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Original poster

Do I leave my note to dd's teacher in her HW book?

35 replies

stroppyknickers · 28/09/2008 07:53

ok, every sat am is HW time. DD (9) is in the top group for everything, but hates maths. She gets her HW out, srarts loudly moaning, refuses to do it. I make her try, or sit and help for a while, tell her how to do uit and then expect her to have a go. It usually ends with her screaming, shouting etc. I don't want to sit next to her for the whole thing, I think she needs to try, then I will help where she gets stuck.
Yesterday, I wrote a note in her book 'x found it impossible to finish her HW without much screaming and stamping', as I am sick to death of her stinky attitude, and I think it is very attention seeking. I also don't think it is acceptable, esp in front of the younger brothers. So, leave note or rip out? I want her to have an authority figure confirm that it is silly behaviour.

OP posts:

SqueakyPop · 28/09/2008 07:56

I don't think that there is much the teacher can do about this, so tbh, I wouldn't write a note. Even the teacher's disapproval of her behaviour will not mean anything to her on a Saturday morning.

I think you need to think of sanctions you can impose at home.

Or, she can leave her homework undone and suffer the consequences at school. You could prewarn the teacher (via a confidential note) and ask her to come down hard.

HonoriaGlossop · 28/09/2008 08:10

Agree with squeaky that there is not much the teacher can do - it's a home issue and she can't go round talking to her about stuff she's done at home, as the teacher wasn't there - I don't think it would be fair

It just sounds crazy to be talking of 'sanctions' and 'coming down hard' - this is a NINE year old we're talking about.

I also think your first plan should be to sit with her all the time for maths. She doesn't like it, she's only 9, it would help HUGELY for her to have you with her for a short time while she does it.

For me the second plan would be that if it involves upset/screaming, leave it undone. There is zero point in pressuring about homework. What a miserable saturday morning for a 9 yr old, after a long week at school.

notsoteenagemum · 28/09/2008 08:28

There are things the teacher can do, obviously you need to speak to her about it.

Get rid of the note and speak to the teacher,if DD is struggling she should know about it and could advise you with the best way to help her with the work.
I find it odd that don't see yourself as an authority figure for DD and this probably does explain the tantrum IMO.

Perhaps Saturday mornings are not the best time for homework. I split my DD's(8) over Friday after school and Sunday, she struggled with maths last year and the teacher was really helpful which led to me stopping her doing it all on one day.

SmugColditz · 28/09/2008 08:35

She's 9, not 19, and the presence of her younger brothers should have no bearing on your expectations of her behavior - they are your children, not hers.

Don't leave a snotty note in her contact book, all the teacher will think is that you are fed up and being a touch spiteful. She already knows it is silly behavior.

How about a reward for good behavior?

Plus, if she really hates maths, she probably struggles with it. You need to address this rather than humiliate her in front of her teacher.

QOD · 28/09/2008 08:41

my dd was the same, we told her teacher on parents eve who was shocked (and laughing her head off as dd is one of those eager well behaved at school kids).
The next day, she commented to dd that her homework was never as tidy as school - dd reacted like this and has been careful, less attitude & tidier since!

TheProvincialLady · 28/09/2008 08:47

Does she really just hate maths or is she genuinely struggling and embarrassed because of it. I was also always in the top set for everything and that meant I was in the top set for maths even though I loathed it, really struggled to concentrate and felt mortified that I didn't find it easy like I did everything else. I didn't have a coping strategy as I wasn't used to having to think that hard!

I think you need to speak to the teacher about the group she is in and whether it is appropriate for her, and setting homework that she can manage without all this fuss, to build her confidence. It could be that she has not grasped the fundamental concepts before having to move on to more complex ideas and she could benefit from going over them again until she does understand. She needs to regain some enjoyment in maths - she is only 9 and it would be very sad if it all ended now.

Miaou · 28/09/2008 08:49

Agree with the suggestion to leave it not done and let her face the consequences at school. You might find that her teacher's disappointment in her works wonders, particularly if she is used to being an "achiever" in the school environment

SqueakyPop · 28/09/2008 08:57

I don't agree that unwillingness to do the homework equates with struggling in the subject.

