A relative has offred to pay for my children to be privatley educated but DP unsure

[Thomcat]

I'm all for it. I think it's a wonderful gift and one I don't feel I have the right to refuse my children. The relative is the children's grandfather.

My DP is unsure though, but not putting into words terribly well why.

One of his concerns is that he's worried that as we as the parents are not the ones that can afford to send them there they will not be as well off as the other children and won't fit in as well. They will be the children who could be perceived as the least well-off children.

Our eldest goes to the local state school, the local catholic state school and he thinks that catholic education is the best. He went to a catholic school. However although I go to church, now and then, we're not really good catholic parents and I've never felt really comfortable with that. However my eldest has additional needs (Down's syndrome) and I do feel that it is the best school for her until secondary level where we'll have to look at a Special Needs school for her.

I went to a shit local state school and didn't do very well at all. I feel nothing but irritation when I think about the school I went to and the terrible teachers and the attitude of the head etc etc

Anyway, don't know why I'm posting this really, maybe looking for a few wise words re our children possibly being perceived as the least well - off. Any implications that may have that I might not have thought of.

DP and I going to visit the school but I want to maybe point out a few positives (other than it's set in 20 acres of green space and has a swimming pool on site etc) about the possibility of DD2 and DD3 going to a local private school over going to the local catholic school.

[rebelmum1]

I think the positives depend on the school but my reasons were predominantly to do with class sizes, philosphy and ethos. The school my dd goes to does tons of activities and when she's older school will go on until 5.30 she'll get to do so much. they believe in kids being kids and they climb trees and have underground dens, they tend to follow a more montessori approach to learning, using drama and self motivated learning. They're interested in the childs individual skills and abilities and helping a child develop those. The school is very homely with it's own dog and cat wondering about. I don't they're all like that though.

[Thomcat]

Fio - I do love a pair of rose-tinted glasses so agree I have to be careful. It's not that I assumne they will be unhappy, it';s just that I went to a shit school and want to make sure I choose carefully when looking at my children's education. I just went to the closest school and that was that. I was desperate to get out and begged my parents to send me to an all girls school but it never happened. Also I chose the local Catholic school for DD1 as I was going to church a lot before I had her, got pregnant, had it in mind as well as a little private school, then she was born and had SN's and I chose the school very much with those SN's in mind. The school I chose, which isn't the nearest school to us, I believe is the best choice for her. I don't necessarily believe it's the best school for DD2

[Thomcat]

That sounds amazing rebelmum, wow.
I love the Montessori approach.

[rebelmum1]

oh and the head is wonderful, really hands on he knows when my dd has had a day off poorly and asks how she is the next day, they care a lot more there because he lives there and it is more of a family atmosphere as some of the children board. It's given me peace of mind.

[rebelmum1]

I was blown away when I went to look around, I'm afraid there was no going back when I saw what was on offer.

[Beetroot]

I loved Habs when I went to see it.
great drama

Sturggle with montessori though - all too ordered for me

ds - was 16 months and we took him to the local one.

he started play acting with the beads that he was meant to be moving form left to right and she wasn't keen on that. His teacher said him not to !!!!

[Beetroot]

actually must have been nearer three

[Beetroot]

is great for extra curricular stuff - most done in school so no running around like mad things.

and they do netball etc from a very young age! They get to travel to different schools to play from age of 7.

[Thomcat]

My step brother &sister went to Habs. I went on open day and perhaps that wasn't the best day to go. It just seemed too big and I didn't get a good feeling from it. Think that's important but it may be worth another look, not on open day.

The school I am considering is so local to me and Habs is that bit further away, which is another consideration imo.

[crumpet]

In terms of fitting in as parents, it will very much depend on the school itself - a parent visiting one near us, when asking about swimming lessons, was told that there wasn't any real need for them as most of the pupils had learnt already in their pools at home (that and the helipad rather put them off...).

Other schools have a large proportion of parents who scrape every penny together to afford the fees and drive v battered cars as a result, or who have help from family, and have a thriving second hand uniform shop.

[willali]

back to the finances issue - the recent stock market hoohaa has resulted in the trust fund that supports my children to lose a lot of value therefore less income to pay fees so we will have to dip in ourselves this year probably to make up the shortfall. Can your step father's funds deal with issues such as this and can you contribute in times of shortage?? WHat would happen if he dies during the girls' education (are there other calls on his estate?) are there other siblings with children who might want/expect the same traetment??

I supppose what I am getting at is that all these issues need to be discussed / thought about before you take the plunge. It is a hell of a financial commitment for 2 children & you don't want to be faced with a difficult decision further down the line to move schools due to the finances drying up. As I said we have support (from a legacy) but have always treated this as "extra" IYSWIM and could afford it if this money wasn't there (we had already been in the private sector some years befor we got the legacy)but if this was our ONLY fund I would think twice - or wait until secondary education to go into the private sector.

[rebelmum1]

I don't think you can ever guatantee finance, I'd just do it.

[Beetroot]

take another look TC
my mates daighter goes andloves the place
senior though

[sunnydelight]

Your kids are being offered a great opportunity. I would go for it, giving profound thanks!

I've now experienced 4 primaries, 4 secondaries and a brief period of home ed with my kids and I would clean toilets if I had to to keep them at the private school they now attend.

[ScottishMummy]

dont look a gifthorse in the mouth.take it.why assume all other pupils will be loaded?

some will
some wont

what a generous oppurtunity

dont dither, do it

[tonton]

I was in this position myself. We felt very uncomfortable about it.
I didn't like the implication (and it was implied that my kids would not do well at a regular school. Luckily (!) it turned out that the releative in question is a repleelent old mysginist and was only offering the deal to boys!

[Spidermama]

Sunnydelight I have tried and I really can't picture you cleaning toilets.

I'm glad you've got them in a good school though.

[jimjamshaslefttheyurt]

I would go for it.

Another advantage is that it can be difficult for siblings to be in the same school as their sibling with significant SN. It shouldn't be like that, but it very often is, for all sorts of reasons. If there's the chance for a good different school I would imagine it could work very well for all concerned.

[Thomcat]

Thanks for all your comments. It's great to be able to thrash things out on here before discussing them out in the real world

I've cut and pasted important bits into a document to print off and go over with DP before we go and visit school/s.

[Litchick]

What a lovely offer.
Assuming, like others have said, you can meet the extras ( mine are always a few hundred more each term )snatch his hands off.
DH and I would love to do this for our DCs children when the time comes - assuming there aren't ten of 'em

[LadySanders]

i was a single mum living in tiny house when ds1 started at his private school (used maintenance payments for schooling instead of housing) and i never felt out of place... as others have said, most private schools wll have kids from all kinds of background...

[Xmasishere]

1. I think DP really need to be in this 100%. There's nothing worse that DP 'not wanting to know anything...' esp when your DC's education is concerned.
   
   
2. Relations between DP and Dear Relative good? It may just be a 'pride' thingy...
   
   
3. Can Dear Relative pay the fees throughout the school years of the child, and not bail out half way through? If answer is Yes then go for it!