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Independant School

20 replies

cherryapple · 30/09/2008 07:11

Hi, our lo is 2.5 and she has got a place at Grimsdell nursery Millhill next year.We are in 2 minds for a lot of different reasons one of which is that we dont live in a big house or have loads of money we can stretch to give her a good education. The thing that worries us is that she will be picked on for not having material things.Does anyone know if there is a lot of snobbery as such at independant schools? Advice would be really appreciated

OP posts:
SqueakyPop · 30/09/2008 07:17

No, she won't. Don't worry about it.

There are plenty of rich kids who don't have much either. Their parents didn't get where they did by squandering their hard earned dosh on tat.

poshtottie · 30/09/2008 07:20

Cherryapple, I think it depends on the school. My ds is due to start at nursery at the local prep and the families are pretty ordinary, I think only one child's family are seriously wealthy and have a nanny.

rubyloopy · 30/09/2008 09:17

Message withdrawn

georgiemum · 30/09/2008 09:25

The best thing is to realise that material things just don't matter. If you can teach your little one this early on then she will be a happier person! There will always be someone with a better car, bigger house, more toys...

When I was growing up we had a big house, holidays, blah blah blah and it meant nothing to me. My best friend lived in a council house, shared a room with 2 siblings and never went abroad - I was jealous of her because her family we so close and always laughing and joking and having fun (ours was a it serious).

Blu · 30/09/2008 09:30

Look at the individual school - and whether you are friends with other families there.

I went to an independent school where there was some slight uncomfrtable awareness amongst un-wealthy kids (me!) - many independent schools are now very 'ordinary' in terms of demography - BUT I know two people who tok children out of two particular independent schools because of social problems to do with wealth and / or snobbery.

LadyMuck · 30/09/2008 09:40

Have a think about why you chose this nursery/school. Is it because of the name, the reputation, or does it have something that particuarly suits your dd etc.

The chances are that the other parents have chosen the school for the same or similar reason. Some parents have chosen the school because of its brand, so for specific aspects of the teaching or facilities etc. Unless you hve chosen a school for its snob value, then I suspect you won't find too many snobs there.

Blu · 30/09/2008 10:20

Many children are at school within a very wide demographic - same in state schools...children are best equipped if they learn to appreciate this in a positive way. Some of my friends had very OTT parties - entertainers, etc - my Mum made sure that I had cheap but highly exciting parties - outdooe 'murder in the dark' parties with torches, or a barbecue with a birthday cake made from hot mashe potato with fish fingers standing all round the edge and hot peas on top...

There are many threads on MN about children being in various minorities in school classes, with various opinions offered...but unless the situation is extreme (and it was for the two friends who removed children from the independent schools they were at) giving your child a string sense of themselves could well result in a v good experience.

It's a pretty bad state of affairs if people are put off something which they would like, and can afford, because of other people's attitudes!

Litchick · 30/09/2008 11:25

My DCs school has people who are very wealthy and those who are on bursaries. The kids are not remotely bothered and I for one, would never judge someone on what they had financially in life.
Some school I am sure are more 'swanky' than others - check it out before you make your decision.

cherryapple · 30/09/2008 11:28

Thankyou so much for all your replies. We chose the school because it is a good school with good resources. We have been to view it a few times and were very impressed. I want my child to be happy firstly I couldnt bear the thought of putting her into an environment into which she was unhappy and uncomfortable.We live in a flat and thought that maybe later on our child may be embarrassed to bring her friends around.In nursery they dont know the differnce but later on I know children can be spitful sometimes.wWe would like to try and bring her up as an all rounder and have consideration for other people but you never know how a child is going to grow up as parents we have to do our best with support and guidence. We have one child so all this is new to us.We have to pay a deposit by tomorrow to the school and it will be the biggest decision we have made. Your replies have made me feel better in that decision. Thankyou

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goingslowlyroundthebend · 30/09/2008 11:33

We have a huge mix at our school, the majority ? fees are a push, the minority are utterly loaded and a few are on bursaries. Would I know exactly who is what? For the most part no, I know my DS's circle and am vaguely aware of others but it really really isn't an issue. What I do find is a comprhensive interest is opting out of the state system each for very individual reasons, all valid and none precious. Its a very nice place!

LadyMuck · 30/09/2008 13:24

If you're impressed by the school rather than the name of the school, then you'll probably find a good mix of parents.

In ds2's class we have at one end a child who lives in a house with both an indoor and outdoor pool in the grounds, and at the other a single young student mum living in a one bed flat. There's a huge range of backgrounds. A strict school uniform is a good leveler and many of the social events revolve round sports anyway. No-one who matters will be judging you or your child on your house.

jeanjeannie · 30/09/2008 13:41

Think you just need to get a feel for it youself. We have a big name school near us and I know our LOs would be judged (poor!) because that school is not one frequented by kids whose parents have scraped by for the fees.