Two of my kids were exactly like this at that age, and they were simply lazy or wanted to do something else more. My 11-year old is still slippery with her homework, and she is an academic scholar. I had to get her up at 6.15 on Friday to do missed hw, as Thursday evening had already descended into tears.

SmugColditz · 28/09/2008 08:58

So why only the maths homework?

9 year olds are lazy sometimes, that's why we keep them at school until they are of some use to society.

ghosty · 28/09/2008 09:08

When I was teaching, when parents told me they were having problems getting their children to do homework I would advise them to let the child face the consequences at school with a, "Ok, well, you can explain to Miss ghosty why you haven't done it". It worked every time. If I have trouble with DS and his homework I say the same, "Well, you can explain to your teacher why it isn't done" and he gets down and does it.
You don't need to tell the teacher about the tantrums in a letter but if things don't improve then I would make an appointment to tell her face to face about the issue.

TheProvincialLady · 28/09/2008 09:12

No it doesn't have to mean struggling, but if she was just lazy then surely she would make a fuss over all her homework not just maths? I also think that at 9 years old her parents and teachers have a responsibility to rule out other causes than just naughtiness before 'coming down hard' etc.

Original poster

stroppyknickers · 28/09/2008 09:25

She loves literacy etc and really can't be bothered with maths. She definitely can do it, just won't. When I finally enforce her doing it, she gets it 90% right. I do think she shoulsd behave appropriately around her brothers - i know they are my children, but she should set a better example.
I think the note is kind of please help as she is impossibly rude. i think i may ditch the note, and set a time limit on it, then let her face the consequences. thanks guys.

OP posts:

Twelvelegs · 28/09/2008 09:29

Bribe her, think about something she loves doing, leave the DSs with Dad and do something special with DD on account that we all have to do things we don't want and 'I'm proud of you for doing it'.
PS I try screaming at ds1 about HW all the time and it rarely works...he is six.
Where is she that they have top sets at nine BTW?

Original poster

stroppyknickers · 28/09/2008 09:30

kent. junior school. top sets for maths, spelling, literacy, science...

OP posts:

Twelvelegs · 28/09/2008 09:41

Bit much at 9....don't you think?
Although my ds is in a class of 14, reducing to 8 so a top set would be a little tricky.
So what do I know?!!!

SqueakyPop · 28/09/2008 09:43

What's a bit much at 9?

Twelvelegs · 28/09/2008 09:43

PS I spoke to my dss teacher who now gives him house points for HW returned swiftly.

Twelvelegs · 28/09/2008 09:43

Sets.

Original poster

stroppyknickers · 28/09/2008 09:44

i just read some research about mixed ability groups working well for maths. It's not the work for dd, it's the doing something she hates/ finds boring/ tricky.

OP posts:

Grumpalina · 28/09/2008 09:44

sk. Yes I would ditch to note but with DS1 if he kicks up a fuss about not doing homework we always say'Fine don't do it but you can tell the teacher on Monday that you didn't want to'. Starngely he's always then got on with it.

SqueakyPop · 28/09/2008 09:45

I think they have these throughout primary school - eg yellow table, red table, green table in Y1/2. It's how the teacher is able to do differentiated teaching, and to get the children to work collaboratively.

SqueakyPop · 28/09/2008 09:46

What does the homework usually involve, stroppy? Is it a worksheet that she has to run around the house collecting coins?

Twelvelegs · 28/09/2008 09:48

Hey squeaky, I've yet to reach that. In my dss' school that info is kept in school, who is better. But again they can as two teachers are there on a ratio of 1:7 and then 1:4.... they don;t need to set.

Original poster

stroppyknickers · 28/09/2008 09:49

think i will ditch note and explain to jnr stroppy that she will have to explain to teacher if not done. I think she needs to try it, then I will help, or I help at first and leave her to finish alone. It seems to be part of a wider issue of it being ok to be rude to me - yesterday ds friend (6) told me i was the worst mother ever for not letting him do something

OP posts:

Twelvelegs · 28/09/2008 09:50

Stroppy she's a nine yr old girl....get used to the boundary pushing and rudeness!!

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