Positive criticism in school reports - anyone else got any gems?

[BarbadosMama]

DS1's school likes to focus on the positive in school reports. Teachers must spend ages dreaming up the positive spin they put on things. My favourites from this years are:

Music - DS1 appreciates the humour and energy in the songs we learn. He takes great delight in thinking up new lyrics and replacing words with others which sound alike [Yes I can imagine]

Art - it is a pleasure to have such an active young artist in class [not clear here whether she means Jackson Pollock style throwing of paint or running out of control round the classroom and I'm not going to ask]

Anyone else got gems of positive spin from teachers?

Always remember what my cow-bag PE teacher wrote - "j has no apptitude or enthusiasm for PE, she walks around as if in a dream world' - I was 11 at the time.

As much as we laugh, I think I prefer all the modern stuff where we have kids who find stuff 'challenging' rather than kids who show no apptitude.

This might be an urban myth, but a friend used to work with a teacher who wrote " the worst pupil I have ever had to teach". The Head sent it back to him and said he had to write something more positive. So he wrote "Positively the worst pupil I have ever had to teach"

I think I may have mentioned this before, but a teacher friend's scrawled report was typed up as 'Shows tedious enthusiasm for this subject'.

It was meant to say 'tremendous'.

One of mine got 'Target: must not assume he already knows it all before we start the topic.'

I got 'Her essays often show humour and a strong use of imagination.'
Sadly, this was geography.

"DS does not volunteer any information but when cornered, can be relied on for an insightful and intelligent answer"

Just imagining the geography teacher with a chair in one hand and a whip in the other forcing ds into a corner.

And (god I must do some work) I've just compared my son's and daughter's reports and found this:
DD: 'Is learning to use humour effectively to engage an audience'.
DS: 'Loves an audience, but needs to learn when it is not appropriate to be funny'.

Next year they swap teachers. Will await the 'appropriate humour' results with interest...

DD2 got - She is an active contributor to class discussion.
I take it she talks too much.

The sooner learns that the science laboratory is not an adventure playground she and I will get on better and so will at this subject!

flies by the seat of his pants, but fortunately for him, he is an ace pilot! ( he didn't deserve to get an A in french!)

How *** manages to get top marks when on his own admission he has not opened the text beggars belief.

*** is extremely articulate in class, and has interesting opinions, but needs to realise that it should relate to the subject which he is studying

LMAO at :

Music - DS1 appreciates the humour and energy in the songs we learn. He takes great delight in thinking up new lyrics and replacing words with others which sound alike [Yes I can imagine]

That is very funny!

No gems for the positive critism to add but DD had just one target on her Y1 report this year:

Target: to colour in more neatly

Think we can live with that one, although it may hinder her GCSE Geography chances in the future!