to teachers/other school staff how do you sleep at night?

[MrsMertle]

I can't sleep at the moment because I have a little girl in my class who is worrying me. Without going into details she is on the child protection register and so obviously Social Services have a lot of involvment with the family.

I know that the correct procedures are being followed but I find it so upsetting when she comes in every morning starving because she hasn't eaten breakfast, or when she comes in looking dirty, unwashed and a bit smelly(which is most days). The other day I ended up washing her face for her because she had that much sleep in her eyes all her eye lashes were stuck together.

These things are reported back to the headteacher every day who then speaks to the social worker but it is breaking my heart. I just want to take her home with me and look after her properly.

How do you switch off from these things when you go home? I find myself lying there at night thinking about her and hoping she is ok.

you dont
i oft hasv sleeples nights after court

I work in a hospital, its the same.

No i've never been able to either, whether at work (was a kids charity) or whatever.

I'd be sneaking her a croissant (coz its easy to pack, not being snobbis!) and helping her tidy too- poor mite

OMG, how awful

I have been giving her bits in the morning. I always pinch some toast from the brakfast club and she sits and eats it when she gets to school.

She is getting very clingy with me now though, I'm on PPA time but i saw her before and she said "miss are you coming back now" and when I said no she got really upset and started crying.

The worst thing is that there is at least one child like that in my class every year.

She's really lucky to have you!
Keep a note yourself every day "Katie appeared unwashed and there was BO, she said she had "not had any breakfast" and there was "no food" in the house " (word for word what she says). This will make it easier for the SW who is hearing things fromthe headteacher and things can get lost in translation.
Try to enlist someone else so the child is looked after while at school, ie another teacher after break, so all the responsibility/worry is theoretically shared.
As well as passing on the news to the headteacher, tell her how it is affecting you personally and professionally. hth

one a year?

I know, it seems unreal twiglett but unfortunately its true. There are sometimes happy ending though, A boy who was in my class 2 years ago was taken into care but has since been adopted by the loveliest couple who also adopted his 2 sisters

I don't sometimes. Last night I was awake from 4am, night before I was awake 2 - 5am thinking about one of 'ours' - although it's all in hand.

Goes with the territory really, caring about the children.

so sad.....I guess the only consolation you have is knowing that in a small way you are making a difference to her...so you should feel v proud of what you do.xx

I had two like that in my last tutor group in foster care. Although they were well cared for, it was had happened to them before they got to foster care that had me awake at nights as in one case it had ongoing (in school) repercussions.

In my tutor group (Year 11s) before that I had to take one lad's washing home, as he smelled so bad, and but him soap, deodorant etc.

It breaks your heart, but all you can do is be there for them and be grateful your own kids aren't having to live like this.

afetr a really bad sex case( rare luckily) i can reckon on three days of bad sleep patterns

I had cared for boys in my class once, really f*^%$d up by their natural parents. Their little brother was kept under the stairs in a cupboard, unable to talk and soiling himself.
Horrific and it sounds unbelieveable, but I kid you not. The poor little mites were a real source of worry, even though they were then in a fantastic foster home.

I think all you can do is make sure that being at school is a happy positive experience.

I've worked with kids in care for over ten years and, in time, you get tough.
Just keep reporting what you see and do what you do best - make school a good place to be.

For kids like this I think being at school must be the only time that they actually get some love and positive attention.

Some of these children have been through more in their little lives than I have in my 34 years.

Every time i look at this little girls face my heart breaks. You can see the hurt and confusion in her eyes. The thing she loves more than anything is when I tell her she is a pretty princess, her whole face lights up.

I just wish that there was more I can do. I hate letting her out the door at home time. Sometimes I watch this little blonde figue walking away and wonder what the hell she is going to go home to.

This is so sad. I have just been having a chat with a friend who knows children at our DD's school who are also uncared for, with a preant who starts drinking at breakfast and worse later in the day.

I cant belive people would do this to their own children.

two things - a wonderful quote I read once and has always stuck with me (I think it was maybe from Mother Theresa), regarding the work we do with children like this:
"It may be just a drop in the ocean; but it's the right drop, in the right ocean". Whatever you give her, or any other child, is going part of the way to helping.

And the other thing, that I was told as an NQT and thought was harsh and unfeeling at the time but have now come to realise was wise and true:
"You can't solve any of their problems for them and you can't take them away from their problems, however much you want to: but you can hold their hands along the way and you can give them strategies to help themselves, so that when they are older, they have choices."

But sometimes, no, I still can't sleep.

I go to bed thinking about work (I'm an HLTA).
I wake up at night and I think about work. Not stressing, just thinking, about the children, the other weirdos staff. I think about it in the shower.

And when I am at work, I am so incredibly busy I rarely have time to think at all!

I love those quotes!

I didn't know that having counselling was even an option, I 've never heard of it been offered before. I think that all teaching staff should be offered it really. We do anual child protection training but nobody tells you how to handle your own feelings when your in the thick of it all.

Maidamess, I know exactly what you mean about being too busy to think at work. I think thats probably why we all spend sleepless nights worrying about these things

Personally (if it hasn't already happened, I would make sure it is you who speaks directly to social services, not the Head, and that a case conference is scheduled soon which you are invited to. I would not rely on a social worker to have this in hand.

d11 - most schools will have one named person, who deals with child protection issues. Often it is a deputy, rather than the head but normally they wouldn't just let a teacher deal with it, however "close" to the child.

DH police officer, I also work within the CJS (admin role) and we often have sleepless nights.

My dh works in a support role at school - he has to deal with some real shit (literally) over the years.

One of his concerns is (esp when he first started) was being reprimanded for not dealing appropritately with young boys who would cling on to him (physically). He udnerstands why as one of the very few male employees but it's very sad.

He's told me tales which I;m sure you will all be familiar with - the police are regular visitors