Yet, down the road there's another independent that's less expensive yet gets great results and is full of kids from families like us.

Mind you with this credit crisis I suspect there will be a few less money snobs out there...for a while at least!

oeufflorentine · 30/09/2008 18:43

Honestly it will be fine ! At the risk of being flamed, hated and generally shouted at, I'd say look at it both ways...

Tbh we are comfortably off and live in a large house in a desirable part of London. We are educating our children privately and I'd be absolutely mortified if any of mine judged another child on the basis of material wealth. My children's friends come from all sorts of homes, from small basement flats - where the parents are clearly making sacrifices to send their (usually only) child to a private school - to more obviously spacious/lavish properties.

i judge people on their values, how much fun they are to be with, how well or not our children interact,etc. Couldn't care less where they live BUT would take umbrage if they prejudged me as a snob or a hopeless social climber.

Hope you find this reassuring.

dannyb · 30/09/2008 18:55

Ok, I know Grimsdell. It's an absolutely lovely school, I like the ethos and the fact that it doesn't make the children into academic clones like some of the other private schools close by. However, due to the location and the fact that it is one of the more expensive private schools in the area there is a lot of money there and there are some extremely snobby and cliquey parents. Of course, there are also some absolutely lovely ones.

I cannot imagine for a moment that she'll be picked on for not having as much as other children, young children are not like that, or shouldn't be, but there are children there with absolutely everything and there is a very strong north west london mentality of having to be seen to be as flash as possible. There is a real feeling for a lot of the families that money really is of no object.

Don't let this put you off, there are also lots of normal families and it's a lovely school but there's a serious amount of money in Mill Hill too and it's often not understated.

cherryapple · 30/09/2008 19:21

Hi Dannyb,do you have children that have attended Millhill? My oh has a friend who's children done very well at Millhill school after he took them out of their local state school this is one of the other reasons we chose the school.They do have the big house etc in a nice area.We have chosen to put some of our resources into our daughters education.We hope that our child will be happy there but if it should change as she gets older then we would have to look at it. The first thing is our childs happiness.

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dannyb · 30/09/2008 19:31

I just wanted to add a little more to this because I think that the school you are talking about probably differs a little from general independent education.

Because of the demographics of the area I think that there are a lot less of the scrimping and saving parents at the school than there might have been had it been located elsewhere.

Firstly, there is a huge jewish community in the area nd over the last 10-15 years many jewish families who were themselves educated privately have opted out of the independent system for their own children due to the growth in jewish state schools. These schools offer superb levels of education and the need for them to send the children privately has simply diminished. Rosh Pinah and Mathilda Marks are both within 2 miles of Grimsdell and rank 1 & 2 in barnet tese families are probably ones who could afford private education but have chosen not to and a more of a "normal" sort of family rather than very wealthy.

There are also very good local state schools including Courtlands and Frith Manor which again attract parents who, if they weren't so good would probably go private.

Add to this the other 3 private schools local to Grimsdell which are Goodwyns, St Martins and Holland house. They have nowhere near the facilities that Grimsdell offers but they're also over £1000 a term cheaper meaning that again, there are less well off parents making that those schools their first option.

Add onto that the parents who then send their children to places like Habs and North London, again, just up the road and the pool of people opting for a specific school becomes smaller.

Again, I think that Grimsdell is great, but because of the other good local options, not to mention very expensive housing in the area, a 3 bed semi in parts of Mill Hill can go for over £600k, there may be more wealthy families than in other independent schools. That's not to say they won't be lovely, I know lots of people there who are great but it's not a standard demographic

dannyb · 30/09/2008 19:35

I don't have children who are there but I live in the area as do most of my friends and considered it for my DS plus I grew up in the area and now have a number of friends with kids in the school.

It sure it's a great place to give your LO a fantastic school experience. I have never heard anything negative from any parents

chipmunkswhereareyou · 30/09/2008 20:20

Very interesting thread.
I know about 7 people who went through the Mill Hill School 'foundation' and they are to the very last one all extremely nice, rounded, decent people and all but one of them from relatively ordinary families.
I find that an excellent ad for the school.

Beyond that, I know of a girl who is there at present who is in the senior school and have quizzed her about what the other kids are like. She says (not in these words) there are quite a lot of what could be described as 'tim nice but dims' whose daddies have stacks of money and will set them up in business and then plenty who are not like that and are bright teenagers from fairly normal families.

Academically it's not the best school though - the local comp gets better results I think.

Where else did you consider?

Danny - would love to know what you think of the other two schools you mentioned....

electra · 30/09/2008 20:32

My dd goes to a prep school and we are not at all well off. There seem to be quite a few normal parents there as well as some who have Range Rovers etc But you get that in a state school too...

Mommie2 · 22/02/2010 11:50

my daughter has been offered a place at mill hill pre prep. i am new to the area and would like some feedback on the school and quality of teaching there.

thanks

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