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Original poster

rich relative offering to pay for private school

58 replies

tonton · 28/08/2008 15:04

I am flabbergasted. An elderly relative is considering paying for all the children in my family to be privately educated. Between us my brothers & sisters and I have 17 children in all. I have 2 kids myself. He's clearly a lot richer than I realised!

All my brothers & sisters kids are currently privately educated (primary or prep schools). I have always felt consious that DD1 doesn't have the opportunities (sport facilities, languages, arts, music etc) they have. On the other hand she mixes with a fantastic range of people and doesn't inhabit a posh ghetto.
She loves her state primary and I have no plan to move her until she finshes. But now I suppose I'd be mad to turn down the money and insist on sending her to a state secondary school as I had planned (there's no 'cash option' so it's have schools fees paid or nothing). I wouild only consider day school - we live in london so that won't be a problem.

DH (state educated) is worried that she will beconme a posh brat with flicky hair and a bad attitude! But I think he is secretly excited.

Anyone have an experience of going from state to private? She's above average in her class but I'm sure she'd be way behind privately educated kids. I'm a bit freaked out by the thought of putting her through all those entrance exams and interviews.

OP posts:
Litchick · 29/08/2008 15:26

And just check with said Uncle ( could he squeeze my lot in as well?) whether it's fees he's paying or the whole education.
If it's the former just check you can cover the uniforms, trips etc.
My end of term, bills ofen have several hundred quid in extras tacked on.
Assuming that's sorted and you find a suitable school for your DD go for it.

critterjitter · 29/08/2008 21:55

I read in The Guardian today that one of Diane Abbot's children received 10 A*'s at their private London school!

Umlellala · 29/08/2008 22:04

At least one child achieved 10 A grades at the challenging Tottenham school I taught in too

critterjitter · 29/08/2008 22:38

So she paid thousands extra just for those stars then? Someone should write an article - or at least a response in the paper!

halogen · 29/08/2008 22:54

I guess she paid thousands extra for her child to be surrounded by lots of other clever/interested children who wanted to learn and work and talk and discuss etc etc etc, not for the grades.

Litchick · 30/08/2008 09:03

You don't pay extra for the grades...Lord, I have this conversation with my Mother every sodding week....
You pay for choice.
It may be you choose a school with all singing all dancing acedemics but you might decide on something other.

Umlellala · 30/08/2008 09:19

Lucicle, lots of clever/interested children at this school too - discussing in a variety of languages, with varying backgrounds and experiences

(and some got A too - just can't recall if anyone got all A when I was there...)

But yes, if that money gives you choice, I guess you have to take it...

Litchick · 30/08/2008 09:26

And that's great for you...but I have had family staying this week and one little girl of 9 who is very bright tells me she doesn't put her hand in class because it's not 'cool'. She has peirced her ears becuase 'me mates had it done.'
This, by the way, is supposed to be the 'best' school in the area - based on those ludicrous league tables.
Another family mamber told me her son spent almost the entire year 6 practising for the SATs. Nothing but alternative stress and boredom.
Neither are in a position to chose differently.
I am fortunate in that I can choose.

Umlellala · 30/08/2008 09:45

I was agreeing with you really, litchick. I would choose this school (not great league-table wise) if in area. I would choose the smallest state schools around. Personally, I would choose an urban, multicultural school as it is my belief (based on some limited experience) that most other cultures (rather than English) actually value education. In schools I have worked in in Hackney and Tottenham, the bright, achieving kids were also the cool ones. I haven't seen the situation your daughter describes...

But yes, it is nice to have a choice - whatever that means (moving area/different schools/private v state)

Agree about stupid SATS - but would aim to try and change the school , and will remove dd from exam days...

Umlellala · 30/08/2008 09:47

Not daughter, niece! (and I don't mean 'too cool for school' doesn't exist but that I am not sure if it exists in schools with a high proportion of influence from non-english culture).

