School dilemma. What would you do?

[MmeLindt]

DH has a new job, supposed to be starting 1st October so we are all moving to Switzerland soon.

The contracts were signed at the end of June and we are just waiting for the goahead from the CEO who has to approve the contract. According to the company this is a formality but they cannot start the ball rolling on the removal until it has been signed. It is a new job in the company that DH has been working for for about 5 years.

For some reason the contracts have not been approved yet although we have been assured that they will be.

Now to the part with the schools.

We are at present in Germany and the schools go back next Tuesday. I had decided not to put DD to school (she should be starting this year) here as she would only be going for 4 - 6 weeks before the move.

Now the move might be delayed, and I don't know what to do. Realistically we have to move in September as we are not goign to have a house here from 1st Oct.

If she goes to school next week I am worried that she will just get settled and then we will have to move her to a new school, where she does not know anyone and she does not speak the language. Logically, the new school is goign to come off worse in a comparison.

Would you put her to school here, even if it just going to be for a few weeks? Do we risk not putting her to school and if the move is delayed have her not starting school until perhaps November.

If you have got this far, then I would be grateful for any comments and suggestions as I am fed up with the sleepless nights while I lie awake and worry about her.

Have to go and make tea/put the DCs to bed but will be back later.

I would send her to school. If she's ready and wants to go then it sounds like she will adapt when the time comes to move.

It may not be relevant as there were no language issues but I went to ten schools in two countries growing up. Eight of which were during my formative years.

Starting school is exciting. Moving is exciting. I'm sure she'll be fine.

Let her go. She is keen to go. That will make her happier, and thus you happier.

Agree with Purits. Difficult when things are out of your control. But you must be more proactive. Get an explanation as to why signature taking so long. What is being done. Expected schedule.
Do dh's work KNOW, I mean really KNOW that you are'homeless' as of 1st Oct. What are they planning to do for you.
You don't want to rub anyone up the wrong way, or be a pest, to the HR/ person arranging all of this at dh's work, but this is a nightmare.

poor you ... the CEO is probably on holiday himself until late August ... how stressful

Agree with Purits, I'd go as far as asking the company to pay for temporary accommodation for you to stay in Geneva while your dd starts school. Tell them the start of the school year is too important to miss and you want her settled.

If that's not possible, then personally, I think I would keep her at home with you as start-stop-start would be quite disruptive for her socially.

What's an Einschulung?

DH had words with the HR rep in Germany yesterday, she knows how things stand. I don't understand the whole signature thing tbh. It seems that noone in the company has the balls to phone the big boss's PA and ask what the hold up is.

HR says that they will pay for a furnished flat/house in this area so that DD can start school.

I just feel like screaming at them, to get the bloody signature and then we can move to Geneva.

Oh, it feels good to rant and get this off my chest. I cannot rant at DH, he is so stressed with work at the moment.

Einschulung is the first day of school here in Germany. A big deal with church service and Schultüte, a huge paper cone filled with sweeties.

We cannot move to Geneva until the contract is signed. Until then DH has no work permit so DD could not go to school there anyway.

O.K. so now we are getting to the nitty gritty
No one has the balls to phone bosses PA. This is awful. Not that I'm that surprised.
Oh I bet you feel like screaming. Or phoning HR women and agreeing deadline, for when PA is going to be contacted.
OH SCREAM. SCREAM.
It will make you feel better

I'm not surprised that you feel like screaming! The situation is totally out of your hands.
The Einschulung sounds great fun and would be a shame to miss, but make sure that you explain that it's a German thing and it's not going to happen every time she starts a new school!

I have the balls, (or almost) but DH wont let me. Spoilsport.

SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!

A virtual scream. Strange how that helped.

Ow, my ears hurt. I heard that from here!

well, make sure that when dh does speak to HR again, that he is very definite and precise. Try and pin them down, in a very polite way, to committing to certain things by certain dates.
Or ask him to e-mail HR. Ask her to confirm when .... will be done, deadline for .....
Then you have it in black and white.

I'd start her anyway if only to get her into the habit of going and allow you some time to get organised for when you can move. Alternative would be to go "temporarily", it used to be that you could stay there for 3 month periods on an EU passport but even this may have been relaxed, and enrol at a private school for the time being (but the one-off fees may be cost prohibitive) then switch once you have the paperwork. We had all sorts of issues over permits, took an apartment unseen and I was 6 months pg when we moved !

oh and my experience of Swiss protocol is that they are reluctant to talk directly to female "trailing spouses".

Hope you get it sorted Mme Lindt (or should that be Mme Lindt to be ....?)

Now why don't they do the Einschulung 'thing' over here (Belgium) or in the UK? Sounds like a fantastic idea!

Germans are SO good at childhood ... sigh ....

Counting
From what I have seen of the German school system, the Einschulung is the last good bit.

Maybe I should name change to WillBeMmeLindtWhenDHsBloodyBossGetsHisFingerOutAndSignsTheContract

or do you think it is a bit long?

How stressful for you ML

Is it likely that you will be returning to Germany on completion of the contract in Geneva? If not, I would not place her in the school now. It will be enormously stressful for her, starting school is. And then she will have to move and start again soon afterwards. Hard to know but this was dd's experience:

The Einschulung is not all that great that missing it would be a major problem. The Schultüte and a celebatory meal with the family are nice traditions. Germans have a lot of lovely traditions as you know.

For dd Einschulung was: going to school on a Saturday morning with dp, carrying the cone full of presents and an empty school-bag on her back. It was a church school so we first all went into the church, new dc in the front couple of pews. After that we went into school assembly, speech by the head, short performance about reading by the now year 2s. Teachers called out names of the classes, anxious looking kids went up to that teacher eyeing the others nervously, throwing back glances at their dp. Didn't notice marked joyfulness anywhere. They traipsed off to their classrooms for half an hour or so, returned. Dp took photos of their kids with Schultüte, Ranzen and then off home for lunch. Dc opened the Schultüte at home.

