zebra, in answer to your question, I feel happy on the whole that my son is at a 'good' state school. I would hardly call it an academic hot house, but yes, the teachers have high expectations of behaviour and performance.
However, I do think boys can be at a disadvantage at this school. There is little tolerance of boisterousness, and this is the first school my son has attended that doesn't have a special reward for 'kindness', while having special rewards for results. Though to be fair, there is a bonus point system and the children get points for good behaviour as well as good results.
In my son's class girls heavily dominate the top groups in every subject. I am not of the opinion that boys are more stupid than girls, so to me, this means the school is not recognising (or possibly even nurturing) boys abilities as much. But even at the worse performing primary school my son previously attended, boys were less in evidence in the top groups, so this imbalance might be a fault of the state education system and not just the school.
My son is really happy to have moved schools. Despite the hard time his teachers have given him sometimes and despite being B** by the head, he has said repeatedly that this is the best school he has ever been to. However he never has had problems keeping up with the work - when he joined he was put in the middle sets and has now moved up a bit. If he had had both academic and behaviour issues then I might have felt hostile towards the school. I do believe his less than perfect behaviour held him down regarding the sets he was put in, even though he could cope with slightly more challenging work.
I would have no hesitation in letting my youngest son go to this school next year. I'll be jumping for joy if he is offered a place.
The friends you mention who will choose another, less academic school for their youngest children must feel very strongly about their oldest sons school. Was the school part of the state system and following the national curriculum?