Litchick · 30/08/2008 09:50

Sorry we were obviously at craoss purposes.
Is that year six thig with SATs common then?
I was shocked. Apparently they did hardly any Geograph, Art etc as those are not tested.
The able kids were bored shitless and the lass able were stressed out.
Sounds like a waste of a bloody year to me!!

sarah293 · 30/08/2008 09:54

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Umlellala · 30/08/2008 09:57

I only know anecdotally (am secondary teacher) but believe this is the case in some schools - got to maintain their position in the league tables, y'see. I plan to BOYCOTT THE SATS!

Litchick · 30/08/2008 10:00

Riven - what made them decide to have a crack at school?
And what were your thought, particularly given how well they were doing HEing?
Alos, gulp, I don't think I could give any such control to my MIL ( though she's not rich so no need to worry). You must have had to consider v hard no?

sarah293 · 30/08/2008 10:05

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Umlellala · 30/08/2008 10:13

Good for you Riven. I like your approach to school as a 'resource' - that's similar to how I would like my kids to see school (got a while to go yet though, dd only 2.3 - ds 6 weeks ).

sarah293 · 30/08/2008 14:22

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westendgirl · 31/08/2008 17:06

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needaholiday · 31/08/2008 20:15

does he want more relatives? I have 2 children here who are desperate to go to the schools of their choice, 1 to summerhill the other to stover. The others aren't old enough to worry about school choices yet. we home school to fill in the gap until we can afford their choices.
I would take up the offer like a shot if I were in your shoes and if it were what your child will benefit from.

Janni · 31/08/2008 20:21

I agree with Portandlemon that you should regard it as expanding your options rather than as an offer you MUST accept. Maybe you could pretend she'd gone private (buy her a boater), then pocket the dosh

sunnydelight · 01/09/2008 03:53

As others have said, what you are being given is CHOICE which is always a nice thing to have in education!

I know you say you don't want to move your daughter from her primary school, but just be aware that in a lot of schools it will be more difficult to get a place in the secondary school than the primary as lots of people change to private at secondary. When we put our eldest into a private school last year (in Oz) we assumed the younger two would either be home schooled or go to the local primary until high school until we realised that competition for Y7 places was so stiff. I just couldn't risk DS2 (profoundly dyslexic) not passing the exam so I sent him as soon as a space came up. Even if your daughter is very bright you might not want to put her through the stress of entrance exams for secondary.

ScummyMummy · 01/09/2008 07:36

How odd. Why does he want to do this? Is he worried about inheritance tax? Or of the belief that the state educated children of Britain are sending the country to the dogs? Or does he care about your 2 particular kids and want to do his best for them? Is he a close family member?

I would never accept this particular offer as I am not a fan of private education except in an absolute last resort but I would also have many questions about motives and potential hidden emotional strings attached to the offer, especially from a more distant relative. If dd failed all her GCSE exams, would it be embarrassing to explain this to the benefactor, for example?

findtheriver · 01/09/2008 08:31

Some good points there scummymummy. My understanding from the OP is that this is a family where all the other nephews and nieces etc are privately educated, and no doubt this rich relative was too, so it sounds like a case of ignorance of state education. You know the kind of thing - where someone has never set foot in a state school and has an irrational fear of them! Maybe it would be good for the OP to continue bucking the trend and showing that her own child doesnt need to have thousands of pounds thrown at her education to be able to succeed

Bumperlicious · 01/09/2008 08:49

My biggest worry would be being able to keep up with the other families in terms of opportunities. I would hate to be the poor kid at private school. In fact I almost was as my grandma made the same offer to my mum, however she wasn't the grandma of my bro and sis and my mum wanted us all to have same opportunities. I'm quite glad she didn't accept the offer as I would have forever been the girl from the council estate. As is was I got 2 A* and 7 A's from the local comp, so I did ok .

Litchick · 01/09/2008 10:47

Bumper - assuming you go for a more 'mixed' day school, not everyone is loaded, and you always find kids who are being sponsored by relatives or have burasries.
I think Riven said her boys were paid for MIL and it never bothered them or their mates that her family were strapped.