School start itself - major stress. Kids very tired, struggling to adjust to earlier start, long hours of concentration, having to be quiet, sit still, big group of kids in a small room and quite a lot of aggression between the kids , especially boys. I think they just had little chance to work off stress.

Our school had no real playground and it was quite formal, old-fashioned teaching (not bad, just not at all like chatty, friendly, kindergarten style stuff). Saw a lot of long-faces the first couple of months, kids coming out in tears, not all but many. They come out STARVING, tired, ratty. All the mums were groaning about it, taking these monsters home and putting up with them letting off steam at you.

It takes about 4+ weeks for them to adjust to the physical demands before they settle and hopefully enjoy it. I think then it's the autumn break anyway and when they come back, they seem better able to cope. I wouldn't see the point for your dd tbh unless it's a playful Montessori type school. For the first few weeks it will be :writing numbers up to 10; adding and subtracting numbers up to 10; learning to print letters of the alphabet; slowly, very slowly learning German phonics.

In your shoes I would have placed her in the German school since I was fairly confident it was going to be a good experience and it would be easier for me to have her occupied and off my hands. Thinking back now on what it was like in the beginning, I would not do it. So hard to know, isn't it? Really wish they would move the contract along and not leave you hanging like this. I would go mad

ahhh ... [digression alert]
maybe I should revise those thoughts about idyllic German childhoods in that case ... was thinking: gorgeous wooden toys, forests, fairy tales, sensible brightly coloured clothing, allowing children to be children etc etc ... but perhaps they need all that stuff to overcome the schooling experience ...!! Education quite formal and traditional over here in Belgium (quite a narrow curriculum) but they do have a lot of celebrations thrown in ....

Hope your dh's boss pulls his finger out soon Mme Lindt

a lot of nice things about being a child (or just living) in Germany but IME, limited as it has been, school has not majored amongst those things

SSsandy
Thanks for that viewpoint. I think the school is quite a good one, from what I can see, but German schools are big on discipline and doing lots of hard work from day one, aren't they. They do have a fab new playground, just been updated with some great climbing frames etc. (not that I think that the wee ones will get near it, it has been finished during the hols)

She is quite a sensitive little thing too, very artistic and dreamy. She is forgetful and dittery. I was already worried about her coping with school. She is quite intelligent (as far as a parent can determine) so I have no worries about her coping with the actual work itself, just how she gets to grip with the reality of school life.

I am so torn.

I have left a message on the AB of the head teacher to see how things stand legally. The Schulamt have said that the headteacher can decide whether DD is allowed to stay off school but obviously not indefinately.

is there a private French language kiga she could attend instead?

I know school starting age is now 6 but here at least you can request to start later and in your situation it would make sense for them to allow it

I think that you're leaning towards starting her in the local Gemran school and seeing how it goes. Am I right?

Maybe it would be fine. I think admylin's dd was in some ways in a similar situation because she did her Einschulung in Stuttgart or somewhere and moved a couple of weeks later to Berlin (mind you she didn't need to change language and catch up with the work the way your dd will have to).

If I knew for sure that we were moving before October then I think I would keep her home.

The fact is that noone can at present tell us when we will be moving so I am worried that if I leave her at home and the move is delayed that she will find it even more difficult to catch up when we move to Geneva.

DH says that if she goes to school here then at least she will have learnt to read before the move.

I think that he is a bit optimistic on that front, but then he insists that she taught herself to tell the time. (er, that was me actually. He obviously does think that all I do all day is MN)

You do OTHER things ?

Well, thanks to CVQ's thread about her mum cleaning her skirting boards this morning, I have felt shamed enough to clean mine.

think you and dh need a night watching a really funny film with some nice cool beer (hot again, isn't it?). If you can't change the situation much, worrying just drags you down - Originalton dh

Well thought about this a bit this afternoon when we were at the adventure playground - till 10pm(! oops bad mummy). LEave it to the head. If she says dd has to go, send her there. If she says dd doesn't have to go, don't send her. If she goes, maybe it would be fine, even great. There are so many lovely kids here all over the place and I can't for the life of me imagine that most or even half of them are unhappy at school. Surely the vast majority will go there gladly and enjoy it and cope well with it? Just because dd didn't, doesn't mean your dd wouldn't.

Before you read too many of our panicky comments on schools, you had a positive gut feeling about your local school and were confident your dd would be fine there. If she moves from there to Geneva she will have a bit more confidence perhaps knowing how school is set up , how the whole thing works (as opposed to kiga). In Geneva there is the added distadvantage that she not only doesn't know what school is about, what to do when and what's important , she won't understand a thing that's said basically.

On my German-)UK schools thread, frogs posted a link to a thread where you can read about a German family who moved to the UK and in a way they were in a similar sitution (new language, class far ahead) and the dc coped fine.

If in Geneva they follow the French system and will put your dd in with her age group, they will be far ahead (obviously since they start a lot earlier). We had a boy from France in year 1 who had already done all the maths, was writing tidy cursive and reading fluently.So all he did that first year in terms of new material was learning German and he was fine at the end of the school year (not perfect but good start).

If your dd starts here and leaves after say 6 weeks, unless you are doing a lot at home with her, she will not be a fluent reader in German by the time she leaves. They take it quite slowly, there is no big rush to get them reading. They read a Fibel over the whole school year and it will be maybe six months before they are fluent and they were not expected to read anything else other than that Fibel. So if that is all she is doing she will have just made a bit of a start.