14:41

I'm all for it. I think it's a wonderful gift and one I don't feel I have the right to refuse my children. The relative is the children's grandfather.

My DP is unsure though, but not putting into words terribly well why.

One of his concerns is that he's worried that as we as the parents are not the ones that can afford to send them there they will not be as well off as the other children and won't fit in as well. They will be the children who could be perceived as the least well-off children.

Our eldest goes to the local state school, the local catholic state school and he thinks that catholic education is the best. He went to a catholic school. However although I go to church, now and then, we're not really good catholic parents and I've never felt really comfortable with that. However my eldest has additional needs (Down's syndrome) and I do feel that it is the best school for her until secondary level where we'll have to look at a Special Needs school for her.

I went to a shit local state school and didn't do very well at all. I feel nothing but irritation when I think about the school I went to and the terrible teachers and the attitude of the head etc etc

Anyway, don't know why I'm posting this really, maybe looking for a few wise words re our children possibly being perceived as the least well - off. Any implications that may have that I might not have thought of.

DP and I going to visit the school but I want to maybe point out a few positives (other than it's set in 20 acres of green space and has a swimming pool on site etc) about the possibility of DD2 and DD3 going to a local private school over going to the local catholic school.

OP posts:
Original poster
Thomcat · 15/10/2008 15:04

It's my step-father / mother who are saying they will pay.

My step-father is a very calm, frounded, fair, bussinessman who has sat downa nd down the figures and assures me he can cover their education.

He is also planning on speaking to DP's dad to see if he might want to pay into a fund for their education but not sure that will be a goer tbh.

The extras are definiltey something to consider, as is the uniform etc.

My eldest will stay at the local (non-priovate) Catholic shool and her 2 younger sisters are the ones who we are looking at sending to a local private school.

FWIW - the parents I've spoken to whose children go there are just the same as DP and I and it's not something I am personally that concerned about, it's DP who bought that up.

OP posts:
Smittals · 15/10/2008 15:05

I second Compo's post above. You have to make sure the funds will be there for your children's whole school life otherwise they will have to be pulled out at some point (and the debate might be 'are my children being picked on for being ex-private now they are at state school' rather than 'will they be seen as poor'!)

scaryteacher · 15/10/2008 15:05

The kids don't know who pays the fees, and the bursar doesn't tell either. You have to match your dcs to a school, but if my pils had offered to help out with ds's school fees, I'd have been delighted.

Beetroot · 15/10/2008 15:06

God so would I!!!

Eniddo · 15/10/2008 15:08

will he cover private secondary too? for all three? [holy grail emoticon]

if so then go for it

if not then I would think hard about having to leave teh private system to go state at 11 or 13 because you will NOT want to!

Beetroot · 15/10/2008 15:09

Enid - agree - if he cannot cover through to 18 then think about starting later!

Original poster
Thomcat · 15/10/2008 15:09

Just so we're all clear btw, I am very much one for chosing the school to suit the child.

What I've seen of the private school so far I like and think it'll be great for DD2 who I think is a bright and confident, high-spirited, dramatic, loud, strong 2.5 year old girl. Not sure about DD3 yet, she's far too young still (just turned 1)

It's DP that is unsure but not articulating why teribly well.

We need to go and visit the school and have a chat to teachers and still lots of thinking to do.

Just wanted to thrash out a few things with people that have views on private education etc before going there and so I can run some positives past DP, positives I hadn';t thought of but also wanted to hear about any negatives that I may not be thinking of.

OP posts:
Eniddo · 15/10/2008 15:10

and I am sure he is a good business man but do impress upon him that fees SHOOT up at private school (a friends fees went up 50% in 2 years)

you will not want to have to take them out

Eniddo · 15/10/2008 15:11

your dp probably feels a bit gutted that he isnt providing for them tbh thomcat

Beetroot · 15/10/2008 15:11

work out how much it will cost
talk to the bursar and get a rough estimation for the time they are there.

then let him see it.

Eniddo · 15/10/2008 15:12

"DD2 who I think is a bright and confident, high-spirited, dramatic, loud, strong 2.5 year old girl." just to play devils advocate but those qualities probably mean she would do fantastically well at a state

Original poster
Thomcat · 15/10/2008 15:12

If we put DD2 in at nursey level she has 1 on 25 chance of going to the Junior school. If we go in at junior level we have 1 in 5 chance, or was it 1 in 3????

Stepfather assures me he has done his sums but we are sorting out a date to go over and see those sums and discuss in more detial and thrash out any fears, worries etc.

Everyone has to be committed to this I agree.

OP posts:
rebelmum1 · 15/10/2008 15:13

If the schools good and it's about much more than just grades I'd do it without question. Sending my dd to a private school and would love relatives to chip in!

geekgirl · 15/10/2008 15:15

what are your local state schools like?
If you have great state schools I would do what mp suggested - just think of the opportunities this would open at university level... they could go abroad etc.

Original poster
Thomcat · 15/10/2008 15:15

Enid - oh yes I know, I agree, I just mean that I'm not looking at this school, which happens to be private, thinking she wopn't do well ther, that's all. It was to try and show that I have looked at her personality and the schools in question and can see hwer thriving, probably in both, but as she's quite a bright little thing, and I'm not, I do think she'll do well at the private school, but am not saying she wouldn't do well if she went to the state school.
Blimey, have to watch how you say things don't you on these threads

OP posts:
Eniddo · 15/10/2008 15:15

oh you arent guaranteed a place all the way through? even if they go to nursery?

its not like that down here in sunny darzet

Liffey · 15/10/2008 15:16

ah, maybe he feels it makes his parents look mean! Even though nobody would interpret it that way.

rebelmum1 · 15/10/2008 15:16

What a lovely man to offer to do this, my dad just gave me a hard time about my choice.

AMumInScotland · 15/10/2008 15:17

Hopefully when DP sees the school and gets a feel for it, he may be reassured, or else be able to point out what he's not comfortable with. Many people have an idea what private schools will be like which is nothing like the reality of most of them.

Original poster
Thomcat · 15/10/2008 15:18

No it would appear not Enid. Guess it's a good thing my heart isn;'t set on this aye
The joys of chosing the right school and then finding they can't get in!

OP posts:
Eniddo · 15/10/2008 15:20

god that sounds stressful

go to the open day with dp and let him see the dds skipping around in the sunshine

is it single sex? if so tell him girls do much better in single sex education.

Beetroot · 15/10/2008 15:21

there will be more places available for a while due to the credit crunch -

Eniddo · 15/10/2008 15:23

yy esp here

loads of property developers down here [gleeful emoticon]

Original poster
Thomcat · 15/10/2008 15:23

Yes, it is single sex. No boys school linked to it like with Habs either.

We looked at Habs but I decided I didn't like it, too big, didn't feel right.

And good poiint Beety

Actually don't know why I'm smiling at that.

OP posts:
FioFio · 15/10/2008 15:23

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